Grey's Anatomy: The Ridiculous Musical Event

Welp, missed the first few moments, because the Idol elimination was happening. Priorities.

Uh oh, bad news. Out-of-body experiences are not so good. Usually.

OH GOD THE SINGING IS HAPPENING ALREADY

Nope....was that just a preview? And was that the former theme song? I do believe so. I miss the theme song, and the kinky opening sequence. You know what? Why didn't ER ever do a musical episode? Oh wait, because that show wasn't a joke.

I hope the Chief and McSteamy sing Puttin On The Ritz, a la Young Frankenstein.

I hope Callie dies. Because I like her, and she is now better than this show. Oh god, she's singing Chasing Cars. Which is maybe not appropriate? Well, appropriate, but not tactful: "Haha, Callie was Chasing Cars, and then one stopped shirt, and she went through the windshield! THAT'LL TEACH HER TO CHASE CARS!" Chasing Cars: The Sequel. Listen, Sara Ramirez, you are a TONY AWARD WINNER! Why the fuck are you singing pop songs in a musical episode of awfulness?

Oh god, now Dr. Hunt is singing. I cannot handle this. It's only just started, and already it's so fucking ridiculous.

Who the fuck is Lucy....Lucy Knight from ER? RIP, RIP. Talk about intense episode, sheesh. Amirite? Oh wait, no one but me ever watched ER. And yet everyone watches Grey's. Just doesn't seem fair...

Hey, Owen's got a pretty bitchin voice. And he and Callie are kind of hot singing together. Good on that. Who needs Arizona and Cristina?

Oh god, Bailey....not you too.

You know what this is doing? Taking a serious episode/situation and making it ridiculous and silly. They might as well have had George's unrecognizable almost-corpse sing "007" after he got hit by a bus. Oooof....even that comment is "too soon" for me.

This is not even a good arrangement. It's SO cheesy!

Hey, you know when this exact plotline was done better? On Scrubs. Which was appropriate, because Scrubs was the perfect mix of comedy and drama. Primarily comedy, with some heart-wrenching or heart-warming moments mixed in. A musical episode worked for that show. Grey's? Not so much.

And you know what I love? And by "love", I of course mean, "think is so dumb"? That they are singing songs that have previously appeared on Grey's. Like, really? You couldn't afford to get the rights to some new songs?

Oh Jesus, Little Grey. You are NOT better than this, but I still wish I didn't have to hear it. And she's....not actually good. This is like Joey Potter singing "On My Own" all over again. My ears are bleeding worse than Callie's internal organs. BURN!

Well thank god you took your hair down, Little Grey, that's MUCH more dramatic and romantic. Which is what's really important at this moment.

You know who WON'T sing in this episode, because he is, in fact, better than this, and probably thinks this whole thing is ridiculous? Alex Karev, aka Justin Chambers. He probably can't actually sing, but wouldn't it be just precious to see him try? I am comparing this to all other musical episodes of shows ever, and I'm trying to decide if he would be more of a Spike or a Xander, in terms of musical episode performance. I feel like they would want him to be a Spike, because that's more character appropriate, but I think he would definitely be more of a Xander, because he's adorable.

Awww, Dr. Sloane, you are so foxy even when you cry. Only because I will always remember what you looked like coming out of Addison's bathroom in just a strategically-placed towel. I miss those days.

Alex, thank you for taking an interest in Arizona's well-being. Way to be a good doctor, and not a prima donna. Ugh Alex, you are just so awesome. Unlike your new boning buddy, who is a bitch and sucks.

YAYY I love when Addison comes back! This new chick is awful. I haven't really watched much this season, but she seems mean and bad at doctoring. I wish she and Alex weren't together in a biblical sense.

Were Addison and Callie even on Grey's at the same time? I don't remember them interacting at all. But I forget really when people came and went. And I don't really care enough to research it.

CAAAAAAAAAALM DOWN! GEEEEEET STRAIGHT! Hahahaha, this is hilarious. But really, Owen, you are really impressing me here. You know what? Owen is the Spike!

