Eff eff eff I was in SUCH a writing mood, and now I am utterly bereft of inspiration. Why does this happen? I used to be able to write anything, all the time, and now I can't come up with anything. I struggle to come up with a few sentences and then my brain just explodes into dust. Gah.
This needs to NOT be happening right now. If I'm not going to grad school, I really need to be doing something with my life. I don't want to be a fuck-up. And not the adorable kind of fuck-ups like Burt and Verona in Away We Go, where they were still actually adorable and awesome and in love and had their whole lives of happiness together in front of them.
At this point, I have my whole life of living with my parents in East Jesus Nowhere and working in customer service ahead of me. I do not see where John Krasinski will come into play, and therefore I am not ok with it.
Blerg.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
How To Succeed in Customer Service Without Really Trying
So, I walked into work today, and before I could even sit down, the following conversation occurred:
Coworker: Colleen I heard you were mentioned at the Colleague of the Month meeting this morning!
Me: ?
Coworker: I wasn't there, but I guess some customer wrote a letter about you and Don [Sundman, owner of Mystic Stamp] read it aloud to everyone.
Me: Wha? Why? What did it say?
Coworker: I don't know, I wasn't there.
Fascinating recreation, I know. So after being congratulated by another coworker who was actually at the meeting and heard this letter read aloud, I asked for the deets. Apparently, some 90-something-year-old man wrote in to say that he was very ill, on oxygen, and basically just sitting in the corner waiting to die. He called in to Mystic for whatever reason, and I was so sweet nice and wonderful that it GAVE HIM THE WILL TO SOLDIER ON. So he wrote a letter to the Boss Man, who was so impressed by my awesome life-saving abilities that he read the touching letter aloud to the entire assembled staff of Mystic Stamp Company.
So, yeah.
Let's take a step back for a moment, for an important note:
I SELL STAMPS.
I SELL STAMPS WITH THE MINIMAL POSSIBLE AMOUNT OF COMMITMENT AND ENTHUSIASM.
I SELL STAMPS WITH THE MINIMAL POSSIBLE AMOUNT OF COMMITMENT AND ENTHUSIASM AND I SAVED A LIFE.
Imagine what I could do if I had actual skills!
People were congratulating me all day, it was great.
They're going to post the letter in the break room. Presumably to remind everyone of just how high the bar has been set. You upsold a binder? Oh, neat...I GAVE SOMEONE THE WILL TO LIVE!
Coworker: Colleen I heard you were mentioned at the Colleague of the Month meeting this morning!
Me: ?
Coworker: I wasn't there, but I guess some customer wrote a letter about you and Don [Sundman, owner of Mystic Stamp] read it aloud to everyone.
Me: Wha? Why? What did it say?
Coworker: I don't know, I wasn't there.
Fascinating recreation, I know. So after being congratulated by another coworker who was actually at the meeting and heard this letter read aloud, I asked for the deets. Apparently, some 90-something-year-old man wrote in to say that he was very ill, on oxygen, and basically just sitting in the corner waiting to die. He called in to Mystic for whatever reason, and I was so sweet nice and wonderful that it GAVE HIM THE WILL TO SOLDIER ON. So he wrote a letter to the Boss Man, who was so impressed by my awesome life-saving abilities that he read the touching letter aloud to the entire assembled staff of Mystic Stamp Company.
So, yeah.
Let's take a step back for a moment, for an important note:
I SELL STAMPS.
I SELL STAMPS WITH THE MINIMAL POSSIBLE AMOUNT OF COMMITMENT AND ENTHUSIASM.
I SELL STAMPS WITH THE MINIMAL POSSIBLE AMOUNT OF COMMITMENT AND ENTHUSIASM AND I SAVED A LIFE.
Imagine what I could do if I had actual skills!
People were congratulating me all day, it was great.
They're going to post the letter in the break room. Presumably to remind everyone of just how high the bar has been set. You upsold a binder? Oh, neat...I GAVE SOMEONE THE WILL TO LIVE!
