Saturday, January 7, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
5 Worst Songs in 2011
Since I shared what I thought were the best, it's only fair I mention the worst. But only 5 this time, because I like to pretend that I focus on the positive more than the negative (false.) And, of course, some of these are from 2010, because I have no concept of time. But I hated them all in 2011. HATED THEM.
5. I Love You This Big - Scotty McCreery
Are you kidding me? Sounds like something I could have sung at my nursery school graduation. No, I'm sorry, that's an insult to the Peanut, Peanut Buuutter JELLY! song. Also, American Idol is getting sooooo weak, it's making me sad. And you know that is harder for me to say than anyone. I will of course go down with that sinking ship.
4. Party Rock Anthem - LMFAO
This song is Chapter 12 in How 3 Weddings In One Month Ruined My Life. Because not only did I always hate this song, from the first time I heard it, and I hate those fucking dancing chipmunks, but this song was played, I'm pretty sure, at ALL THREE WEDDINGS. And, without fail, everyone goes shitballs crazy for it. Now, in a dancing situation, I am pretty tolerant of just about any song. But by October 22nd, I was sitting this one out. Because Jesus. Seriously? Ugh. Most inescapable song of 2011.
3. On The Floor - JLo
This was one of those songs that I went without hearing for sosososososo long after it came out, because I'm not hip anymore. (I blame TRL. Come back. Please. You brought back Pop Up Video, now I just need TRL, Singled Out, and Legends of the Hidden Temple and my life will be complete.) Anyway, I loves me some JLo. But how long are we going to support her music career? Because, guys, if we keep playing her songs, it's just going to convince her that she's a good singer. And the more she keeps up this music thing, and puts off her acting career, the longer I have to wait for a Selena sequel. Because that is the greatest thing JLo has ever done, (aside from Ben Affleck, AM I RIGHT LADIES), and I will fight anyone who says otherwise. Anyway, this song is awful. That's pretty much all there is to say about it.
2. The Time (Dirty Bit) - Black Eyed Peas
How appropriate is it that as I begin to write about this, Time of My Life should come on my shuffle. Because this is 90% of what kills this song for me. Time of My Life is one of the best songs, ever. It makes everyone happy. You'd think that sampling an 80's classic would automatically make a song awesome. Nope. Not when you are The Black Eyed Peas, and have made it your personal crusade to ruin everything Colleen loves. Because all this song does is remind me of what a great song TOYL is, and what a terrible song this one is. And, dirty bit?! What the fuck is that? Shut the fuck up, Will.i.am, seriously. And in Chapter 37 of How 3 Weddings In One Month Ruined My Life, this song was played at all three (Again, I think. It's all a blur) and I SAT DOWN. And by sat down, I mean found the nearest alcoholic beverage. Possibly sat down while ingesting said beverage.
1. Sexy and I Know It - LMFAO
Are you fucking kidding me? This song makes me so angry just thinking about it. Why is this even a song? It is so ridiculous. And it's not like I can't accept the theme. Right Said Fred never done me wrong with I'm Too Sexy. Can't get enough of that little ditty. But this song is so asinine that it makes me want to slap a baby in the face. And not a mean crying baby. A sweet, rosy-cheeked little angel. One of the sleeping babies in the holiday Pampers "Sleep in heavenly peace" commercial. Right across the face. [Ed. note: I elaborated further on the baby slap, but then realized it made me seem like I have mental problems. I really don't want to slap a baby, but this song sucks so hard I'm afraid it's going to drive me to it.] It pained me to assign 2/5 of this list to one "artist", but these songs went so far in actively trying to ruin my life, that I had to give it to LMFAO. And, the name, really? Are you a 12 year old girl? I AM NOT LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF AT ALL.
Honorable Mention:
Worst Glee Everything: Gwyneth Paltrow - Everything she sang, excepting Turning Tables
Would You. Please Stop. Ruining My Life. With Everything You Do. Goop.
Best Attempt at Marketing Ruining My Life: JLo - Fiat commercial.
JLo. I'm not going to buy a Fiat. And if I ever was, you have surely killed that notion, by assaulting me with your constant commercial presence. No, I don't want to dance for my papi, thanks very much. And really? When's the last time you really visited your ol' hometown? When is the last time you actually DROVE A CAR?!
