Full of Useful Information

You know what takes more discipline than I have? Dieting.

I got a bunch of healthy diet food before my parents left on their cruise, figuring that if I was only focusing on feeding myself, I would easily be able to stick to the diet.

No. It's like my heart's just not in it. I haven't really taken the time to plan out what I'm going to eat, and figure out what is and is not included in the diet. Usually, when I start a diet, I start all gung-ho, but I'm feeling very meh and non-committal at this point. It's not that I hate the diet, it's just that when it comes time for food, I just don't have the energy to prepare specific diet foods. Also, I'm snacky. It's my biggest weakness. I wish food weren't so delicious.

I've done this diet before, it's called the Flat Belly Diet. I did it last year for like a week until I ran out of food and big SHOCK couldn't get to the store, so I had to start eating whatever crap was in the house again. I'm no expert on diets, but of those that I've tried, this one is the best. Reasonable portion sizes, tasty food, most yummy foods allowed, and a particular emphasis on some foods I happen to love: chocolate, avocados, and olives! It's not really much of a lifestyle change, like so many other diets are. I lost 7 lbs doing it for a week last year, and lord knows I could use some belly-flattening right about now.

That said, I am slowly working my way through a box of raisins right now, trying to pretend they're covered in chocolate.

In completely different news, you guys need to go to Old Navy and buy some t-shirts. I bought a couple a few weeks ago, and they are so effing comfortable. They're just plain v-necks, but they are wonderful. And they had a whole display of v-necks, scoop-necks, crew-necks (I initially said crew-cuts...wrong.), etc. and they are presumably all the same comfy material. They were $8.50, and if I recall correctly, 2 for $15. I know this is excessive promoting, but I love you guys, and I love cute comfy clothes. I would like to bring these 2 things together.

I feel like I should be accomplishing so much more while I'm here on my own. But I'm not. Well, I have actually done a lot of organizing, and I've painted an entire room as a surprise for my parents. But I guess I just thought I would have accomplished more. Then again, I'm not even halfway through my week of freedom, so I guess I should chill out.

***We interrupt your regular scheduled programming to say WHY THE FUCK ARE ALL THE RAISINS STUCK TO THE BOTTOM OF THE BOX?! Why make a food that tastes mediocre at best so difficult for me to eat with my giant sausage fingers?***

Anyway, let's play This Week In Songs I Fantasize About Singing on American Idol. True confession: there's a long list. Not even of particularly great songs. But I have created entire scenarios around these songs, including made-up characteristics about American Idol Contestant Colleen (aside from an ability to sing) that make my song choices especially poignant. Also, sometimes these songs are duets, established around a romantic subplot I've decided really needs to exist on Idol, because seriously, that many attractive and talented people could not be living together, now for a 10th season, and not ever have had anyone bang. Aside from the trashy Hollywood Week hot-tub flirtations that almost always make people sleep late and miss their group performance, there have been NO HOOKUPS WHATSOEVER! Not even hinted at! And don't you think The Powers That Be would be ALL OVER planting imaginary romantic entanglements to make the show more interesting? It is reality TV, after all. But no. Nothing. Fanfiction can only do so much, people. ANYWAY, things are different in my fantasy world. Because really, what is more perfectly my dream, than being a contestant on American Idol, and falling in love WITH ANOTHER CONTESTANT?! That'd get me a People Magazine cover, fo sho.

So aaaaaaaanyway, while listening to the best hits of the 80s 90s and today on Y94FM yesterday, I heard "Why Don't You Stay" by....I think Bob Seger. And god damn if that wouldn't just make a fantastic Idol song. Why, you ask? Let me tell you. Imagine it's the final weeks of Idol, and two contestants, be they secretly pining for one another, or just super close friends after all their backstage bonding in the mansion, sing a duet of "Why Don't You Stay". Sample lyrics: "We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow/ We've got tonight babe, why don't you stay" Reading between the lines: "We've got tonight [This is so great! We're on TV! With JLo! We live in a mansion! Everything is awesome!], who needs tomorrow [Fuck elimination night, WE'RE CELEBRITIES! We're gonna live forever like the kids from Fame!]/ We've got tonight babe, why don't you stay [how about you NOT get voted off, so that we can throw a huge rave in the mansion this weekend?]" Because if I were on Idol, my song choices would be lousy with clever secret messages. Because I would be the greatest Idol contestant of all time. I've worked it out to a science. If only I can find a lovesick mermaid whose beautiful singing voice I can steal.

In other news, I hate to sound straight outta 2006 here, but the lead singer of Panic! At The Disco is really attractive.

***Hahahaha raisins, I showed you, I opened the OTHER END of the box. Don't you feel foolish!***

In other news, Jhole, I really needed you on Friday when I had to watch a customer service training video, and I desperately needed someone there to say "They're gonna do it!", because there were two people who were soooo obviously gonna do it, right there in their fake breakroom, but THERE WAS NO ONE! Do you think maybe that you could create some sort of pocket device, that when the need arises, one could just push a button, and some melodious Jhole tones would say, "They're gonna do it!"? Work on that.

I think I've lost my mind at this point. It's the raisins.