Monday, May 2, 2011
Hungry Heart
The Hunger Games. Some of you may have read this series, but if not, YOU TOTALLY SHOULD! I know my recommendations are worth nothing to any of you, but honestly, this was hands down the best YA book series I have read since Harry Potter. And it was close to being AS GOOD as HP. And you should know that that is high praise coming from me.
ANYWHO, they are making a movie of the Hunger Games series (three books in the series: The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and Mockingjay), and it is likely going to be huge. Hopefully huger than the Twilight saga.
They have made some major casting announcements this past month. My feelings are as follows:
Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen: I can't be terribly disappointed in this choice. I've never seen her in a single thing, but she's seemed pretty appropriately bad-ass in clips I've seen of Winter's Bone. Because Katniss needs to be all bad-ass, righteous, archery-tastic.
Josh Hutcherson as Peeta Mellark: If I was rooting for anything in this casting race, it was this. I've loved Josh Hutcherson ever since he was a little child in Bridge to Terabithia, and especially in his recent performance in The Kids Are All Right. He is perfect to play The Boy With The Bread (this will make sense if you read the books), and I think he just might be able to change me over to Team Peeta.
Liam Hemsworth as Gale Hawthorne: Thiiiiiis one I'm just not pleased with. I was totally Team Gale, and he needs to be so much more rough around the edges, and bad-ass, and greasy and dirty and awesome than pretty boy "I dated Hannah Montana" Liam. Also, he's Australian, I think. That just doesn't jive for me.
Elizabeth Banks as Effie Trinket: I'm sure EB will do a fine job, but I had heard rumors that Kristin Chenoweth was in talks to play the part of prim, proper, sweet-as-pie Effie, and she would have been so perfect. Plus, I will support Cheno in anything and everything.
Rue and Thresh have been cast as well, with pretty fair and appropriate likenesses, so, good on them.
Certain key roles have yet to be cast. Haymitch Abernathy, the drunk good-for-nothing sponser? I would love to see RDJ in that role, (one for which he's spent a good time preparing). I'd take Hugh Laurie too. Only problem is, RDJ seems too young, and Hugh too old. Hmm, we'll see. Cinna, stylist to the stars: If you have ever seen America's Next Top Model, you will not be able to picture anyone but Mr. J as Cinna. I wish Mr. J was an actor, because I do not want to see anyone else play him.
IN CONCLUSION: Read The Hunger Games, because you're going to want to see the movie(s). Once you do, report back to me.
ANYWHO, they are making a movie of the Hunger Games series (three books in the series: The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and Mockingjay), and it is likely going to be huge. Hopefully huger than the Twilight saga.
They have made some major casting announcements this past month. My feelings are as follows:
Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen: I can't be terribly disappointed in this choice. I've never seen her in a single thing, but she's seemed pretty appropriately bad-ass in clips I've seen of Winter's Bone. Because Katniss needs to be all bad-ass, righteous, archery-tastic.
Josh Hutcherson as Peeta Mellark: If I was rooting for anything in this casting race, it was this. I've loved Josh Hutcherson ever since he was a little child in Bridge to Terabithia, and especially in his recent performance in The Kids Are All Right. He is perfect to play The Boy With The Bread (this will make sense if you read the books), and I think he just might be able to change me over to Team Peeta.
Liam Hemsworth as Gale Hawthorne: Thiiiiiis one I'm just not pleased with. I was totally Team Gale, and he needs to be so much more rough around the edges, and bad-ass, and greasy and dirty and awesome than pretty boy "I dated Hannah Montana" Liam. Also, he's Australian, I think. That just doesn't jive for me.
Elizabeth Banks as Effie Trinket: I'm sure EB will do a fine job, but I had heard rumors that Kristin Chenoweth was in talks to play the part of prim, proper, sweet-as-pie Effie, and she would have been so perfect. Plus, I will support Cheno in anything and everything.
Rue and Thresh have been cast as well, with pretty fair and appropriate likenesses, so, good on them.
Certain key roles have yet to be cast. Haymitch Abernathy, the drunk good-for-nothing sponser? I would love to see RDJ in that role, (one for which he's spent a good time preparing). I'd take Hugh Laurie too. Only problem is, RDJ seems too young, and Hugh too old. Hmm, we'll see. Cinna, stylist to the stars: If you have ever seen America's Next Top Model, you will not be able to picture anyone but Mr. J as Cinna. I wish Mr. J was an actor, because I do not want to see anyone else play him.