5. I Love You This Big - Scotty McCreery
Are you kidding me? Sounds like something I could have sung at my nursery school graduation. No, I'm sorry, that's an insult to the Peanut, Peanut Buuutter JELLY! song. Also, American Idol is getting sooooo weak, it's making me sad. And you know that is harder for me to say than anyone. I will of course go down with that sinking ship.
4. Party Rock Anthem - LMFAO
This song is Chapter 12 in How 3 Weddings In One Month Ruined My Life. Because not only did I always hate this song, from the first time I heard it, and I hate those fucking dancing chipmunks, but this song was played, I'm pretty sure, at ALL THREE WEDDINGS. And, without fail, everyone goes shitballs crazy for it. Now, in a dancing situation, I am pretty tolerant of just about any song. But by October 22nd, I was sitting this one out. Because Jesus. Seriously? Ugh. Most inescapable song of 2011.
3. On The Floor - JLo
This was one of those songs that I went without hearing for sosososososo long after it came out, because I'm not hip anymore. (I blame TRL. Come back. Please. You brought back Pop Up Video, now I just need TRL, Singled Out, and Legends of the Hidden Temple and my life will be complete.) Anyway, I loves me some JLo. But how long are we going to support her music career? Because, guys, if we keep playing her songs, it's just going to convince her that she's a good singer. And the more she keeps up this music thing, and puts off her acting career, the longer I have to wait for a Selena sequel. Because that is the greatest thing JLo has ever done, (aside from Ben Affleck, AM I RIGHT LADIES), and I will fight anyone who says otherwise. Anyway, this song is awful. That's pretty much all there is to say about it.
2. The Time (Dirty Bit) - Black Eyed Peas
How appropriate is it that as I begin to write about this, Time of My Life should come on my shuffle. Because this is 90% of what kills this song for me. Time of My Life is one of the best songs, ever. It makes everyone happy. You'd think that sampling an 80's classic would automatically make a song awesome. Nope. Not when you are The Black Eyed Peas, and have made it your personal crusade to ruin everything Colleen loves. Because all this song does is remind me of what a great song TOYL is, and what a terrible song this one is. And, dirty bit?! What the fuck is that? Shut the fuck up, Will.i.am, seriously. And in Chapter 37 of How 3 Weddings In One Month Ruined My Life, this song was played at all three (Again, I think. It's all a blur) and I SAT DOWN. And by sat down, I mean found the nearest alcoholic beverage. Possibly sat down while ingesting said beverage.
1. Sexy and I Know It - LMFAO
Are you fucking kidding me? This song makes me so angry just thinking about it. Why is this even a song? It is so ridiculous. And it's not like I can't accept the theme. Right Said Fred never done me wrong with I'm Too Sexy. Can't get enough of that little ditty. But this song is so asinine that it makes me want to slap a baby in the face. And not a mean crying baby. A sweet, rosy-cheeked little angel. One of the sleeping babies in the holiday Pampers "Sleep in heavenly peace" commercial. Right across the face. [Ed. note: I elaborated further on the baby slap, but then realized it made me seem like I have mental problems. I really don't want to slap a baby, but this song sucks so hard I'm afraid it's going to drive me to it.] It pained me to assign 2/5 of this list to one "artist", but these songs went so far in actively trying to ruin my life, that I had to give it to LMFAO. And, the name, really? Are you a 12 year old girl? I AM NOT LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF AT ALL.
Honorable Mention:
Worst Glee Everything: Gwyneth Paltrow - Everything she sang, excepting Turning Tables
Would You. Please Stop. Ruining My Life. With Everything You Do. Goop.
Best Attempt at Marketing Ruining My Life: JLo - Fiat commercial.
JLo. I'm not going to buy a Fiat. And if I ever was, you have surely killed that notion, by assaulting me with your constant commercial presence. No, I don't want to dance for my papi, thanks very much. And really? When's the last time you really visited your ol' hometown? When is the last time you actually DROVE A CAR?!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
10 Best Songs of 2011*
*As it turns out, some of these came out in 2010 [Ed. note: And...uh...maybe before that...]. But I enjoyed them primarily in 2011, so they're staying on the list.
