Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Hair-um Scare-um
So, the thing is, I've been trying to take an accurate picture of what my hair looks like, but it seems like technology is working against me in this endeavor. Also, I'm lazy. Well, the laziness comes into play in that my camera batteries are dead, and I'm just too lazy to put new ones in. I took some pictures on my phone and post them on here: no dice. So we're stuck with my low-quality laptop camera, which is what caused the stir the other day. But I tried to take a picture in a better light, so as to appear blonder. Here:
I hope this is a comfort to all of you. Still blonde, and lovin' it.
But just to bother you, here's another picture, in which I look sort of ginger!
I'm the Sydney Bristow of Camden, NY.
I hope this is a comfort to all of you. Still blonde, and lovin' it.
But just to bother you, here's another picture, in which I look sort of ginger!
I'm the Sydney Bristow of Camden, NY.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
I am a big pile of BLAH right now
Guys, what should I do with my life? Really. I want so badly to just make a decision and take some classes and get another degree or do SOMETHING to advance my situation from where I'm at right now, but I just do not know. I have no idea. I don't understand how it is that my friends have found things that they're passionate about, that they really like; teaching, PT, journalism, PR, etc. How is it that I am 24 years old and completely without a clue? I feel like there was some vitally important class or ceremonial reading of the Magic 8 Ball that I missed. Is that what happened in the first 5-10 minutes that I always missed in high school because I was late?
In other related seasonal depression news, WHO ELSE IS READY FOR WINTER TO BE OVER? Seriously, I get it, wintertime is cold and snowy, isn't mother nature wonderful, blah blah blah. Now it's too much. It's too cold and too snowy and icy and dangerous and gross and not pretty.
Winter has several stages for me:
1. OMG YAY FIRST SNOW! IT'S SO PRETTY AND LIGHT AND SPARKLY AND WONDERFUL!
2. Oh my God guys, do you know what this means?! It's almost Christmas, y'all! Let's put up decorations and drink cocoa!
3. HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT IT'S CHRISTMAS. This snow could not be more perfect and festive right now! I feel like I'm in a Thomas Kinkade painting.
4. I thought the snow was perfect for Christmas, but here it is reflecting everything wonderful and sequin-y and bubbly that I love about new years!
5. Oh, the snow is still here? But.....Christmas is over? I put the decorations away! Why is Mother Nature not putting hers away? You know what? I can't fault you for that, Moms. If it were socially acceptable, I would leave my decorations up and on year-round, and everyday would be Christmas! Respect.
6. Sigh. Still snowy. Still cold. But I think we're through the worst of it now. It hasn't been too bad this week. I can tough it out for the rest of the season.
7. OH MY GOD ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! This is fucking ridiculous. Why do people choose to live here? Everything about winter is awful. I am moving to Florida.
8. This is not even funny. There's still like 3 months left of this shit! I'm going to kill someone.
9. I was able to drive to work just wearing a sweater! No coat! AND the snowbanks are getting smaller! Woooot! I like where this is heading...
I am currently moving between stage 7 and stage 8. Stage 8 is sooooo long. Because winter is soooooo long. I'm already thinking about my warm-weather clothes, which are SO much cuter than my winter clothes. Plus I've pretty much reached the point where I don't care anymore and I'm just wearing the same thing day after day. Blah.
Winter makes me sleepy. It's 10pm. ZzzzzZzzzzzzZZZzzzzzz.
OH P.S. - Another photo to come of my new STILL BLONDE hair, to dispel the vicious rumors that I've crossed over to the dark side. Nevaaaaah!
In other related seasonal depression news, WHO ELSE IS READY FOR WINTER TO BE OVER? Seriously, I get it, wintertime is cold and snowy, isn't mother nature wonderful, blah blah blah. Now it's too much. It's too cold and too snowy and icy and dangerous and gross and not pretty.
Winter has several stages for me:
1. OMG YAY FIRST SNOW! IT'S SO PRETTY AND LIGHT AND SPARKLY AND WONDERFUL!
2. Oh my God guys, do you know what this means?! It's almost Christmas, y'all! Let's put up decorations and drink cocoa!
3. HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT IT'S CHRISTMAS. This snow could not be more perfect and festive right now! I feel like I'm in a Thomas Kinkade painting.
4. I thought the snow was perfect for Christmas, but here it is reflecting everything wonderful and sequin-y and bubbly that I love about new years!
5. Oh, the snow is still here? But.....Christmas is over? I put the decorations away! Why is Mother Nature not putting hers away? You know what? I can't fault you for that, Moms. If it were socially acceptable, I would leave my decorations up and on year-round, and everyday would be Christmas! Respect.
6. Sigh. Still snowy. Still cold. But I think we're through the worst of it now. It hasn't been too bad this week. I can tough it out for the rest of the season.
7. OH MY GOD ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! This is fucking ridiculous. Why do people choose to live here? Everything about winter is awful. I am moving to Florida.
8. This is not even funny. There's still like 3 months left of this shit! I'm going to kill someone.
9. I was able to drive to work just wearing a sweater! No coat! AND the snowbanks are getting smaller! Woooot! I like where this is heading...
I am currently moving between stage 7 and stage 8. Stage 8 is sooooo long. Because winter is soooooo long. I'm already thinking about my warm-weather clothes, which are SO much cuter than my winter clothes. Plus I've pretty much reached the point where I don't care anymore and I'm just wearing the same thing day after day. Blah.
Winter makes me sleepy. It's 10pm. ZzzzzZzzzzzzZZZzzzzzz.
OH P.S. - Another photo to come of my new STILL BLONDE hair, to dispel the vicious rumors that I've crossed over to the dark side. Nevaaaaah!
Monday, January 24, 2011
Change is good, and so is Leonardo DiCaprio
So some incredibly mundane changes have occurred in my life this weekend:
1. I got new glasses.
2. I got a haircut.
Pictured below:
Also, I painted my bedroom. Perfect plum! Pictures to follow sometime soon, when I finish the second coat and have it all decorated and such. Because right now, My room basically looks like a magenta murder scene.
Anyway, the other theme of this weekend, aside from unremarkable change, was Leonardo DiCaprio. I know, right? I watched both Shutter Island and Inception this weekend. I would rate them 3 and 4.5 stars out of 5, respectively. Now, Leonardo DiCaprio is an excellent actor, no denying that. But the thing that gets me, is whenever he's in some sort of emotional scene, he gets this LOOK on his face, and all of a sudden he becomes Romeo Montague, Arnie Grape, and Jack Dawson, all wrapped into one. He has such a man face now, but when he cries or smiles, he totally has that little boy face again, and it makes my heart swell. Not that I was ever a huge Leo fan, but some of his early roles are very near and dear to my heart.