IN CONCLUSION: Read The Hunger Games, because you're going to want to see the movie(s). Once you do, report back to me.
Osama bin Dead City
Welp, clearly I am too far removed from 9/11, and how terrible and horrifying and awful and sad and scary it was, because though I am totally on board with what's been announced tonight, and realize it is a huge victory for the US, not to mention the rest of the world, the fact that people are partying in the streets, celebrating the death of a human being is...sobering to me. Even if he was just barely human. Bin Laden was not solely responsible for 9/11, and his death does not mean that we're not still going to have to take our shoes of at the airport. If his death serves as a comfort for those who lost loved ones in 9/11, then great. I just wish our country was coming together to celebrate something a little more jolly. An eye for an eye gets us all killed in a massive nuclear war.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Calling out J.Hud
"I never thought I was overweight. I thought my old look was pretty normal. That was how all the girls looked growing up in Chicago. I didn’t have any problem with it. It makes me smile to think back to myself when I did ‘Dreamgirls’ with Beyonce. I did see all these women in Hollywood, all very slim and I thought, ‘Wow, these ladies are very into themselves.’ I loved that I stood out in a room. You knew when you saw this woman it was Jennifer Hudson"
Bullshit. I'm sorry, but I am so sick of chubby celebs getting skinny and then saying "Oh I always loved my big chubby body, every size is beautiful, blah blah blah."
Bullshit. If you loved your body chubby, you would still be chubby. Oftentimes, they say they lost weight for health reasons, but you don't need to get down to a size 2 and pose on the cover of People magazine in order to be healthy.
There are so many celebrities that I used to love chubby, and they used to be all "I love my body, I'm happy the way I am, I don't see any reason to lose weight." Then a year later, they're a size 2 like everyone else.
Sara Rue?
Raven Symone?
J.Hud?
Guess what? You all look weird now. You're flaunting your "hot bod", but it's only "hot" in comparison to your old chubby bod. You're still no Kate Moss, if that's what you were going for. You have hangy skin. Droopy boobs.
I'm not saying they shouldn't lose weight, I'm not saying I wouldn't either if I was famous and had an endorsement deal from Weight Watchers and a personal trainer and nutritionist. But if I did, I wouldn't lie about it. I'd love to be a size two and have a flat stomach for ONCE IN MY LIFE as much as the next girl. Everybody does. You're not fooling anyone with your "health reasons" excuse.
Get real, ladies.
/rant.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Shower Thoughts
I swear I thought of 1000 hilarious things that I just HAD to blog about while I was in the shower, but now I can't remember any of them.
And I meant I thought of them in the shower, not that I blog in the shower. Although, now that I think of it, the concept of some sort of waterproof computer somehow built into the shower wall would just be delightful! What the hell am I talking about, what do I need a computer in the shower for? My showers would be a million hours long. Although it would be helpful to have YouTube available as a reference for when I am trying to recreate 90s music video choreography in the shower.
ANYWHO
First off, it should come as a surprise to absolutely no one that I will be getting up at 4am to watch the Royal Wedding. My love for weddings only slightly outweighs my love for sleep. However, though I am setting my alarm for 4, I will probably actually be getting up anytime between 4 and 6, putting on my fascinator, and curling up on the couch. I don't even care that it's a royal wedding, per se. I'm just excited that a wedding will be broadcast in its entirety on TV, for me to watch in my jam jams. I wish they would give everybody's wedding this much attention! I wish there was a television network devoted entirely to weddings. Well, there probably is, somewhere, but I do not get that channel.
I am fighting a losing battle in my attempt to continue going to zumba classes (see also: going to the gym and/or dieting). The thing is, I actually LOVE zumba, I think it's so fun! I just wish it were not exactly 30 minutes after I get out of work. Not that I have to travel far or at all to get there, but I just need a bit to turn myself around when I get out of work. In gym-related news, I also love Planet Fitness, but it's just not worth my traveling to Rome every morning to go, I end up spending more time in the car than at the gym. I haven't been in several months, but I still haven't quit, so they're still taking my money, and I hate being one of those people. I mock those people who have gym memberships they don't use. I'm thinking of switching to Curves, because that's much more convenient location-wise, but I could not possibly feel any more blah about Curves. Planet Fitness is all...purple-y! Curves, I imagine, is not, and I'm anticipating it being so small and claustrophobic for a gym that it will result in me stabbing people.