10. Firework - Katy Perry
This song is on here, not only because I just really liked it in the beginning, I liked the message and the video, and I just plain like fireworks in general, but most importantly: it was 2011's Teddi Line Dance. Which was a great one, in that I was capable of learning it and remembering it for a really long time!
9. Don't You Wanna Stay - Jason Aldean f. Kelly Clarkson
This song caught me by surprise at whatever award show they performed this at. Jason Aldean started singing, and I immediately stopped paying attention, because he's not one of my favorites, and I could not even tell you another song that he sings. But then my girl Kelly started singing, and I did not know how much I had missed her until I heard her voice again. But even more than that, I love a good wistful country power-ballad!
8. Edge of Glory - Lady Gaga
There are two reasons this song made the list. 1) That Google Chrome commercial. Compelling stuff, people. Every time I hear this song I picture Gaga prancing across the Brooklyn Bridge. Really gets me going. 2) Clarence Clemons, aka The Big Man, aka Saxophonist and original member of the E Street Band, aka, the sax solo in this song. I am a sucker for a good sax solo, because I am a huge sax nerd, but The Big Man is just hands down THE BEST. Best there ever will be. RIP.
7. Moneygrabber - Fitz and the Tantrums
I realize there is a pretty decent chance you have never heard this song before. But it is so goddamn sassy, and catchy, and retro, and this is hands down the best band name in the history or band names. I will fight anyone who says otherwise. Seriously, can everyone just channel musical styles of olde? It just works out so nicely. New stuff sucks.
6. Turn to Stone - Ingrid Michaelson
So, turns out this song was actually released in 2009, so I'm really adhering to this whole "2011" thing pretty loosely. But I first heard of this song in 2011, and it's too good to not include on a list, and I didn't have a blog in '09, so y'all can suck it. Anyway, the lyrics are beautiful, and somewhat pertinant to my 2011, and HOLY SHITBALLS it was part of one of the greatest SYTYCD dances ever. Plus, I had to include some emo chick crying music on here. Because emo chick crying music is my default genre.
5. Not Over You - Gavin DeGraw
This song started as a slow burn. I has GdG's first album, and loved it, so he's one of those artists that I'm always happy to hear has a new song out. I heard this, thought it was decent, but didn't think much beyond that. Cut to the song burrowing its way into my brain with its wonderful catchiness. Plus, I saw him in concert for the first time in 2011, which was exciting. AND, he got attacked and subsequently hit by a car, all in one night in NYC. So he deserves some jolly associations with 2011.
4. Paris (Oh la la) - Grace Potter and the Nocturnals
Now, see, this song was 2011's top choice for Colleen's 2011 Rock Star Daydreams. Grace Potter is pretty much the bomb diggity, on top of looking like Heidi Klum, so I would love to walk a day in her sequined minidress. The way she snarls through this song, which is possibly sort of a stereotype of French people, is just so great. I just want to be a rock star. I don't think that's too much to ask.
3. Love the Way You Lie - Eminem f. Rihanna
I am just as surprised as anyone else to see Eminem here on my list. Not the biggest Eminem fan, (at least not since Stan, which I was obsessed with, because I'm a little bit twisted.) But does it even matter? I mean, is Eminem even in this song? For me, it is allllllll about Rihanna. This song has the best hook of 2011, unquestionably. (Hook, is that the right word, hook? I'm trying to be cool, but I don't actually know anything about anything. Chorus. It has a great chorus.) Although Eminem does contribute: "now you get to watch her leave out the window, guess that's why they call it window pane", for whatever that's worth. This song also gets the award for favorite video of 2011, because oh my dear sweet baby jesus. Dominic Monaghan, who played my love Charlie on Lost, but also Merry in LOTR, and someone on Flashforward, is in it, playing Eminem's character, basically. Opposite Megan Fox, who doesn't really do much for me, but good for you, hobbit. Super hot and angsty video. And those are two of my favorite qualities in a music video.
2. Rumour Has It - Adele
This song, while a bitchin song in it's own right, also represents all other Adele songs from this year, mainly Rolling In The Deep and Someone Like You, but I am currently on the outs with those songs due to oversaturation, so I am giving the main mention to Rumour Has It, which was really an album standout for me from the very beginning, and as of recently, was part of a GREAT and emotional mashup on Glee. THAT BEAT! SO GOOD!
