Some Things

1. This is your cute video for the day:

Otter vs. Adorable Kid - watch more funny videos

2. I need a haircut. Desperately. The question is: what should I do with my hair? I've been recently thinking about maybe cutting it short, but I'm not going to do anything drastic before the wedding. So....do I keep growing it long, or do I cut it to some sort of middle length? The problem I'm having now is that my hair is very drab. It has no life to it, straight or curly, and I'm wondering if that's a length problem. And my bangs suck. They're almost nonexistant, off to the side, blending in with the rest of my hair. I don't know how to make them...not do this. I could go for a full bang, but that seems like...a lot. Especially since I have curly hair. I straighten my bangs everyday anyway, but....I don't know. I know you all care a while lot about my hair.

3. Chris Meloni is leaving SVU. Sad times. End of an era. I don't see that show going on without he and Mariska. But I WOULD watch a Finn & Munch spinoff. Hells yes.

4. Remember back when I was talking about The Hunger Games, that books series that I'm really excited about that's being made into a movie? Remember how there was a character that could be played by no one other than Mr. Jay from America's Next Top Model? Well, they've cast that role. And not with Mr. Jay, natch. But who DID they cast? Lenny fucking Kravitz. Riiiight? I am excited. I'm not sure if that's just because I fucking LOVE Lenny forever and ever, but I can also totally see him as Cinna. He's got a very soft, soothing, speaking voice, which I think will be perfect to play the voice of reason, calm in the storm, Cinna. Also he'll look fucking baller in whatever crazy ass outfits they put him in.

5. There was SO MUCH TV on tonight! Biggest Loser Finale, American Idol final two performance, Glee Finale, Dancing with the Stars Finale, and the Voice. My DVR just shit its pants in confusion. Yes, my DVR wear pants. Anyway, for most of the night, I watched The Biggest Loser, all by myself, and cheered and applauded and spoke to the contestants like I was there. Then watched the Voice, which is a lovely hour of Adam Levine every week. Watched the last 10 minutes of Dancing with the Stars for my mom. Now catching up on Idol, which is not surprisingly awful. My vote is for Scotty, because he just seems to have fun up there, and I am so sick of being disappointed with everything adorable Lauren Alaina wears or sings. They're doing original songs again this year, which fucking suck as always ("stupid-ass songs", to quote Maureen Weiler). Scotty's was called something retarded like "I Love You This Much". Why can't everyone just sing A Moment Like This? I think that would be more than appropriate. What's even more swell is that my DVR has just given up, and is refusing to fast forward. And I still have to watch Glee. Swell. Oh hey, Lauren's song is called "Like My Mother Does". A real tear-jerker, as you can imagine. And her creepy mother/clone in the audience has her hand in the air praising Jesus. And now Lauren and her mother are slow dancing. And now she's singing right in her mother's face. I hate everything about this. Jesus Fucking Christ, if this girl wins for singing a fucking song about her fucking mother, I will punch Ryan Seacrest in the face, cut him into tiny pieces, and feed them to Brian Dunkleman.

David Cook, take me away from this awful place. Let's fist-pump with Judd Nelson.

Monday Monday Can't Help That Day

Why is it that I feel like I have 5,000 things to do, yet here I am, laying on my bed, psyching myself up to get something done, when in fact, there's not much I can actually do. So many things are contingent on this this and this happening first, so here I sit, with (sort of) nothing to do, just listening to Pandora and blogging. I am so Gen X. Or are we Gen Y? I've never been really sure.

Well gee, it's really raining outside. I wish I were sitting somewhere where I could appreciate this rain more, but I've already holed up in my room in an effort to passive aggressively take a stand against my dad re: doing dishes. And if you've ever lived with me for any amount of time, you know how much I love passive aggressive activity. Anyway, I won.

So, I work part-time. 12-5. It sounds nice, but I would much prefer it if I could just go in at 8:30, and leave at, like, 2. Because then I would have the whole rest of the day ahead of me. Working till 5, even if you only started at 12, is pretty much like working a full day. That's a big chunk out of the middle of your day that renders you unable to do anything else. You would be amazed at how, somehow, no matter how early you may have a doctors appointment in the morning, before work, you will still somehow end up rushing to get back in time. Madness. That said, I would still rather working part time than full time. Especially customer service. Thankfully, people I work with are always jumping at the chance to work overtime, so, good for them. I will not work overtime unless I absolutely have to.

In other news, BethAmuso, I know you read this. And so, I would like to request that you hold a BethAmuso's Guide to Wearing Makeup Well class. Because you wear makeup well, and I do not know how to wear makeup and not have it look a. like I'm not wearing makeup b. like a painted hussy. There is no middle area. I need you to show me that middle area, BethAmuso. I will pay you $3.00.