I have had a word document open for over a week, in an attempt to actually do some non-social media writing. So far I have....*counts*...3 and a half sentences. It really serves as more of a guilt-inducing reminder than anything else. I don't know what my problem is, I just need to WRITE....SOMETHING! I think I'm so afraid I have no inspiration, no time to really dig in deep and accomplish something, and I'm afraid I've completely lost whatever ability I ever had to write. But I'm coming to realize that since I've pretty much come to the conclusion that going to grad school would be a massively unwise waste of time and money, I need to DO SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE or I'm going to kill someone. And I don't want killing someone to be the thing that I do with my life.
The thing is, I do have inspiration. I have a whole list of story and plot ideas, even for crazy things like screenplays and concepts for TV shows. My problem is I've got a vague idea of the Big Picture, a few really great ideas for big scenes, but nothing in the way of filler or character development. I have already, in so many instances, blatently stolen people from my real life and dropped them into one of my stories, because I am so terrible at character development. I feel like any character I try to create, without basing it on a real-life person is about as relatable as a mannequin. Not ever a supermodelquin, either. Though they're just fucking annoying.
I guess I'll just have to wait until we are in some sort of shipwreck/natural disaster/alien battle/plague, and I will survive, along with the cockroaches and Cher, and go on to tell our story to a future generation. Which, considering that it will be up to myself, Cher, and some roaches to create this future generation, I hope to hell I get some writing done so it doesn't come to that.
Our 10 year high school reunion is in 3 years, and by then I need to have accomplished something other than getting my driver's license. Because that does not so much compare to people getting doctorates and law degrees and getting married and popping out puppies. Because most people checked that off the list before we even graduated. Even if whatever I write is crap, I would like to at least be able to brag that I have written something the length of a book, and that I am "shopping it around to publishers". Because that will sound somewhat impressive, even if it is a blatant lie.
In other news, they released a trailer for the last Harry Potter movie. I watched it this morning, and came to the realization that I am most likely going to spend at least 50% of that movie curled up in a ball in a movie theatre seat, scream-crying. I wish you could all be here, so I could give you an example of scream-crying, but just imagine it as the loudest possible way of crying. I feel like it's just going to be all too much for me. Too much. I will not be able to keep my reactions inside me, so I will develop some sort of overemotional Harry Potter tourettes, and yell out things like "OH GOD HOGWARTS EVERYONE'S DYING ASK ME WHERE THE FUCKING DIADEM IS FRED FRED FRED RON HERMIONE JUST BANG ALREADY 'UNTIL THE VERY END' OH GOD OH GOD WTF FIENDFIRE FUCK YOU DRACO THIS EPILOGUE IS THE WORST THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD!" and then refuse to leave the theatre for hours afterward.
Oh god, why is it midnight and I am getting up in 4 hours to watch a wedding, and yet I am SO FAR FROM TIRED?! I will feel...poorly tomorrow. But woooooooo Friday!
And I meant I thought of them in the shower, not that I blog in the shower. Although, now that I think of it, the concept of some sort of waterproof computer somehow built into the shower wall would just be delightful! What the hell am I talking about, what do I need a computer in the shower for? My showers would be a million hours long. Although it would be helpful to have YouTube available as a reference for when I am trying to recreate 90s music video choreography in the shower.
ANYWHO
First off, it should come as a surprise to absolutely no one that I will be getting up at 4am to watch the Royal Wedding. My love for weddings only slightly outweighs my love for sleep. However, though I am setting my alarm for 4, I will probably actually be getting up anytime between 4 and 6, putting on my fascinator, and curling up on the couch. I don't even care that it's a royal wedding, per se. I'm just excited that a wedding will be broadcast in its entirety on TV, for me to watch in my jam jams. I wish they would give everybody's wedding this much attention! I wish there was a television network devoted entirely to weddings. Well, there probably is, somewhere, but I do not get that channel.