Anywho, Inception was a real thinker! Not on the level of Mulholland Drive, (Don't. Just...don't.) but I found myself thinking about it last night as I went to bed, dreaming about it last night, and then thinking about it again today. It had some really cool parts, some questionable casting choices (Ellen Page? Okay...), and some weird plot elements, but the visuals were incredible, and some of the special effects were really outstanding. No spoilers, because you all should see it if you haven't already, but the scenes with Joseph Gordon Levitt in the hotel were INCREDIBLE. I love JGL, and while his part in itself wasn't the best role ever, it must have been absolutely amazing to film, especially since he did all his own stunts.
All this Leo talk really makes me want to watch Romeo + Juliet. Which is a definite 5 out of 5 stars.
1. I got new glasses.
2. I got a haircut.
Pictured below:
Also, I painted my bedroom. Perfect plum! Pictures to follow sometime soon, when I finish the second coat and have it all decorated and such. Because right now, My room basically looks like a magenta murder scene.
Anyway, the other theme of this weekend, aside from unremarkable change, was Leonardo DiCaprio. I know, right? I watched both Shutter Island and Inception this weekend. I would rate them 3 and 4.5 stars out of 5, respectively. Now, Leonardo DiCaprio is an excellent actor, no denying that. But the thing that gets me, is whenever he's in some sort of emotional scene, he gets this LOOK on his face, and all of a sudden he becomes Romeo Montague, Arnie Grape, and Jack Dawson, all wrapped into one. He has such a man face now, but when he cries or smiles, he totally has that little boy face again, and it makes my heart swell. Not that I was ever a huge Leo fan, but some of his early roles are very near and dear to my heart.
Anywho, Inception was a real thinker! Not on the level of Mulholland Drive, (Don't. Just...don't.) but I found myself thinking about it last night as I went to bed, dreaming about it last night, and then thinking about it again today. It had some really cool parts, some questionable casting choices (Ellen Page? Okay...), and some weird plot elements, but the visuals were incredible, and some of the special effects were really outstanding. No spoilers, because you all should see it if you haven't already, but the scenes with Joseph Gordon Levitt in the hotel were INCREDIBLE. I love JGL, and while his part in itself wasn't the best role ever, it must have been absolutely amazing to film, especially since he did all his own stunts.
All this Leo talk really makes me want to watch Romeo + Juliet. Which is a definite 5 out of 5 stars.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
The Babysitter's Club: Where Are They Now?
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG This is so great. Can't believe the girls would be 37 now!
Also, I'm pretty sure Dawn in that banner picture is Amanda Hackett.
I am sharing so much useless crap with you today. Sorry.
Also, I'm pretty sure Dawn in that banner picture is Amanda Hackett.
I am sharing so much useless crap with you today. Sorry.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Soren Bowie: greatest human being alive.
Do you like hilarity? Well if so, and you have not read anything Soren Bowie has written, you should probably get on that.
Why don't you start with "Dear Gwyneth Paltrow: Understanding Why Everyone Hates You", because it's really something everyone should read. Especially Gwyneth Paltrow.
You're welcome.
Why don't you start with "Dear Gwyneth Paltrow: Understanding Why Everyone Hates You", because it's really something everyone should read. Especially Gwyneth Paltrow.
You're welcome.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
SQUEEEE
I AM MORE EXCITED FOR THIS MOVIE THAN I AM FOR ANY OTHER MOVIE EVER!!
There has not been enough Deputy Dewey in my life for the last decade.
There has not been enough Deputy Dewey in my life for the last decade.
The following things just happened:
1. I just watched the 2002 movie Tuck Everlasting, because I had wanted to see it because I loved the book when I read it in 6th grade, and now that I've sold my soul to Netflix, such things are possible.
2. I went on IMDb immediately following the movie, because that's what I do immediately following every single movie or TV show I watch ever, because I have problems.
3. I IMDb'ed Jonathan Jackson, because he was super adorable as Jesse Tuck. I feel like he may actually be immortal (spoiler alert!), because though the movie was made in 2002, I feel like he's been that same age for, like, 20 years. But I guess he's not. He's just much younger than I would have thought he was.
4. I also had to look up who the hottie was that played Miles, the older son, and I saw it was Scott Bairstow, and I was like, hmmmm...Scott Bairstow, why does this name sound familiar? OH HEY Wild America, cinematic masterpiece of the late nineties co-starring Devon Sawa (Sevon Dawa) and JTT himself! The oft-unappreciated eldest brother Marty, overlooked because he did not cover as many pages of Teen Beat. But still totally adorable. And kinda angsty!hot as Miles. Also, I guess he worked for free in Tuck Everlasting, because he was such a fan and wanted to be in the movie so badly. I respect that.
5. OH HEY AND THEN HE RAPED A 12-YEAR-OLD GIRL WHO WAS POSSIBLY HIS WIFE'S COUSIN. This is real life people, no joke. Why, SB, why. You had so much going for you! If you needed some lady time, I'm sure you could just part your hair down the center in that way that was totally dreamy in the nineties, go out to a bar, remind some ladies who you are, and if they still have no idea, tell them that you were in a movie with Devon Sawa and Jonathan Taylor Thomas and you are IN LIKE FLYNN. You do NOT need to resort to 12-year-olds. Because while I am a jesting proponent of the young ones, 12 is just.....not even funny. That's too young. Gross. Not in any way acceptable. Not going to draw a comparison about how I was 12 when Wild America came out and that if I was as wildly inappropriate then as I am now, I totally would have been down for some Scott Bairstow, but NO I WOULD NOT HAVE BECAUSE I WAS ONLY 12. I would have let him buy me an ice cream.
6. Then I looked Scott Bairstow up on YouTube. Don't. Just...don't. If you were ever a Scott Bairstow fan, and your perception of him has not already been completely demolished by the information above, please do not look him up on YouTube. It's not pretty. Just live in the past, when the nineties were wonderful and boys were dreamy and times were sweet and innocent.
Also, for anyone who's read Tuck Everlasting and/or seen the movie, am I the first to realize that there is a LOT of Twilight similarities? And really, THIS is how Twilight should have ended. No Renesmees in Tuck Everlasting. Thank god.
ALSO, who remembers when Devon Sawa was in Eminem's video for Stan, playing Stan, and Dido was his preggers wife?! THAT is so fantastic. And yes, I am now on a dangerously slippery slope of youtube-ing nineties stars. Stop judging me.
2. I went on IMDb immediately following the movie, because that's what I do immediately following every single movie or TV show I watch ever, because I have problems.
3. I IMDb'ed Jonathan Jackson, because he was super adorable as Jesse Tuck. I feel like he may actually be immortal (spoiler alert!), because though the movie was made in 2002, I feel like he's been that same age for, like, 20 years. But I guess he's not. He's just much younger than I would have thought he was.