Finally, I am considering moving this blog YET AGAIN, this time to Wordpress. I've been having some technical difficulties with Blogspot, but I feel like it's silly to move my no-big-deal blog for a 2nd time. So, I dunno, we'll see. I'm still looking into it.

My Brain is Broken

So I saw Bridesmaids today, and I think it's a pretty fair testament to the pathetic state of affairs that is my life, that instead of coming away from the movie guffawing at the movie's funny parts (which there were plenty), I was instead thrown into an existential crisis about the fact that, while Kristin Wiig's character has hit "rock bottom", she at least has a car, a hot guy to have sex with, even if he treats her like shit, a talent, and an adorable Irishman.

I have none of these things. Just the rock bottom part. Sigh.

In related news though....Melissa McCarthy is my hero. Seriously though, she is just great, Hilarious.

I Don't Wanna Wait

I swear I will write something worthwhile again sometime...someday...(probably not).

BUT! Until then, I give you this little gem, coming to a TV near you this fall:

http://bcove.me/csjtk3hf

Like, seriously? I don't even know how this can even be real, AND YET IT IS!

JAMES FUCKING VAN DER BEEK! Comin back with a vengeance!

Sage Advice from John Waters

Work Stuff

This is a topic I've touched on before, but seriously, when did people start dressing like stoners for work? My mom picked me up at work today, due to the car situation, and she saw two of my coworkers walk out before me. When I got in the car, she said, "Is that really what they wore to work today?" Yep. The people in question: the guy was wearing khaki shorts, an orange t-shirt, and a plaid button-down over it, (which I didn't think was that bad, comparatively), and the girl was wearing baggy jeans and a hooded sweatshirt (Also, it's 70 degrees. Why?).

Now, granted, I'm aware that I am only qualified for jobs that monkeys could do, but still: this is your JOB, people! Dress the part. Granted, it's not like I dress up AT ALL for work; today I am wearing black jeggings, flip-flops, a blue Old Navy flutter-sleeve shirt, and a grey short-sleeved cardigan. But compared to what other people wear, I look like I'm on the Oscar's red carpet. You name it- sweatshirts, baggy jeans, crappy tshirts, beer tshirts/sweatshirts, plastic shoes, baseball caps (on the gals, no less), etc. No makeup, no jewelry. What is wrong with people? DRESS THE PART! YOU WILL FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF! YOU ARE DOING AN ACTUAL JOB, NOT JUST FLIPPING BURGERS!

In other news, I finally got a copy of the letter that the customer whose life I supposedly saved sent in. Not quite as life-savey as people made it out to be, but still basically all about how awesome I am. I just wish that someone from senior management would acknowledge it, because no one important has said anything to me about it, which would be nice.

So, we've been having team building meetings for several weeks now, and today we had an exercise in giving feedback. Now, I don't actually have a problem with any kind of public speaking, I never did in school and I don't now. So I didn't feel nervous at all in doing this exercise, about what I had to say, etc. However, as I was speaking, I could feel myself getting hot, and when I was done, I looked down and my chest was BRIGHT RED, presumably matching my face. WTF?! So of course, now I look like someone who is so nervous and shy and awkward that I can't even speak to a group of 10 people that I see every day. And this ALWAYS happens to me. It's the same thing that always used to happen in auditions: I didn't really feel nervous at all, but my hands would be trembling, and my voice would shake so much I couldn't even get the notes out. I do not understand why, when I honestly do not feel nervous in a situation, my body betrays me, and makes me look like an asshole.

Paralyzing Social Awkwardness: The Colleen Weiler Story

My Brain Is A Pile of Crap: A One-Sentence Novel By Colleen E. Weiler

Eff eff eff I was in SUCH a writing mood, and now I am utterly bereft of inspiration. Why does this happen? I used to be able to write anything, all the time, and now I can't come up with anything. I struggle to come up with a few sentences and then my brain just explodes into dust. Gah.

This needs to NOT be happening right now. If I'm not going to grad school, I really need to be doing something with my life. I don't want to be a fuck-up. And not the adorable kind of fuck-ups like Burt and Verona in Away We Go, where they were still actually adorable and awesome and in love and had their whole lives of happiness together in front of them.

At this point, I have my whole life of living with my parents in East Jesus Nowhere and working in customer service ahead of me. I do not see where John Krasinski will come into play, and therefore I am not ok with it.

Blerg.

How To Succeed in Customer Service Without Really Trying

So, I walked into work today, and before I could even sit down, the following conversation occurred:

Coworker: Colleen I heard you were mentioned at the Colleague of the Month meeting this morning!