I am fighting a losing battle in my attempt to continue going to zumba classes (see also: going to the gym and/or dieting). The thing is, I actually LOVE zumba, I think it's so fun! I just wish it were not exactly 30 minutes after I get out of work. Not that I have to travel far or at all to get there, but I just need a bit to turn myself around when I get out of work. In gym-related news, I also love Planet Fitness, but it's just not worth my traveling to Rome every morning to go, I end up spending more time in the car than at the gym. I haven't been in several months, but I still haven't quit, so they're still taking my money, and I hate being one of those people. I mock those people who have gym memberships they don't use. I'm thinking of switching to Curves, because that's much more convenient location-wise, but I could not possibly feel any more blah about Curves. Planet Fitness is all...purple-y! Curves, I imagine, is not, and I'm anticipating it being so small and claustrophobic for a gym that it will result in me stabbing people.
I have had a word document open for over a week, in an attempt to actually do some non-social media writing. So far I have....*counts*...3 and a half sentences. It really serves as more of a guilt-inducing reminder than anything else. I don't know what my problem is, I just need to WRITE....SOMETHING! I think I'm so afraid I have no inspiration, no time to really dig in deep and accomplish something, and I'm afraid I've completely lost whatever ability I ever had to write. But I'm coming to realize that since I've pretty much come to the conclusion that going to grad school would be a massively unwise waste of time and money, I need to DO SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE or I'm going to kill someone. And I don't want killing someone to be the thing that I do with my life.
The thing is, I do have inspiration. I have a whole list of story and plot ideas, even for crazy things like screenplays and concepts for TV shows. My problem is I've got a vague idea of the Big Picture, a few really great ideas for big scenes, but nothing in the way of filler or character development. I have already, in so many instances, blatently stolen people from my real life and dropped them into one of my stories, because I am so terrible at character development. I feel like any character I try to create, without basing it on a real-life person is about as relatable as a mannequin. Not ever a supermodelquin, either. Though they're just fucking annoying.
I guess I'll just have to wait until we are in some sort of shipwreck/natural disaster/alien battle/plague, and I will survive, along with the cockroaches and Cher, and go on to tell our story to a future generation. Which, considering that it will be up to myself, Cher, and some roaches to create this future generation, I hope to hell I get some writing done so it doesn't come to that.
Our 10 year high school reunion is in 3 years, and by then I need to have accomplished something other than getting my driver's license. Because that does not so much compare to people getting doctorates and law degrees and getting married and popping out puppies. Because most people checked that off the list before we even graduated. Even if whatever I write is crap, I would like to at least be able to brag that I have written something the length of a book, and that I am "shopping it around to publishers". Because that will sound somewhat impressive, even if it is a blatant lie.
In other news, they released a trailer for the last Harry Potter movie. I watched it this morning, and came to the realization that I am most likely going to spend at least 50% of that movie curled up in a ball in a movie theatre seat, scream-crying. I wish you could all be here, so I could give you an example of scream-crying, but just imagine it as the loudest possible way of crying. I feel like it's just going to be all too much for me. Too much. I will not be able to keep my reactions inside me, so I will develop some sort of overemotional Harry Potter tourettes, and yell out things like "OH GOD HOGWARTS EVERYONE'S DYING ASK ME WHERE THE FUCKING DIADEM IS FRED FRED FRED RON HERMIONE JUST BANG ALREADY 'UNTIL THE VERY END' OH GOD OH GOD WTF FIENDFIRE FUCK YOU DRACO THIS EPILOGUE IS THE WORST THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD!" and then refuse to leave the theatre for hours afterward.
Oh god, why is it midnight and I am getting up in 4 hours to watch a wedding, and yet I am SO FAR FROM TIRED?! I will feel...poorly tomorrow. But woooooooo Friday!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Indian Burn Hex!
So, I have a very obsessive personality. I don't know how to just like things, I am either indifferent or OMGSOOBSESSED. Well, even if I am not necessarily OMGSOOBSESSED with something, I still need to know everything about it. For example, every time I watch a new movie or TV show, I have to go on IMDb and read up on it. And then possibly Wikipedia and TV.com. And also possibly research any intriguing actors or actresses.