4. I also had to look up who the hottie was that played Miles, the older son, and I saw it was Scott Bairstow, and I was like, hmmmm...Scott Bairstow, why does this name sound familiar? OH HEY Wild America, cinematic masterpiece of the late nineties co-starring Devon Sawa (Sevon Dawa) and JTT himself! The oft-unappreciated eldest brother Marty, overlooked because he did not cover as many pages of Teen Beat. But still totally adorable. And kinda angsty!hot as Miles. Also, I guess he worked for free in Tuck Everlasting, because he was such a fan and wanted to be in the movie so badly. I respect that.
5. OH HEY AND THEN HE RAPED A 12-YEAR-OLD GIRL WHO WAS POSSIBLY HIS WIFE'S COUSIN. This is real life people, no joke. Why, SB, why. You had so much going for you! If you needed some lady time, I'm sure you could just part your hair down the center in that way that was totally dreamy in the nineties, go out to a bar, remind some ladies who you are, and if they still have no idea, tell them that you were in a movie with Devon Sawa and Jonathan Taylor Thomas and you are IN LIKE FLYNN. You do NOT need to resort to 12-year-olds. Because while I am a jesting proponent of the young ones, 12 is just.....not even funny. That's too young. Gross. Not in any way acceptable. Not going to draw a comparison about how I was 12 when Wild America came out and that if I was as wildly inappropriate then as I am now, I totally would have been down for some Scott Bairstow, but NO I WOULD NOT HAVE BECAUSE I WAS ONLY 12. I would have let him buy me an ice cream.
6. Then I looked Scott Bairstow up on YouTube. Don't. Just...don't. If you were ever a Scott Bairstow fan, and your perception of him has not already been completely demolished by the information above, please do not look him up on YouTube. It's not pretty. Just live in the past, when the nineties were wonderful and boys were dreamy and times were sweet and innocent.
Also, for anyone who's read Tuck Everlasting and/or seen the movie, am I the first to realize that there is a LOT of Twilight similarities? And really, THIS is how Twilight should have ended. No Renesmees in Tuck Everlasting. Thank god.
ALSO, who remembers when Devon Sawa was in Eminem's video for Stan, playing Stan, and Dido was his preggers wife?! THAT is so fantastic. And yes, I am now on a dangerously slippery slope of youtube-ing nineties stars. Stop judging me.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
The time has come again...
...for me to make my evening television schedule. Obsessive? Probably. Anal Retentive? Most Likely. But for those of you who view me as your pop-cultural lighthouse, this is what I will be watching and DVR-ing for the next few months:
Monday
8:00
How I Met Your Mother - CBS (-8:30)
Pretty Little Liars - CW
9:00
Greek - ABC Family
Lie To Me - Fox
9:30
Mike & Molly - CBS
10:00
Castle - ABC
Hawaii Five-O - CBS
Hoarders - A&E
Tuesday
8:00
Biggest Loser - NBC
Glee - Fox
9:00
Raising Hope - Fox (-9:30)
Hellcats - CW
What Not To Wear - TLC
10:00
?
Wednesday
8:00
American Idol - Fox
ANTM - CW (2/23)
9:00
Modern Family - ABC (-9:30)
Criminal Minds - CBS
9:30
Cougar Town - ABC
Mr. Sunshine - ABC (2/09)
10:00
Off The Map - ABC
Law & Order: SVU - NBC
Thursday
8:00
American Idol - Fox
Community - NBC (-8:30)
The Big Bang Theory - CBS (-8:30)
8:30
Perfect Couples - NBC
9:00
Grey's Anatomy - ABC
10:00
Private Practice - ABC
30 Rock - NBC (-10:30)
Archer - FX (1/27)
Friday
8:00
Super Nanny - ABC
Saturday
11:30
Saturday Night Live - NBC
Sunday
9:00
Family Guy - Fox
Monday
8:00
How I Met Your Mother - CBS (-8:30)
Pretty Little Liars - CW
9:00
Greek - ABC Family
Lie To Me - Fox
9:30
Mike & Molly - CBS
10:00
Castle - ABC
Hawaii Five-O - CBS
Hoarders - A&E
Tuesday
8:00
Biggest Loser - NBC
Glee - Fox
9:00
Raising Hope - Fox (-9:30)
Hellcats - CW
What Not To Wear - TLC
10:00
?
Wednesday
8:00
American Idol - Fox
ANTM - CW (2/23)
9:00
Modern Family - ABC (-9:30)
Criminal Minds - CBS
9:30
Cougar Town - ABC
Mr. Sunshine - ABC (2/09)
10:00
Off The Map - ABC
Law & Order: SVU - NBC
Thursday
8:00
American Idol - Fox
Community - NBC (-8:30)
The Big Bang Theory - CBS (-8:30)
8:30
Perfect Couples - NBC
9:00
Grey's Anatomy - ABC
10:00
Private Practice - ABC
30 Rock - NBC (-10:30)
Archer - FX (1/27)
Friday
8:00
Super Nanny - ABC
Saturday
11:30
Saturday Night Live - NBC
Sunday
9:00
Family Guy - Fox
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Ze fireflies! Zey are sooooo lovely!
Hey, you know what must be tough? Being Meryl Streep's daughter, and being an actress. Mamie Gummer? Your name is crazy. Also, you have not really impressed me here, and I want so badly to like you. I'll give it time.
Ok, you know what? Good monologue, Mamie. Good monologue. Mama would be proud.
This "Off The Map" show is good. Coconut transfusion? Pushing it. And I think this lead girl is totally a Meredith Grey that's going to annoy me forever and sleep with the supervising doctor. But I'll give it a shot. I hope Rachelle LeFevre comes back, because I have a toooootal hair crush on her.
Ohhh ma-god this fireflies thing is so sappy but I am so crying.
Yeeeeeah my hair-lover is back! And it seems as though SHE is banging the head doc! Awesome. Omigod, she's totally gonna be the Addison! Addison = my fav GA character ever. Win.
Ok, you know what? Good monologue, Mamie. Good monologue. Mama would be proud.
This "Off The Map" show is good. Coconut transfusion? Pushing it. And I think this lead girl is totally a Meredith Grey that's going to annoy me forever and sleep with the supervising doctor. But I'll give it a shot. I hope Rachelle LeFevre comes back, because I have a toooootal hair crush on her.
Ohhh ma-god this fireflies thing is so sappy but I am so crying.
Yeeeeeah my hair-lover is back! And it seems as though SHE is banging the head doc! Awesome. Omigod, she's totally gonna be the Addison! Addison = my fav GA character ever. Win.
Super quick...
It has just occurred to me that Jesse Tyler Ferguson from Modern Family may be a grown-up version of Ferguson from Clarissa Explains It All. I know that's not the case, but oh my god, ISN'T HE?!
Also, George Lopez and everyone associated with his show is kind of stupid for playing "Jesse's Girl" for JTL's entrance music. Because he's gay. Which is not really that stupid, I just think George Lopez and everyone associated with his show, because I think George Lopez is annoying.
Signing off.