1. Colder Weather - Zac Brown Band
I am begging you, if you have not heard this song, please listen to it. You can disregard everything else on this list, but this song is too beautiful and perfect to ignore. I first heard this song in a live performance with Amos Lee on CMT. Amos Lee is also awesome, which made it even greater. The song is just...wistful, bittersweet, and it makes me heart feel things for unknown reasons. Video in the link above is the official video, video below is the version with Amos Lee.
Honorable Mention
Best Guilty Pleasure Song: Skyscraper - Demi Lovato
A melodramatic song with silly lyrics, wailed by a Disney starlet fallen from grace, AND possibly about a Jonas Brother? It's like this song was made for me.
Best "Welcome Back": Red Hot Chili Peppers - The Adventures of Rain Dance Maggie
I want to live in the world evoked by RHCP music. I guess that world would be California. Really though, this song sounds just like their old stuff, which is a good thing. Welcome back, old friends. Keep up the good work.
Best Glee Songs: A TIE!
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Finn
Finn normally sucks so much on Glee, but he really knocked it out of the park with this one. Song choice is key, first of all, because this low register suits him so much better than big belty showtunes. He pretty much has the weakest male voice on the show, I don't know why they fancy him a belter, but whatever. FURTHERMORE, Cyndi Lauper is my hero, this is one of her most amazing songs, and the fact that they transformed it into an darker arrangement that sounds like a mix of early-90s Seattle rock and something that belongs on the Garden State Soundtrack....amazing. Well done.
I Feel Pretty / Unpretty - Quinn and Rachel
I Feel Pretty / Unpretty is possibly my favorite mashup they've ever done. Just so perfect, especially fitting for the theme of the episode. I pretty much loved everything TLC did back in middle school, much like every girl my age did. But I remember loving this song especially, for its message. Cause, you know, I was sort of unpretty in middle school. It was a tough time for all of us. So, I don't know if anyone else feels the same, but just hearing the intro of this song makes my heart break a little bit, thinking of all the little girls across the country, staring in the mirror and picking apart their imperfections. I'm notoriously not the biggest fan of West Side Story, I Feel Pretty included, but it's a fine song, and I'm a sucker for a good mash-up (even before Glee coined the title), and these two are so prefectly matched. It's also an awesome showcase for Dianna Agron's voice, which, while not the strongest on the show, is just so...sweet, and perfect for this.
Honorable Mention for this Honorable Mention: Songbird - Santana
Because this song basically just makes me shit tears anyway, and Naya Rivera has one of my favorite voices I have ever heard, and even though I am not Team Brittana (I imagine that's their title), Naya Rivera is really knocking it out of the park with her emotions. Also, holy shit, I can't believe they did Songbird. Ugh. My heart.
Here's to 2012 being even more wonderful!
10. Firework - Katy Perry
This song is on here, not only because I just really liked it in the beginning, I liked the message and the video, and I just plain like fireworks in general, but most importantly: it was 2011's Teddi Line Dance. Which was a great one, in that I was capable of learning it and remembering it for a really long time!
9. Don't You Wanna Stay - Jason Aldean f. Kelly Clarkson
This song caught me by surprise at whatever award show they performed this at. Jason Aldean started singing, and I immediately stopped paying attention, because he's not one of my favorites, and I could not even tell you another song that he sings. But then my girl Kelly started singing, and I did not know how much I had missed her until I heard her voice again. But even more than that, I love a good wistful country power-ballad!
8. Edge of Glory - Lady Gaga
There are two reasons this song made the list. 1) That Google Chrome commercial. Compelling stuff, people. Every time I hear this song I picture Gaga prancing across the Brooklyn Bridge. Really gets me going. 2) Clarence Clemons, aka The Big Man, aka Saxophonist and original member of the E Street Band, aka, the sax solo in this song. I am a sucker for a good sax solo, because I am a huge sax nerd, but The Big Man is just hands down THE BEST. Best there ever will be. RIP.
7. Moneygrabber - Fitz and the Tantrums
I realize there is a pretty decent chance you have never heard this song before. But it is so goddamn sassy, and catchy, and retro, and this is hands down the best band name in the history or band names. I will fight anyone who says otherwise. Seriously, can everyone just channel musical styles of olde? It just works out so nicely. New stuff sucks.
