The crow flies at midnight

So, apparently, when you have a pet cactus, you need to water said cactus. I assumed, apparently incorrectly, that because cactuses live in the fucking desert, I do not need to water them. I was mistaken. Poor cactus. Hang in there, little guy.

Hey, does anyone want a free 12-month subscription to Rolling Stone? No tricks, I swear. Only treats. I coincidentally bought two separate items recently that came with a free 12-month subscription to RS. I already took one for myself, and I would just hate to waste the other one! Lemme know, and I'll send it in with your info.

Look at that- this is like a real professional blog, givin' out free stuff. Check me ouuuuut, bitches.

Also, don't expect this to continue.

Watching The Biggest Loser makes me want to go for a jog and lose 300 lbs. Also, makes me want to punch Jillian in the face, in a moment of frenzied donut-deprived insanity.

Conan, Cannes is not pronounced "con". I too was once mistaken in this matter, but I do not have writers and researchers. That said, I love you, let's awkwardly conceive pasty-skinned children while wearing jeggings.

My legs are soreface. Which is contradictory, I realize. Oh hey, Javier Bardem is charming! Good for him! I don't think I've ever seen an interview with him before.

Conan's tie almost exactly matches the new pair of underwear I am planning to wear tomorrow. That must mean something. He's sending me a message. The crow flies at midnight!

Can we just....for a super quick second...if I can successfully paste a picture in here....talk about this:

























I know this is not a new thing. But I only recently actually had this issue of EW in my hands, and uggghhh, I just love it. They are just so foxy together. I've had an on-off relationship with the both of them for years (Jake + Reese = NO. Reese + Ryan 4eva. Also, Jake and Taylor? Whaaa? So maybe it's just been a love/hate with Jake, because I think it's been nothing but like, love, and indifference with Anne. Anyway, whoa, tangentsville.) But you just cannot love them here. It is physically impossible. And it's so many different kinds of love! An "aww, adorable!" love, and a dirty dirty kind of love. And seriously, Jake Gyllenthhjfhbfjhbal is just irresistable. Who would've thought that the kid from October Sky would grow up to be such a hottie?! And Mia Thermopolis!

Anyway, this is a union I would FULLY SUPPORT in real life. Seriously. I thirst to see this movie. Too bad it was only in theatres for, like, a day. Leah and I were going to see it, but then we had to see Black Swan instead. Which was different.