Wise words from Mindy Kaling

Best Friends Rights and Responsibilities

Below, I've outlined what I believe are the rights and privileges of any best friend.

I CAN BORROW ALL YOUR CLOTHES
Anything in your closet, no matter how fancy, is co-owned by me, your best friend. I can borrow it for as long as I want. If I get something on it or lose it, I should make all good faith attempts to get it cleaned or buy you a new one, but I don't need to do that, and you still have to love me. If I ruin something of yours and don't replace it, you're allowed to talk shit about me to our other friends for a calendar year. That's it. Then you have to get over it. One stipulation to borrowing your clothes is that you have to have worn the item at least once before you borrow it. I'm not a monster.

I WILL TRY TO LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND FIVE TIMES
This is a fair number of times to hang out with your boyfriend and withhold judgment.

IF YOU'RE DEPRESSED, I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU
As everyone knows, depressed people are some of the most boring people in the world. I know this because when I was depressed, people fled. Except my best friends. I will be there for you during your horrible breakup, and you can tell me a hundred times the same sad stories about how you thought he was going to be the one. I will be there for you to tell your long revenge fantasies to, and also to Facebook stalk whoever you want. I know I will hate it and find you really tedious, but I promise I won't abandon you.

I WILL HATE AND RE-LIKE PEOPLE FOR YOU
But don't get mad if I can't keep track. Robby? Don't we hate him? No, we love him. Okay, okay, sorry.

IT IS OKAY TO TAKE ME FOR GRANTED
I know when you fall in love with someone you will completely forget about me. That hurts my feelings, but it is okay. Please try to remember to text me, if you can, if you know I have something going on in my life, like a work promotion or something.

NO TWO PEOPLE ARE BETTER THAN US
We fucking rock, no one can beat us.



These were excerpts from Mindy Kaling's book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (And Other Concerns), which comes out on November 1st. Everyone should get it, because she's adorable, and hilarious. Mindy, as you may or may not know, is a writer and actress on The Office, which I don't really watch, but whenever I do she's hilarious, and I follow her on twitter, and she's just great. So, anyway, buy the book.

ALL OF THESE RULES APPLY TO ALL OF YOU! I think that's totally fair.