Also, George Lopez and everyone associated with his show is kind of stupid for playing "Jesse's Girl" for JTL's entrance music. Because he's gay. Which is not really that stupid, I just think George Lopez and everyone associated with his show, because I think George Lopez is annoying.
Signing off.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
The crow flies at midnight
So, apparently, when you have a pet cactus, you need to water said cactus. I assumed, apparently incorrectly, that because cactuses live in the fucking desert, I do not need to water them. I was mistaken. Poor cactus. Hang in there, little guy.
Hey, does anyone want a free 12-month subscription to Rolling Stone? No tricks, I swear. Only treats. I coincidentally bought two separate items recently that came with a free 12-month subscription to RS. I already took one for myself, and I would just hate to waste the other one! Lemme know, and I'll send it in with your info.
Look at that- this is like a real professional blog, givin' out free stuff. Check me ouuuuut, bitches.
Also, don't expect this to continue.
Watching The Biggest Loser makes me want to go for a jog and lose 300 lbs. Also, makes me want to punch Jillian in the face, in a moment of frenzied donut-deprived insanity.
Conan, Cannes is not pronounced "con". I too was once mistaken in this matter, but I do not have writers and researchers. That said, I love you, let's awkwardly conceive pasty-skinned children while wearing jeggings.
My legs are soreface. Which is contradictory, I realize. Oh hey, Javier Bardem is charming! Good for him! I don't think I've ever seen an interview with him before.
Conan's tie almost exactly matches the new pair of underwear I am planning to wear tomorrow. That must mean something. He's sending me a message. The crow flies at midnight!
Can we just....for a super quick second...if I can successfully paste a picture in here....talk about this:
I know this is not a new thing. But I only recently actually had this issue of EW in my hands, and uggghhh, I just love it. They are just so foxy together. I've had an on-off relationship with the both of them for years (Jake + Reese = NO. Reese + Ryan 4eva. Also, Jake and Taylor? Whaaa? So maybe it's just been a love/hate with Jake, because I think it's been nothing but like, love, and indifference with Anne. Anyway, whoa, tangentsville.) But you just cannot love them here. It is physically impossible. And it's so many different kinds of love! An "aww, adorable!" love, and a dirty dirty kind of love. And seriously, Jake Gyllenthhjfhbfjhbal is just irresistable. Who would've thought that the kid from October Sky would grow up to be such a hottie?! And Mia Thermopolis!
Anyway, this is a union I would FULLY SUPPORT in real life. Seriously. I thirst to see this movie. Too bad it was only in theatres for, like, a day. Leah and I were going to see it, but then we had to see Black Swan instead. Which was different.
Hey, does anyone want a free 12-month subscription to Rolling Stone? No tricks, I swear. Only treats. I coincidentally bought two separate items recently that came with a free 12-month subscription to RS. I already took one for myself, and I would just hate to waste the other one! Lemme know, and I'll send it in with your info.
Look at that- this is like a real professional blog, givin' out free stuff. Check me ouuuuut, bitches.
Also, don't expect this to continue.
Watching The Biggest Loser makes me want to go for a jog and lose 300 lbs. Also, makes me want to punch Jillian in the face, in a moment of frenzied donut-deprived insanity.
Conan, Cannes is not pronounced "con". I too was once mistaken in this matter, but I do not have writers and researchers. That said, I love you, let's awkwardly conceive pasty-skinned children while wearing jeggings.
My legs are soreface. Which is contradictory, I realize. Oh hey, Javier Bardem is charming! Good for him! I don't think I've ever seen an interview with him before.
Conan's tie almost exactly matches the new pair of underwear I am planning to wear tomorrow. That must mean something. He's sending me a message. The crow flies at midnight!
Can we just....for a super quick second...if I can successfully paste a picture in here....talk about this:
I know this is not a new thing. But I only recently actually had this issue of EW in my hands, and uggghhh, I just love it. They are just so foxy together. I've had an on-off relationship with the both of them for years (Jake + Reese = NO. Reese + Ryan 4eva. Also, Jake and Taylor? Whaaa? So maybe it's just been a love/hate with Jake, because I think it's been nothing but like, love, and indifference with Anne. Anyway, whoa, tangentsville.) But you just cannot love them here. It is physically impossible. And it's so many different kinds of love! An "aww, adorable!" love, and a dirty dirty kind of love. And seriously, Jake Gyllenthhjfhbfjhbal is just irresistable. Who would've thought that the kid from October Sky would grow up to be such a hottie?! And Mia Thermopolis!
Anyway, this is a union I would FULLY SUPPORT in real life. Seriously. I thirst to see this movie. Too bad it was only in theatres for, like, a day. Leah and I were going to see it, but then we had to see Black Swan instead. Which was different.
Who does depression hurt? Everyone.
Seasonal Depression is not my friend. At least I think it's seasonal depression. Maybe it's a post-holiday depression. Or just a general dissatisfaction with life.
It's just that I have made noe progress in anything since I moved home. In fact, I've regressed. Well, ok, the one thing I've accomplished is getting my license. But otherwise, I'm still working a meaningless job. At least when I was in Rochester, I came home from work and I had roommates and friends to play with, and trivia and parties and whatnot to attend. Now I come home and...do nothing, with no one, until I go to sleep, then get up and do it all over again. Well, I hang out with my parents, which is swell, because I love the 'rents, but I can only watch so much HGTV.
I didn't make a New Year's Resolution, because I know better, but I guess you could say that I have recently been trying to turn over a new leaf in taking some time for myself. I've always had a problem not being able to pull myself away from hanging out when people are home. Whether it's my parents here at home, or roommates in the apartment. If someone came home from work, I would come out of my room and hang out in the living room for the rest of the night. I like to be social! The only problem is, if I have any hope of getting anything done, like researching grad programs or writing...anything, I'm going to need to take some time to myself. Not that I've accomplished any writing since I've turned over this leaf, but I feel like this blog is a tiny step in the right direction.
I bought a whole slew of new bras and undies yesterday. Is there anything better, really?
Today's possible future course of study (it changes almost daily): museum studies.
I don't see why it's necessary to start making my own decisions at this point in my life. Why can't someone just decide and tell me what to do? That would be awesome. I need a keeper.
Also, I wish I could be one of those people that can do nothing with their face but wash it and put moisturizer on and have it look perfect. Or better yet, one of those people that does absolutely nothing with their face, sleeps with makeup on, etc, and still have it look perfect. But nope, I get to be the one that obsessively washes my face with specific cleansers, uses specific moisturizers, specific non-comedogenic makeup that i never sleep in, I got to the dermatologist, I don't touch my face, I change my pillowcases regularly, and yet my face looks absolutely awful. I've come to realize that I will never have good skin ever in my life. My acne has been worse since I graduated college than it's ever been, and yet recently I am noticing that I am actually starting to show age in my face, and my dermatologist said I have more wrinkles than 85% of my age group! Whaaaaa?! It's so frustrating, and I wish there was something I could do.
