RAGE

Dear [redacted - you can find this by googling - YIKES],


Thank you so much for not responding to the 4 emails I have sent you regarding my interview 3 FUCKING WEEKS AGO. I really appreciate the respect and professionalism you have demonstrated in your utter lack of consideration. I mean, I know you've undoubtedly been super busy contemplating just which pair of high-waisted plaid pants you will be wearing each day, and I know that must be exhausting, but if you could take just a second of your day to write me an email, or pick up your phone and call me, that would just be super duper.

Additionally, I'm getting a little wary about you holding my portfolio hostage. I have asked nicely for it to be returned to me, even offered to pick it up myself. I know you don't even know what it is, because when I gave it to you, you thought it was a collection of random articles by random writers that I thought you might...like...to read...so I can't imagine what the fuck you've been doing with it it for all this time. But I'd really like that back, useless though it has proven to be thusfar in my job search. I will even come to your NO MAN'S LAND of an office to get it! I will barge in without knocking!

Because yes, oh yes, let's not forget, I ALREADY FUCKING WORK FOR YOU! Hi...yeah...that's me, one of the monkeys over in customer service, the one trying desperately to escape? Me. Your response is critical to my escape plan. You can see my cubicle from your office. You could feasibly write me a note, fold it into a paper airplane, and lauch it over to my cubicle, if you wanted. That would admittedly be the coolest job rejection ever. See how easy it would be for you to JUST FUCKING LET ME KNOW if the position has been filled or you're not interested in me? I mean, aren't we all supposed to be one big happy family here at Mystic? In that case, can you please help a sister out here?

Fondly,
Colleen

P.S. I know where you live.

Well, that's that. Had to get that off my chest. But seriously, WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH POTENTIAL EMPLOYERS JUST NOT RESPONDING?! This is nowhere near the first time this has happened. Throughout my entire job search, even though all but one place said that they would definitely DEFINITELY let me know either way, whether I was hired or not, by such and such a day. They just do nothing. No call, no email, in this case, not even coming over to my desk and saying, "Hey, sorry." The only way I have gotten either of the "real" jobs I've had post college has been by calling repeatedly and pestering people. And this is not like, calling the next day either. This is "Oh, we'll definitely let you know either way by next Friday" and I call, like, a week or so after that. Other places I've called and called, spoken with secretaries, and they just say they'll pass along the message and definitely have someone get back to me. False.

I am 24 years old, relatively new to the workforce, and even I know this is unprofessional. I don't want to pester you with phone calls, but when I desperately need a job because I either don't have one and have no money, or the one I have currently is going to make me start killing people in cold blood, I JUST WANT SOME SORT OF ANSWER. If you don't want to get back to people you're not interested in, just tell them in the interview that if they don't hear from you by such-and-such a date, to assume that you are not interested. Don't promise that you will call with a result either way, and then don't do it! It is so fucking frustrating.

Basically, this whole situation...plus my disappointment that I obviously have not gotten the job I wanted, and will be stuck in a horrible customer service job presumably for the rest of time, because the college degree that I wasted thousands and thousands of dollars on that I cannot afford to pay back, is about as useful as a dirty diaper...has brewed up a delicious batch of Colleen rage.

Now as most of you are aware, Colleen rage is a very special thing. Because I am a social retard, and I do not know how to process emotions such as rage and anger, they come out all wrong, often at innopportune times. Basically, all of my emotions and feelings bottle up, until one single minor thing tips me off, and I start flailing and shrieking over something absolutely ridiculous. I am a big enough person to admit that every single time, it comes across as hilarious. But imagine, if you will, if you were furious and/upset about something....and how much more infuriating it would be if your rage was hilarious. Because now, not only are you pissed off about whatever you were pissed off about in the first place, plus the minor thing that tipped you off, but NOW you are pissed off that people are LAUGHING RIGHT IN YOUR FACE over your behavior. And there is NOTHING you can do to make them stop, or realize that you're serious, or that you're really upset, because the damage has already been done. So now you just have to get over it, take a loss, bottle up all of your feelings, and be regular ol' Colleen, because GOD FORBID Colleen is ever upset about something, because then she might not be able to listen to everyone else's problems.

So, there's that. I am not a happy camper. My job makes me miserable. I am, at this point, living at home and working in customer service for the long term. What I initially planned to be a quick time at home, for maybe a year, has turned into me living at home for a long, long time. I have no way of getting out with out a very decent paying job, and there is nothing, absolutely nothing like that in Camden. I can't look for a job outside of Camden, because I do not have a car. I cannot get a car because I am not even sort of able to afford one, and my parents cannot/will not help me with one. It is non-negotiable.

I am stuck in Camden with an awful job, no friends, and absolutely nothing to do. I'm a 24 year old waste of space. So I'm sorry if I'm not always able to entertain you.