Me: ?

Coworker: I wasn't there, but I guess some customer wrote a letter about you and Don [Sundman, owner of Mystic Stamp] read it aloud to everyone.

Me: Wha? Why? What did it say?

Coworker: I don't know, I wasn't there.

Fascinating recreation, I know. So after being congratulated by another coworker who was actually at the meeting and heard this letter read aloud, I asked for the deets. Apparently, some 90-something-year-old man wrote in to say that he was very ill, on oxygen, and basically just sitting in the corner waiting to die. He called in to Mystic for whatever reason, and I was so sweet nice and wonderful that it GAVE HIM THE WILL TO SOLDIER ON. So he wrote a letter to the Boss Man, who was so impressed by my awesome life-saving abilities that he read the touching letter aloud to the entire assembled staff of Mystic Stamp Company.

So, yeah.

Let's take a step back for a moment, for an important note:

I SELL STAMPS.

I SELL STAMPS WITH THE MINIMAL POSSIBLE AMOUNT OF COMMITMENT AND ENTHUSIASM.

I SELL STAMPS WITH THE MINIMAL POSSIBLE AMOUNT OF COMMITMENT AND ENTHUSIASM AND I SAVED A LIFE.

Imagine what I could do if I had actual skills!

People were congratulating me all day, it was great.

They're going to post the letter in the break room. Presumably to remind everyone of just how high the bar has been set. You upsold a binder? Oh, neat...I GAVE SOMEONE THE WILL TO LIVE!

Hungry Heart

The Hunger Games. Some of you may have read this series, but if not, YOU TOTALLY SHOULD! I know my recommendations are worth nothing to any of you, but honestly, this was hands down the best YA book series I have read since Harry Potter. And it was close to being AS GOOD as HP. And you should know that that is high praise coming from me.

ANYWHO, they are making a movie of the Hunger Games series (three books in the series: The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and Mockingjay), and it is likely going to be huge. Hopefully huger than the Twilight saga.

They have made some major casting announcements this past month. My feelings are as follows:

Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen: I can't be terribly disappointed in this choice. I've never seen her in a single thing, but she's seemed pretty appropriately bad-ass in clips I've seen of Winter's Bone. Because Katniss needs to be all bad-ass, righteous, archery-tastic.

Josh Hutcherson as Peeta Mellark: If I was rooting for anything in this casting race, it was this. I've loved Josh Hutcherson ever since he was a little child in Bridge to Terabithia, and especially in his recent performance in The Kids Are All Right. He is perfect to play The Boy With The Bread (this will make sense if you read the books), and I think he just might be able to change me over to Team Peeta.

Liam Hemsworth as Gale Hawthorne: Thiiiiiis one I'm just not pleased with. I was totally Team Gale, and he needs to be so much more rough around the edges, and bad-ass, and greasy and dirty and awesome than pretty boy "I dated Hannah Montana" Liam. Also, he's Australian, I think. That just doesn't jive for me.

Elizabeth Banks as Effie Trinket: I'm sure EB will do a fine job, but I had heard rumors that Kristin Chenoweth was in talks to play the part of prim, proper, sweet-as-pie Effie, and she would have been so perfect. Plus, I will support Cheno in anything and everything.

Rue and Thresh have been cast as well, with pretty fair and appropriate likenesses, so, good on them.

Certain key roles have yet to be cast. Haymitch Abernathy, the drunk good-for-nothing sponser? I would love to see RDJ in that role, (one for which he's spent a good time preparing). I'd take Hugh Laurie too. Only problem is, RDJ seems too young, and Hugh too old. Hmm, we'll see. Cinna, stylist to the stars: If you have ever seen America's Next Top Model, you will not be able to picture anyone but Mr. J as Cinna. I wish Mr. J was an actor, because I do not want to see anyone else play him.

IN CONCLUSION: Read The Hunger Games, because you're going to want to see the movie(s). Once you do, report back to me.

Osama bin Dead City

Welp, clearly I am too far removed from 9/11, and how terrible and horrifying and awful and sad and scary it was, because though I am totally on board with what's been announced tonight, and realize it is a huge victory for the US, not to mention the rest of the world, the fact that people are partying in the streets, celebrating the death of a human being is...sobering to me. Even if he was just barely human. Bin Laden was not solely responsible for 9/11, and his death does not mean that we're not still going to have to take our shoes of at the airport. If his death serves as a comfort for those who lost loved ones in 9/11, then great. I just wish our country was coming together to celebrate something a little more jolly. An eye for an eye gets us all killed in a massive nuclear war.