You know who won't sing? Any of the people in this scene. Cristina, Alex, and Meredith. Remember when Meredith used to be unbearable? Then she had a baby in real life, and that somehow made her character more bearable. And speaking of whatsername having a baby in real life, she looks so much better ever since she put on a few baby pounds! Her face is a little rounder, and she looks prettier and happier. Good for her.

I was JUST going to say Seattle Grace is The Death Palace, and then Alex beat me to it. What a wise, wise man. Great minds think alike, and should probably sleep together. Really though, how many doctors have died/ been seriously injured/ ill? So many. RIP George, I still miss you.

Hey, how does Mark have ANY say over what is done to Callie? They aren't even dating. He's the one that has some claim to the baby, yet he's the one that wants the baby dead, and Arizona, who didn't even want a kid, is fighting to save it. But I guess Arizona doesn't have any say in Callie's life either, because they're not even married. Which then opens up a pandora's box of legal question marks and political crap, but that's a different story for a different day. Basically, neither Arizona or Mark have any say. So Callie might as well just die already.

Oooooo, Mark, you can be the father of my child. Except that you're kind of being a dick right now. I like Arizona, be nice. Although I liked it much better when Arizona was ridiculously quirky and silly and cheerful and weird. Now she's kind of unhappy all the time, just like everyone else on this show.

Flashback! I love flashbacks. Though I wish this were an inexplicable 80s flashback. With dancing and bright colors.

WHAT the hell is this song? I don't even know these songs, unless they're by the Fray or Snow Patrol. Or whatever. Apparently a lot of the songs that have previously been featured on Grey's actually suck. They are not good enough to carry over and still be good when sung by people other than the original artist.

OWEN! HOT DAMN! I am in love with you in this episode. Especially with how naked and sexytime-y you are being right now! Good for you for multitasking. Oh, and I guess Cristina is singing. What the hell do I know. She and Burke never would have sung together.

OMG Noel is singing! Noel Crane from Felicity! How cute are you, buddy?! I still don't know why you're even on this show, but I don't question it, because you're always adorable, and I still kinda feel bad for you ever since Jennifer Garner left you for the adorable Michael Vartan, who she then left for the Most Adorable Ben Affleck. I think we can all agree she made the right choice. But still, Noel, I love ya.

OMG KAREV IS SINGING! ALEX KAREV IS SINGING! AND IT IS ADORABLE! HE IS SUCH A XANDER. Ugh, that was great and kinda hot and unnecessary.

There is lots of hotness happening right now. Which does not really seem appropriate, considering Callie and her baby are on the brink of death. But, you know, do what you gotta do, I guess.

Well, what do I know, every damn person is singing. But not Derek yet. He's still respectable.

OOOOOOOH MY GOD when McDreamy first appeared I thought it was going to be George, Sweet Baby Jesus I thought it was going to be George. I wish it were George. Nothing would be more appropos right now than a Callie and George beyond-the-grave duet. But disregarding they were ever husband and wife (ew.), and pretending they were only ever just friends, because I loved them as friends.

Well, looks like Cristina got her clothes back on in a jif! What a professional. She really should have thought about how marrying Owen would affect her career. Bet she regrets some life choices right about now.

Arizona, Mark is ALSO legally no one! Unless he has an actual legal claim over the baby, because he planted the seed. Which makes me think of the masturbatory emissions scene in Legally Blonde. Anyway, I don't really understand how the law works, so I'm not gonna worry about it.

Sara Ramirez, you are too good for this. I will say that again. I still don't know any of these songs that have apparently appeared on Grey's before, and I wish you weren't singing them. It saddens me. What will this do to your career, Sara? Also, Sara, I want you to know that I am saying this all out loud, because I love that you use the ethnically-fabulous pronunciation of "SA-da", which really goes well with Ramirez.

Addison and Mark, why don't you sleep together for old times sake? C'mon, do it for me. Because McSteamy is...McSteamy, and I have a MAJOR girl crush on Addison. She's a babe.