6. Turn to Stone - Ingrid Michaelson
So, turns out this song was actually released in 2009, so I'm really adhering to this whole "2011" thing pretty loosely. But I first heard of this song in 2011, and it's too good to not include on a list, and I didn't have a blog in '09, so y'all can suck it. Anyway, the lyrics are beautiful, and somewhat pertinant to my 2011, and HOLY SHITBALLS it was part of one of the greatest SYTYCD dances ever. Plus, I had to include some emo chick crying music on here. Because emo chick crying music is my default genre.
5. Not Over You - Gavin DeGraw
This song started as a slow burn. I has GdG's first album, and loved it, so he's one of those artists that I'm always happy to hear has a new song out. I heard this, thought it was decent, but didn't think much beyond that. Cut to the song burrowing its way into my brain with its wonderful catchiness. Plus, I saw him in concert for the first time in 2011, which was exciting. AND, he got attacked and subsequently hit by a car, all in one night in NYC. So he deserves some jolly associations with 2011.
4. Paris (Oh la la) - Grace Potter and the Nocturnals
Now, see, this song was 2011's top choice for Colleen's 2011 Rock Star Daydreams. Grace Potter is pretty much the bomb diggity, on top of looking like Heidi Klum, so I would love to walk a day in her sequined minidress. The way she snarls through this song, which is possibly sort of a stereotype of French people, is just so great. I just want to be a rock star. I don't think that's too much to ask.
3. Love the Way You Lie - Eminem f. Rihanna
I am just as surprised as anyone else to see Eminem here on my list. Not the biggest Eminem fan, (at least not since Stan, which I was obsessed with, because I'm a little bit twisted.) But does it even matter? I mean, is Eminem even in this song? For me, it is allllllll about Rihanna. This song has the best hook of 2011, unquestionably. (Hook, is that the right word, hook? I'm trying to be cool, but I don't actually know anything about anything. Chorus. It has a great chorus.) Although Eminem does contribute: "now you get to watch her leave out the window, guess that's why they call it window pane", for whatever that's worth. This song also gets the award for favorite video of 2011, because oh my dear sweet baby jesus. Dominic Monaghan, who played my love Charlie on Lost, but also Merry in LOTR, and someone on Flashforward, is in it, playing Eminem's character, basically. Opposite Megan Fox, who doesn't really do much for me, but good for you, hobbit. Super hot and angsty video. And those are two of my favorite qualities in a music video.
2. Rumour Has It - Adele
This song, while a bitchin song in it's own right, also represents all other Adele songs from this year, mainly Rolling In The Deep and Someone Like You, but I am currently on the outs with those songs due to oversaturation, so I am giving the main mention to Rumour Has It, which was really an album standout for me from the very beginning, and as of recently, was part of a GREAT and emotional mashup on Glee. THAT BEAT! SO GOOD!
1. Colder Weather - Zac Brown Band
I am begging you, if you have not heard this song, please listen to it. You can disregard everything else on this list, but this song is too beautiful and perfect to ignore. I first heard this song in a live performance with Amos Lee on CMT. Amos Lee is also awesome, which made it even greater. The song is just...wistful, bittersweet, and it makes me heart feel things for unknown reasons. Video in the link above is the official video, video below is the version with Amos Lee.
Honorable Mention
Best Guilty Pleasure Song: Skyscraper - Demi Lovato
A melodramatic song with silly lyrics, wailed by a Disney starlet fallen from grace, AND possibly about a Jonas Brother? It's like this song was made for me.
Best "Welcome Back": Red Hot Chili Peppers - The Adventures of Rain Dance Maggie
I want to live in the world evoked by RHCP music. I guess that world would be California. Really though, this song sounds just like their old stuff, which is a good thing. Welcome back, old friends. Keep up the good work.
Best Glee Songs: A TIE!