It's just that I have made noe progress in anything since I moved home. In fact, I've regressed. Well, ok, the one thing I've accomplished is getting my license. But otherwise, I'm still working a meaningless job. At least when I was in Rochester, I came home from work and I had roommates and friends to play with, and trivia and parties and whatnot to attend. Now I come home and...do nothing, with no one, until I go to sleep, then get up and do it all over again. Well, I hang out with my parents, which is swell, because I love the 'rents, but I can only watch so much HGTV.
I didn't make a New Year's Resolution, because I know better, but I guess you could say that I have recently been trying to turn over a new leaf in taking some time for myself. I've always had a problem not being able to pull myself away from hanging out when people are home. Whether it's my parents here at home, or roommates in the apartment. If someone came home from work, I would come out of my room and hang out in the living room for the rest of the night. I like to be social! The only problem is, if I have any hope of getting anything done, like researching grad programs or writing...anything, I'm going to need to take some time to myself. Not that I've accomplished any writing since I've turned over this leaf, but I feel like this blog is a tiny step in the right direction.
I bought a whole slew of new bras and undies yesterday. Is there anything better, really?
Today's possible future course of study (it changes almost daily): museum studies.
I don't see why it's necessary to start making my own decisions at this point in my life. Why can't someone just decide and tell me what to do? That would be awesome. I need a keeper.
Also, I wish I could be one of those people that can do nothing with their face but wash it and put moisturizer on and have it look perfect. Or better yet, one of those people that does absolutely nothing with their face, sleeps with makeup on, etc, and still have it look perfect. But nope, I get to be the one that obsessively washes my face with specific cleansers, uses specific moisturizers, specific non-comedogenic makeup that i never sleep in, I got to the dermatologist, I don't touch my face, I change my pillowcases regularly, and yet my face looks absolutely awful. I've come to realize that I will never have good skin ever in my life. My acne has been worse since I graduated college than it's ever been, and yet recently I am noticing that I am actually starting to show age in my face, and my dermatologist said I have more wrinkles than 85% of my age group! Whaaaaa?! It's so frustrating, and I wish there was something I could do.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Rebel Rebel
My time goes by so quickly, yet I'm doing nothing interesting.
I made three dinners in the past three days. The following:
1. Chicken Riggies
2. Mac & Cheese Shepherd's Pie
3. Broccoli Cheddar Soup in Bread Bowls, Panera-style
Sense of accomplishment...check.
I really, really, really need to do important things, like make actual decisions about classes I want to take, because otherwise my life doesn't change and I will be stuck in Camden foooorrrrreeeeevvvvveeeer. It's not so much that I am slacking on making decisions, it's that I have NO EFFING CLUE what I want to do with my life. None. Nada. And it's not like going off to college where I had no idea what I wanted to do, and just trusted that I would figure things out at some point along the way. College was a necessity, I had to go. But I cannot make the decision to drop thousands and thousands of dollars that I do not have to get another degree unless I am confident that said degree will lead to a job. Ergo, I do not get to choose to do something I want to do, just something that will make me money and get me a job. Disappointing. I wish there was just something I loved, or was meant to do, or had the talent to do, like teaching or acting or engineering or basket-weaving.
I think living in the gray area, with my life on pause, is even scarier than living paycheck-to-paycheck, on my own for the first time. I am so terrified of getting stuck in a rut. Every day that I am still here in Camden is another mile further away from Rochester and the rest of civilization. I cannot stay here. I will be letting everyone down, and doing myself a terrible disservice. I am so afraid that I am only able to live up to my very limited potential. Bleck.
ANYWHO...I did some spackling this weekend. I am slowly working my way towards a room makeover. Room makeover = new coat of paint. Now, my room was last painted....16 years ago. And between then and now, I went through a very enthusiastic Teen Beat phase. And anyone who has ever been in a bedroom or dormroom of mine knows, I like to cover everyspareinch of wall space. Ergo, my walls here look like swiss cheese. Ergo, I spent several hours yesterday spackling, and reprimanding my mother for allowing me to express my creativity through wall coverings.
Ergo, I have now used the word ergo five times in this post. I am so cool.
So I don't know how much everyone else follows current events/ pop culture. Arizona shooting, yes, awful, but that's not what I am going to discuss now. I recently read that a new edition of Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn is being released, with all 219 uses of the "n-word" being cut. Now, I certainly understand the rationale behind this: the "n-word" no longer politically correct. I even remember when we read this in 10th grade and each time Nigger Jim was mentioned, I cringed a little. It's just the natural reaction! However, while it is not a P.C. term nowadays, it most certainly was during the time Twain wrote the story, and the time period in which the story itself is set. In fact, it kind of plays a large role in representing the whole story of slavery and how blacks were treated in that time, which iiiiiis kind of a big part of the story. And really, why stop with just one word? Slavery is so not P.C., why not just cut any mention of that out of the book as well? And you know, I really found all the slavery in Roots pretty offensive, why don't we cut it out of that, too. Can you imagine what would become of classic literature if we cut out all the things that are now deemed "inappropriate"?
While we're at it, it cannot go unsaid that while our delicate sensibilities will be spared of the "n-word" in one classic work of literature, we will still be bombarded with it in the movies we watch, the music we listen to, and even the conversations we hear on the street. Hell, if MTV still played music videos, you wouldn't be able to make it through an entire segment of TRL without hearing a bleeped-out n-word. And, I'm sorry, I know I am just an ignorant white girl, but I think it's bullshit for it to still be okay for black people to use the word. If you can so casually throw around a word that is forboten for a great majority of society to even utter, you are keeping the word in the public consciousness, and leaving the door open to the word being used by the wrong people, in an offensive way. You can't have it both ways.
But that's enough of my ranting, I'll leave it up to the professionals: there was a excellent editorial on this topic in the Post Standard this weekend that I think EVERYONE should read:
"...it is troubling to think the state of reading comprehension in this country has become this wretched, that we have tweeted, PlayStationed and Fox News'd so much of our intellectual capacity away that not only can our children not divine the nuances of a masterpiece, but that we will now protect them from having to even try."
And if you aren't bored yet, you can read this take on the situation from an Elmira prof. who is Twain's biographer.
Well gee, this post really took a turn. Sorry about that. I guess we'll have to wait till another day to discuss the jeggings I just bought today. Conan O'Brien is my fashion icon.
G'night!
I made three dinners in the past three days. The following:
1. Chicken Riggies
2. Mac & Cheese Shepherd's Pie
3. Broccoli Cheddar Soup in Bread Bowls, Panera-style
Sense of accomplishment...check.