Why does Callie have a mom haircut already? Remember when she used to be such a hottie, dancing around in her underwear when she lived in the basement of the hospital? I miss those days.

Hey commercial break! This Happy Endings show looks GREAT! Cute guy from Flash Forward is on it! Look at all the Flash Forward stars getting romantic comedies since FF was canceled! And look at some of those romantic comedies already being canceled. Sad. But you know what? Keep 'em coming, because i feel there are just not enough sitcoms nowadays! To many hour-long dramas! Although I would really prefer hour-long sitcoms. The prevalence of hour-long dramas makes any half-hour sitcoms seem too short now. But remember when Friends was on? That never seemed as short as sitcoms do now! I remember ER used to seem soooo long, because it was an hour!

Anyway, back to Seattle Grace Death Palace, and lots of slow-mo running inside Callie's mind. I don't think there is nearly that much slow-mo running inside my head. But let's be real, there is nothing even related to running going on inside my head.

Good thing everyone's hair is perfect during this traumatic time. Whoops, except for Callie's, because now she has no hair. Sucks to be you. But hey, at least you got rid of that wretched mom haircut.

Has a whole day passed already? Huh. Only seems like 45 minutes.

You know who could probably handle this situation? Dr. Burke. Too bad he was a big ol' bigot. Well, not Burke himself. Just whoshisface that played him. Why is Cristina operating instead of Pointy Face? Did I miss something? I love Owen, but WHY is he singing the Fray? I love that McDreamy is silent in the midst of all this musical crap-throwing. Thank you, McDreamy. Just keeping doing your job. Being a doctor.

Ooooo, Pointy Face also sounds awful. Hope that's her only solo. See, this is why they should not make everyone sing in a musical episode. It's just embarrassing for some people. And in this case, by some people, I mean everyone.

No, wait, Sloane is the Spike. I cannot wait to watch this again with my mom. She'll just love it.

Little Grey, why are you here? You are so unnecessary. Why are you still on this show?

Everyone looks so silly with their mouths moving behind their masks.

Is this Callie's swan song? Literally? Well, I guess not literally, because she's not a swan. But really, is she dying? Hey dead baby! Well, maybe not dead. Yet. Tiny. Mark and Arizona, you're not supposed to beeeee here! Holy Jesus tiny baby! It looks like a Barbie! Everyone is alive and crying! Huzzah!

Commercial breeeeeak. Casey whoserfuck is in that happy endings show too! Casey Wilson! Awesome. Awesome. Loved her, miss her on SNL, like that she's sorta chubby, like that she's threatening to "physically fight" someone in the commercial.

Meredith, this is not the appropriate time to be jealous of Callie. What the hell IS going on, Meredith? The universe is screwed up, because America is stuck watching this awful show, and yet we cannot look away! Derek will make sure you have a baby, even if he has to steal it!

Ugh, I forget Callie's name is Calliope. Awful. And cheesy. Callie stop touching your own face, it's creepy. And stop saying "STUH-ries", it's annoying. And now Callie Torres has turned into Rachel Berry. How have I not made a Glee reference yet? Well, there we are.

Who is Callie singing to? Arizona? Mark? Her baby? Herself? So confusing. This is a great song, I wish this weren't happening to it now.

Hey, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Naked Guy, with the pretty eyes and the pretty everything, I wish you were singing. Also, you can do MUCH better than Little Grey. Why does she get all the hot guys when she is so awful?! I wish she had gotten shot in the big shooting rampage. Which, really, why didn't they just make that a musical episode? That would have been just about as fitting as this one.

Whoa there Callie, you're gonna break the bed! Calm down. You were made for yourself? Good for you? This is so creepy. Stop bringing yourself back to life through the power of song.

Well, I hope the Grey's Anatomy Big Gay Wedding happens on October 16th.

What is Meredith stealing next week, a baby in an envelope? Is that Callie's tiny baby in an envelope? Too soon for tiny baby jokes?

And to bring the ER reference full circle, Dr. Corday is on Private Practice. Having gross sex with a gross old guy. Gross. This is where I end this.