5 Worst Songs in 2011

Since I shared what I thought were the best, it's only fair I mention the worst.  But only 5 this time, because I like to pretend that I focus on the positive more than the negative (false.)  And, of course, some of these are from 2010, because I have no concept of time.  But I hated them all in 2011.  HATED THEM.

5. I Love You This Big - Scotty McCreery
      Are you kidding me?  Sounds like something I could have sung at my nursery school graduation.  No, I'm sorry, that's an insult to the Peanut, Peanut Buuutter JELLY! song.  Also, American Idol is getting sooooo weak, it's making me sad.  And you know that is harder for me to say than anyone.  I will of course go down with that sinking ship.

4. Party Rock Anthem - LMFAO
      This song is Chapter 12 in How 3 Weddings In One Month Ruined My Life.  Because not only did I always hate this song, from the first time I heard it, and I hate those fucking dancing chipmunks, but this song was played, I'm pretty sure, at ALL THREE WEDDINGS.  And, without fail, everyone goes shitballs crazy for it.  Now, in a dancing situation, I am pretty tolerant of just about any song.  But by October 22nd, I was sitting this one out.  Because Jesus.  Seriously?  Ugh.  Most inescapable song of 2011.

3. On The Floor - JLo
       This was one of those songs that I went without hearing for sosososososo long after it came out, because I'm not hip anymore. (I blame TRL.  Come back.  Please.  You brought back Pop Up Video, now I just need TRL, Singled Out, and Legends of the Hidden Temple and my life will be complete.)  Anyway, I loves me some JLo.  But how long are we going to support her music career?  Because, guys, if we keep playing her songs, it's just going to convince her that she's a good singer.  And the more she keeps up this music thing, and puts off her acting career, the longer I have to wait for a Selena sequel.  Because that is the greatest thing JLo has ever done, (aside from Ben Affleck, AM I RIGHT LADIES), and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.  Anyway, this song is awful.  That's pretty much all there is to say about it.

2. The Time (Dirty Bit) - Black Eyed Peas
      How appropriate is it that as I begin to write about this, Time of My Life should come on my shuffle.  Because this is 90% of what kills this song for me.  Time of My Life is one of the best songs, ever.  It makes everyone happy.  You'd think that sampling an 80's classic would automatically make a song awesome.  Nope.  Not when you are The Black Eyed Peas, and have made it your personal crusade to ruin everything Colleen loves.  Because all this song does is remind me of what a great song TOYL is, and what a terrible song this one is.  And, dirty bit?!  What the fuck is that?  Shut the fuck up, Will.i.am, seriously.  And in Chapter 37 of How 3 Weddings In One Month Ruined My Life, this song was played at all three (Again, I think.  It's all a blur) and I SAT DOWN.  And by sat down, I mean found the nearest alcoholic beverage.  Possibly sat down while ingesting said beverage.

1. Sexy and I Know It - LMFAO
      Are you fucking kidding me?  This song makes me so angry just thinking about it.  Why is this even a song?  It is so ridiculous.  And it's not like I can't accept the theme.  Right Said Fred never done me wrong with I'm Too Sexy.  Can't get enough of that little ditty.  But this song is so asinine that it makes me want to slap a baby in the face.  And not a mean crying baby.  A sweet, rosy-cheeked little angel.  One of the sleeping babies in the holiday Pampers "Sleep in heavenly peace" commercial.  Right across the face. [Ed. note: I elaborated further on the baby slap, but then realized it made me seem like I have mental problems.  I really don't want to slap a baby, but this song sucks so hard I'm afraid it's going to drive me to it.]  It pained me to assign 2/5 of this list to one "artist", but these songs went so far in actively trying to ruin my life, that I had to give it to LMFAO.  And, the name, really?  Are you a 12 year old girl?  I AM NOT LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF AT ALL.

Honorable Mention:

Worst Glee Everything: Gwyneth Paltrow - Everything she sang, excepting Turning Tables
      Would You.  Please Stop.  Ruining My Life.  With Everything You Do.  Goop.

Best Attempt at Marketing Ruining My Life: JLo - Fiat commercial.
      JLo.  I'm not going to buy a Fiat.  And if I ever was, you have surely killed that notion, by assaulting me with your constant commercial presence.  No, I don't want to dance for my papi, thanks very much.  And really?  When's the last time you really visited your ol' hometown?  When is the last time you actually DROVE A CAR?!