So, anyway something I've come to enjoy the past few months: a little thing called Team Starkid. Yes, I agree that's a stupid-sounding name, and I do not know the significance of it. I first came to discover them when I became obsessed with Darren Criss aka Blaine on Glee. A quick google search lead me to the shocking revelation that he starred in A Very Potter Musical, by Team Starkid... a show that had SOMEHOW miraculously escaped my attention, as a Harry Potter fangirl (see also: obsession '04-'05). Well, obviously, I had to watch that RIGHT AWAY. And it was hilarious. So hilarious. Then I discovered there was also A Very Potter Sequel, which is also great.
But they don't just do Harry Potter stuff, oh no. They also have a little show called Me and My Dick. Which is about a guy...and his dick. I actually think it is one of the most original and hilarious concepts I have ever seen. I expected it to be all cop-out dick jokes, which, there are naturally a million dick jokes, but there's also an actual message, and a great plot. Good stuff.
I think part of the reason I love Team Starkid is that they are just a bunch of college friends that put together this show to entertain themselves, put it on YouTube for each other to see, and then they became a huge sensation. I just want to hang out with all of them. It's like if Fisher Players were talented and ambitious and not so lazy and all our dreams came true.
Anyway, I follow many of the Stakids on twitter, so we're as good as besties.
In a related train of thought, you know what bothers me? The fact that, as a lady, the term "I want to bone so-and-so" is not actually appropriate. Not because I'm classy at all, but because I do not do the boning. Because I don't have a bone. So I guess the appropriate phrase would be "I would liked to be boned by so-and so" IwouldliketobebonedbyafewStarkids.
I inserted links in this blog, knowing full well that of the 0-2 people that give this blog a cursory glance every now and again, 0% of them will actually investigate anything I link to. Especially since I have been trying to get any of my Harry Potter friends to watch AVPM, to no avail. Nobody cares, and I have no one to obsess with. Lame.
Oh my god, even I have lost interest in this post. I am trying to be better about posting, but I have such ADD.
So, anyway something I've come to enjoy the past few months: a little thing called Team Starkid. Yes, I agree that's a stupid-sounding name, and I do not know the significance of it. I first came to discover them when I became obsessed with Darren Criss aka Blaine on Glee. A quick google search lead me to the shocking revelation that he starred in A Very Potter Musical, by Team Starkid... a show that had SOMEHOW miraculously escaped my attention, as a Harry Potter fangirl (see also: obsession '04-'05). Well, obviously, I had to watch that RIGHT AWAY. And it was hilarious. So hilarious. Then I discovered there was also A Very Potter Sequel, which is also great.
But they don't just do Harry Potter stuff, oh no. They also have a little show called Me and My Dick. Which is about a guy...and his dick. I actually think it is one of the most original and hilarious concepts I have ever seen. I expected it to be all cop-out dick jokes, which, there are naturally a million dick jokes, but there's also an actual message, and a great plot. Good stuff.
I think part of the reason I love Team Starkid is that they are just a bunch of college friends that put together this show to entertain themselves, put it on YouTube for each other to see, and then they became a huge sensation. I just want to hang out with all of them. It's like if Fisher Players were talented and ambitious and not so lazy and all our dreams came true.
Anyway, I follow many of the Stakids on twitter, so we're as good as besties.
In a related train of thought, you know what bothers me? The fact that, as a lady, the term "I want to bone so-and-so" is not actually appropriate. Not because I'm classy at all, but because I do not do the boning. Because I don't have a bone. So I guess the appropriate phrase would be "I would liked to be boned by so-and so" IwouldliketobebonedbyafewStarkids.
I inserted links in this blog, knowing full well that of the 0-2 people that give this blog a cursory glance every now and again, 0% of them will actually investigate anything I link to. Especially since I have been trying to get any of my Harry Potter friends to watch AVPM, to no avail. Nobody cares, and I have no one to obsess with. Lame.
Oh my god, even I have lost interest in this post. I am trying to be better about posting, but I have such ADD.
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