I really, really, really need to do important things, like make actual decisions about classes I want to take, because otherwise my life doesn't change and I will be stuck in Camden foooorrrrreeeeevvvvveeeer. It's not so much that I am slacking on making decisions, it's that I have NO EFFING CLUE what I want to do with my life. None. Nada. And it's not like going off to college where I had no idea what I wanted to do, and just trusted that I would figure things out at some point along the way. College was a necessity, I had to go. But I cannot make the decision to drop thousands and thousands of dollars that I do not have to get another degree unless I am confident that said degree will lead to a job. Ergo, I do not get to choose to do something I want to do, just something that will make me money and get me a job. Disappointing. I wish there was just something I loved, or was meant to do, or had the talent to do, like teaching or acting or engineering or basket-weaving.
I think living in the gray area, with my life on pause, is even scarier than living paycheck-to-paycheck, on my own for the first time. I am so terrified of getting stuck in a rut. Every day that I am still here in Camden is another mile further away from Rochester and the rest of civilization. I cannot stay here. I will be letting everyone down, and doing myself a terrible disservice. I am so afraid that I am only able to live up to my very limited potential. Bleck.
ANYWHO...I did some spackling this weekend. I am slowly working my way towards a room makeover. Room makeover = new coat of paint. Now, my room was last painted....16 years ago. And between then and now, I went through a very enthusiastic Teen Beat phase. And anyone who has ever been in a bedroom or dormroom of mine knows, I like to cover everyspareinch of wall space. Ergo, my walls here look like swiss cheese. Ergo, I spent several hours yesterday spackling, and reprimanding my mother for allowing me to express my creativity through wall coverings.
Ergo, I have now used the word ergo five times in this post. I am so cool.
So I don't know how much everyone else follows current events/ pop culture. Arizona shooting, yes, awful, but that's not what I am going to discuss now. I recently read that a new edition of Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn is being released, with all 219 uses of the "n-word" being cut. Now, I certainly understand the rationale behind this: the "n-word" no longer politically correct. I even remember when we read this in 10th grade and each time Nigger Jim was mentioned, I cringed a little. It's just the natural reaction! However, while it is not a P.C. term nowadays, it most certainly was during the time Twain wrote the story, and the time period in which the story itself is set. In fact, it kind of plays a large role in representing the whole story of slavery and how blacks were treated in that time, which iiiiiis kind of a big part of the story. And really, why stop with just one word? Slavery is so not P.C., why not just cut any mention of that out of the book as well? And you know, I really found all the slavery in Roots pretty offensive, why don't we cut it out of that, too. Can you imagine what would become of classic literature if we cut out all the things that are now deemed "inappropriate"?
While we're at it, it cannot go unsaid that while our delicate sensibilities will be spared of the "n-word" in one classic work of literature, we will still be bombarded with it in the movies we watch, the music we listen to, and even the conversations we hear on the street. Hell, if MTV still played music videos, you wouldn't be able to make it through an entire segment of TRL without hearing a bleeped-out n-word. And, I'm sorry, I know I am just an ignorant white girl, but I think it's bullshit for it to still be okay for black people to use the word. If you can so casually throw around a word that is forboten for a great majority of society to even utter, you are keeping the word in the public consciousness, and leaving the door open to the word being used by the wrong people, in an offensive way. You can't have it both ways.
But that's enough of my ranting, I'll leave it up to the professionals: there was a excellent editorial on this topic in the Post Standard this weekend that I think EVERYONE should read:
"...it is troubling to think the state of reading comprehension in this country has become this wretched, that we have tweeted, PlayStationed and Fox News'd so much of our intellectual capacity away that not only can our children not divine the nuances of a masterpiece, but that we will now protect them from having to even try."
And if you aren't bored yet, you can read this take on the situation from an Elmira prof. who is Twain's biographer.
Well gee, this post really took a turn. Sorry about that. I guess we'll have to wait till another day to discuss the jeggings I just bought today. Conan O'Brien is my fashion icon.
G'night!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
I do not like creating titles.
I hate snowmobiles. That is the most important thing I can say right now. Seriously, I did not miss them while I was in Rochester, they are a menace.
I think it's important for my lovely readers to know that I am typing this while watching the Peoples Choice Awards and not wearing pants.
Queen Latifah is annoying.
I am feeling very stream-of-conscious-y tonight. Typical.
Natalie Portman, why you gotta be so pretty?
If it weren't for Taylor Lautner, the cast of Twilight would collapse into a flaming ball of social awkwardness. Too bad his voice is so fucking annoying. But really, do they have some sort of threesome arrangement going on? Not just to make all the Twi-hards pee their pants, but they are aaaaaalways touching each other, and sharing secretive glances - all three of them! WTF, Tayrobsten, nobody likes secrets! Especially if the secret is that you all really enjoy touching each other. Because, hey, more power to ya!
I have gone horribly off track here.
This is a gift, from me, to all of you: http://www.jamesvandermemes.com/
You're welcome.
Also, did anyone hear that 4 of the 6 Mega Millions number were HURLEY'S NUMBERS FROM LOST?!?! If you are not a Lost fan, as I'm sure none of you are, you could not possibly care less about this information. If you are a Lost fan, you just got the heebie jeebies. If you are a Lost fan, and first heard, as I initially did, that ALL THE NUMBERS MATCHED HURLEY'S NUMBERS, you took this information, paused for a moment...remembered that just recently a billion birds spontaneously fell from the sky, while a trillion fish unexplainably floated to the surface...and realized that this is it, this is the end. Nevermind 2012, we're not even going to make it that far.
I read the headline about the numbers, and their connection to Lost, on my phone, while I was on the toilet. I proceeded to make a noise that, while I don't even remember what it was, caused my father to be concerned for my safety and the well-being of my bowels. But never you worry, I was just glimpsing, for one moment, the end of all things.
I think it's time for me to get into watching teen shows again. I'm thinking Greek, Pretty Little Liars, Hellcats, and 18 to Life. All four of those are motivated by attractive manboys who I've fallen in love with in other things. Like Cry Wolf, Harper's Island, Life With Derek, The Craigslist Killer, and Quarterlife, which I just totally could not remember the name of and had to look up on imdb. But points to anyone who can connect the man-dots there. So basically nobody.
Can I go see Country Strong, and not watch any of the parts with Gwyneth Paltrow or Tim McGraw, and just the parts with Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester? And not just because I love crazy names, but I have a little bit of a crush on both of them, and the commercial of them singing that "Give In To Me" song....oofah. I feel like it was wise of them to make a commercial featuring those two, for those of us who do not care for McGoop. Okay, I'm hanging up my hat on the celebrity name-mashes today. It's not one of my strongest talents.
So I've taken up legally downloading music lately, which I think is a big achievement for me. But I very much do so in spurts. I mention this, because I just went on iTunes to see if I could download that "Give In To Me" song, which I could and did, and because it was country, they recommended Jason Aldean's album to me. Now, I could not tell you one song Jason Aldean sings EXCEPT for his new(?) song with Kelly Clarkson, which I LOVE! Partly because I feel there's really been a Kelly Clarkson drought in my life lately. Also, I really like her hair in the video for it. And shoot, girl's got pipes. Then from THERE iTunes recommended Jerrod somethingorother...what is it...Niemann, Jerrod Niemann's album to me, which, again, couldn't tell you anything he sings offhand, but for some reason I remembered taking note of his name one day while watching CMT, (as I occasionally do while getting ready in the morning, when VH1's playing something sucky like the Black Eyed Peas), and not just because of the retarded spelling of his name, but also because I think I liked a song of his and wanted to research further. Well sure enough, he has a song "What Do You Want" that I enjoy. DL'ed it. And while I was there and feeling download-y, I finally downloaded the Black Keys album, because I just feel like that's something I need to own.
Wow, what a long boring post that was. Well, you asked for it kiddos. Literally. You literally asked for it. Demanded it, actually.
I'll quit while I'm behind here, and go read "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo", which started out slow but I'm really enjoying.
And there's butt plugs in it, so there's something for you, Meggo :)
I think it's important for my lovely readers to know that I am typing this while watching the Peoples Choice Awards and not wearing pants.
Queen Latifah is annoying.
I am feeling very stream-of-conscious-y tonight. Typical.
Natalie Portman, why you gotta be so pretty?
If it weren't for Taylor Lautner, the cast of Twilight would collapse into a flaming ball of social awkwardness. Too bad his voice is so fucking annoying. But really, do they have some sort of threesome arrangement going on? Not just to make all the Twi-hards pee their pants, but they are aaaaaalways touching each other, and sharing secretive glances - all three of them! WTF, Tayrobsten, nobody likes secrets! Especially if the secret is that you all really enjoy touching each other. Because, hey, more power to ya!
I have gone horribly off track here.
This is a gift, from me, to all of you: http://www.jamesvandermemes.com/
You're welcome.
Also, did anyone hear that 4 of the 6 Mega Millions number were HURLEY'S NUMBERS FROM LOST?!?! If you are not a Lost fan, as I'm sure none of you are, you could not possibly care less about this information. If you are a Lost fan, you just got the heebie jeebies. If you are a Lost fan, and first heard, as I initially did, that ALL THE NUMBERS MATCHED HURLEY'S NUMBERS, you took this information, paused for a moment...remembered that just recently a billion birds spontaneously fell from the sky, while a trillion fish unexplainably floated to the surface...and realized that this is it, this is the end. Nevermind 2012, we're not even going to make it that far.
I read the headline about the numbers, and their connection to Lost, on my phone, while I was on the toilet. I proceeded to make a noise that, while I don't even remember what it was, caused my father to be concerned for my safety and the well-being of my bowels. But never you worry, I was just glimpsing, for one moment, the end of all things.
I think it's time for me to get into watching teen shows again. I'm thinking Greek, Pretty Little Liars, Hellcats, and 18 to Life. All four of those are motivated by attractive manboys who I've fallen in love with in other things. Like Cry Wolf, Harper's Island, Life With Derek, The Craigslist Killer, and Quarterlife, which I just totally could not remember the name of and had to look up on imdb. But points to anyone who can connect the man-dots there. So basically nobody.
Can I go see Country Strong, and not watch any of the parts with Gwyneth Paltrow or Tim McGraw, and just the parts with Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester? And not just because I love crazy names, but I have a little bit of a crush on both of them, and the commercial of them singing that "Give In To Me" song....oofah. I feel like it was wise of them to make a commercial featuring those two, for those of us who do not care for McGoop. Okay, I'm hanging up my hat on the celebrity name-mashes today. It's not one of my strongest talents.
So I've taken up legally downloading music lately, which I think is a big achievement for me. But I very much do so in spurts. I mention this, because I just went on iTunes to see if I could download that "Give In To Me" song, which I could and did, and because it was country, they recommended Jason Aldean's album to me. Now, I could not tell you one song Jason Aldean sings EXCEPT for his new(?) song with Kelly Clarkson, which I LOVE! Partly because I feel there's really been a Kelly Clarkson drought in my life lately. Also, I really like her hair in the video for it. And shoot, girl's got pipes. Then from THERE iTunes recommended Jerrod somethingorother...what is it...Niemann, Jerrod Niemann's album to me, which, again, couldn't tell you anything he sings offhand, but for some reason I remembered taking note of his name one day while watching CMT, (as I occasionally do while getting ready in the morning, when VH1's playing something sucky like the Black Eyed Peas), and not just because of the retarded spelling of his name, but also because I think I liked a song of his and wanted to research further. Well sure enough, he has a song "What Do You Want" that I enjoy. DL'ed it. And while I was there and feeling download-y, I finally downloaded the Black Keys album, because I just feel like that's something I need to own.
Wow, what a long boring post that was. Well, you asked for it kiddos. Literally. You literally asked for it. Demanded it, actually.
I'll quit while I'm behind here, and go read "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo", which started out slow but I'm really enjoying.
And there's butt plugs in it, so there's something for you, Meggo :)
Monday, January 3, 2011
The Craigslist Killer
OMG LEAH OMG LEAH OMG OMG OMG I WISH THE CRAIGSLIST KILLER WAS THIS DREAMY WHEN YOU WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH HIM!!
Seriously. Good lord. Adorable. I would totally let him kill me. With cereal.
Also, OMG OMG OMG OMG the woman who plays his girlfriend's mother is totally the pregnant bitch from Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion. Is there anything NOT WONDERFUL about this movie?!
Jake McDorman is playing the Craigslist Killer. Apparently he's on Greek, as well. I may have to start watching that. If it's even still on? Anyway, he and I are prooooobably soulmates, because we were born 1 month apart. Isn't that how soulmates work?
Why am I so attracted to serial killers? I am going to need so much therapy someday.
And not to condone anything, but maybe, as a way to avoid getting murdered, you should not sell your cookies to strangers on Craigslist. Just maybe. But I don't want to sound creepy. It's most important to just not kill people. So craigslist away, I guess.
BILLY BALDWIN?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? BILLY BALDWIN IS IN THIS MOVIE?! Oscar. Automatic Oscar for Best Picture in the History of the World. I just don't understand how this could possibly be any better. It's like they've dedicated this to me. Maybe there will be a loving dedication in the credits.
The only thing that could make this better?
***
Craigslist Killer Phillip Markoff, played by super-attractive Jake McDorman: Hey, you know who always inspired me to not kill people? My close high school friend Leah. I should really call her...
Takes out untraceable cell phone
CKPMpbsaJMcD, con't: Leah! Hi! Gosh, it has just been FOREVER since we last spoke. Are you free for dinner? I kinda need someone to talk me off the ledge. The serial killin' ledge.
Leah: Oooo....sorry close high school friend Phillip Markoff, I am so busy, but you know who has SO MUCH TIME TO MEET YOU? My close personal friend Colleen!
CKPMpbsaJMcD hesitates.
CKPMpbsaJMcD: Do you think she would be able to talk me off the serial-killin' ledge?
Leah: I am at least 85% sure that she would not find your serial killing sexy enough to not at least try to talk you out of it.
CKPMpbsaJMcD: Sounds great! I can't wait to meet her!
Colleen walks through the doors at Applebees, to find CKPMpbsaJMcD waiting with a Chicken Fajita Roll-up with extra Mexi-Ranch dipping sauce.
CKPMpbsaJMcD: Colleen, so nice to meet you! I hope you don't mind, but I brought my friend Billy Baldwin with me.
He gestures to the handsome older man next to him.
Colleen freezes time, and turns to the camera, Zack Morris-style.
Colleen: (into camera) Awesome.
Epilogue: Colleen does not get serially killed.
Fin.
***
So, while I was busy writing that little gem, The Craigslist Killer has killed at least one, possibly 3 people. Also, Billy Baldwin brooded. Because brooding is all he knows.
Uh oh, attractive cereal killer, everything and everyone is closing in on you! Also, if your murderin' ass was all over TV as a suspect, wouldn't you MAKE SURE that the TV was never on local news or, say, CNN? Keep your fiancee away from the TV! "Hey baby, I'm super attractive, let's have constant sex until thousands of birds fall from the sky in Arkansas!" Oh hey, and then
CKPMpbsaJMcD suggested almost exactly that. Awesome. Why am I not a Lifetime Movie scriptwriter?!
Or am I? Dun dun dun.
Well, maybe I should be.
I'm sorry, but if the cops found 16 pairs of suspicious panties and a handgun under the mattress I share with my fiance, I would maybe question my wedding plans a little bit.
Oh, honey, you are waaaay too cute for prison. You are well on your way to being someone's bitch.
OH GOD NO HANGING! *she says like she doesn't know how this ends*
Interviewing past acquaintances? WHAT ABOUT LEAH WHO HAD HOMEROOM WITH HIM FOR 4 YEARS?!
Oooooh okay, let's be real for a second. Having a detective read your fiance's kinky Craigslist profile that says he's into transsexuals and a variety of other fun things? In front of your family, no less? Even if that detective is Billy Baldwin, it kind of made me want to throw up a little bit. Much like Meghan McCallister.
Ohhhh he's scared to death ohhhhh it's so sad. Ugh, this is awful.
Megan Pocket. To end on an insensitive note, all that made me think of, was this:
Megaaaaaaan Pockeeeeeet
Wow, actually, that was pretty sad. The ending. I am sad for that girl. I hope she finds happiness with a great guy someday. A great guy who is not a serial killer. Billy Baldwin, maybe?
Seriously. Good lord. Adorable. I would totally let him kill me. With cereal.
Also, OMG OMG OMG OMG the woman who plays his girlfriend's mother is totally the pregnant bitch from Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion. Is there anything NOT WONDERFUL about this movie?!
Jake McDorman is playing the Craigslist Killer. Apparently he's on Greek, as well. I may have to start watching that. If it's even still on? Anyway, he and I are prooooobably soulmates, because we were born 1 month apart. Isn't that how soulmates work?
Why am I so attracted to serial killers? I am going to need so much therapy someday.
And not to condone anything, but maybe, as a way to avoid getting murdered, you should not sell your cookies to strangers on Craigslist. Just maybe. But I don't want to sound creepy. It's most important to just not kill people. So craigslist away, I guess.
BILLY BALDWIN?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? BILLY BALDWIN IS IN THIS MOVIE?! Oscar. Automatic Oscar for Best Picture in the History of the World. I just don't understand how this could possibly be any better. It's like they've dedicated this to me. Maybe there will be a loving dedication in the credits.
The only thing that could make this better?
***
Craigslist Killer Phillip Markoff, played by super-attractive Jake McDorman: Hey, you know who always inspired me to not kill people? My close high school friend Leah. I should really call her...
Takes out untraceable cell phone
CKPMpbsaJMcD, con't: Leah! Hi! Gosh, it has just been FOREVER since we last spoke. Are you free for dinner? I kinda need someone to talk me off the ledge. The serial killin' ledge.
Leah: Oooo....sorry close high school friend Phillip Markoff, I am so busy, but you know who has SO MUCH TIME TO MEET YOU? My close personal friend Colleen!
CKPMpbsaJMcD hesitates.
CKPMpbsaJMcD: Do you think she would be able to talk me off the serial-killin' ledge?
Leah: I am at least 85% sure that she would not find your serial killing sexy enough to not at least try to talk you out of it.
CKPMpbsaJMcD: Sounds great! I can't wait to meet her!
Colleen walks through the doors at Applebees, to find CKPMpbsaJMcD waiting with a Chicken Fajita Roll-up with extra Mexi-Ranch dipping sauce.
CKPMpbsaJMcD: Colleen, so nice to meet you! I hope you don't mind, but I brought my friend Billy Baldwin with me.
He gestures to the handsome older man next to him.
Colleen freezes time, and turns to the camera, Zack Morris-style.
Colleen: (into camera) Awesome.
Epilogue: Colleen does not get serially killed.
Fin.
***
So, while I was busy writing that little gem, The Craigslist Killer has killed at least one, possibly 3 people. Also, Billy Baldwin brooded. Because brooding is all he knows.
Uh oh, attractive cereal killer, everything and everyone is closing in on you! Also, if your murderin' ass was all over TV as a suspect, wouldn't you MAKE SURE that the TV was never on local news or, say, CNN? Keep your fiancee away from the TV! "Hey baby, I'm super attractive, let's have constant sex until thousands of birds fall from the sky in Arkansas!" Oh hey, and then
CKPMpbsaJMcD suggested almost exactly that. Awesome. Why am I not a Lifetime Movie scriptwriter?!
Or am I? Dun dun dun.
Well, maybe I should be.
I'm sorry, but if the cops found 16 pairs of suspicious panties and a handgun under the mattress I share with my fiance, I would maybe question my wedding plans a little bit.
Oh, honey, you are waaaay too cute for prison. You are well on your way to being someone's bitch.
OH GOD NO HANGING! *she says like she doesn't know how this ends*
Interviewing past acquaintances? WHAT ABOUT LEAH WHO HAD HOMEROOM WITH HIM FOR 4 YEARS?!
Oooooh okay, let's be real for a second. Having a detective read your fiance's kinky Craigslist profile that says he's into transsexuals and a variety of other fun things? In front of your family, no less? Even if that detective is Billy Baldwin, it kind of made me want to throw up a little bit. Much like Meghan McCallister.
Ohhhh he's scared to death ohhhhh it's so sad. Ugh, this is awful.
Megan Pocket. To end on an insensitive note, all that made me think of, was this:
Megaaaaaaan Pockeeeeeet
Wow, actually, that was pretty sad. The ending. I am sad for that girl. I hope she finds happiness with a great guy someday. A great guy who is not a serial killer. Billy Baldwin, maybe?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)