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Finn
Finn normally sucks so much on Glee, but he really knocked it out of the park with this one. Song choice is key, first of all, because this low register suits him so much better than big belty showtunes. He pretty much has the weakest male voice on the show, I don't know why they fancy him a belter, but whatever. FURTHERMORE, Cyndi Lauper is my hero, this is one of her most amazing songs, and the fact that they transformed it into an darker arrangement that sounds like a mix of early-90s Seattle rock and something that belongs on the Garden State Soundtrack....amazing. Well done.
I Feel Pretty / Unpretty - Quinn and Rachel
I Feel Pretty / Unpretty is possibly my favorite mashup they've ever done. Just so perfect, especially fitting for the theme of the episode. I pretty much loved everything TLC did back in middle school, much like every girl my age did. But I remember loving this song especially, for its message. Cause, you know, I was sort of unpretty in middle school. It was a tough time for all of us. So, I don't know if anyone else feels the same, but just hearing the intro of this song makes my heart break a little bit, thinking of all the little girls across the country, staring in the mirror and picking apart their imperfections. I'm notoriously not the biggest fan of West Side Story, I Feel Pretty included, but it's a fine song, and I'm a sucker for a good mash-up (even before Glee coined the title), and these two are so prefectly matched. It's also an awesome showcase for Dianna Agron's voice, which, while not the strongest on the show, is just so...sweet, and perfect for this.
Honorable Mention for this Honorable Mention: Songbird - Santana
Because this song basically just makes me shit tears anyway, and Naya Rivera has one of my favorite voices I have ever heard, and even though I am not Team Brittana (I imagine that's their title), Naya Rivera is really knocking it out of the park with her emotions. Also, holy shit, I can't believe they did Songbird. Ugh. My heart.
Here's to 2012 being even more wonderful!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Can I Keep You?
Hi gang!
I am still alive, I swear. I was just thinking how mad I was that Leah hasn't updated her blog in, like, forever, and then realized that I had not updated in way longer than that. And apparently I have avid readers (though they are rare commenters....just sayin...), so I apologize for my lapse.
I don't even really have much of anything to post right now. I'm just posting because I remembered to.
Some quick notes:
-How fucking great of a movie is Casper? Seriously! And more importantly, Devon Sawa. When he says "Can I keep you?" Come on. COME ON. I remember going with all my friends to see that movie for my ninth birthday party, and my friend Lisa was talking the whole way about how dreamy the kid who played Casper was. And then I saw it, and saw that he was an animated ghost, and was disappointed, but then got to the end and OH MY GOD did I understand. Ugh. So good. Also, that movie is maybe a little much for children. Lots of death. Bill Pullman actively trying to kill himself for pretty much the entire film. Happy 9th Birthday Colleen! Typical.
-American Horror Story. Please. I need someone to have watched this show, besides me. I spent about 20 minutes explaining the plot of the entire show to my parents last night at dinner, and they thought it was ridiculous. But it is, in fact, AMAZING. But now the season is over. Sad. But still...please watch at least what episodes are available online. Or at least the pilot. Just watch the pilot and let me know what you think.
-Christmas happened. It was lovely. Warm, cozy, and delicious.
-I got a haircut. If I weren't so unshowered right now, I would post a picture, for those that haven't seen it. I really love it though, it's exactly what I wanted. I'm pretty much obsessed with myself. Also, with short hair, glasses, and big boobs, I feel like I am a librarian/secretary/receptionist/teacher in a porn. Except without all the sex. Without any of the sex, really. I really need to get myself a pencil skirt.
-I've made the official decision that I am moving back to Rochester, come September-ish. I'm kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something to happen to make this impossible, or maybe for me to just return to the realization that this is impossible, because I have no money, but for now, I'm excited about it.
-The aforementioned PJ situation happened. I shall provide an epilogue to that story sometime in the future, as requested, though I've pretty much updated everyone. I survived.
-I am feeling...optimistic about 2012. I don't want to jinx myself, but 2011 was pretty much the worst year of my entire life, by a long shot, so I'm hoping against hope that 2012 can't possibly be any worse. Someone will probably be reading this aloud at my funeral, but whatever. Just make sure to include the part about Casper. And maybe not the part about me being a pornstar.
Happy Holidays. Well, the one remaining holiday left in the holiday season. I love everyone for reading this, and for loving me, and for making me happy throughout this miserable year. Here's to a wonderful 2012 full of a lot more of each of you in my life.
And maybe...some more posts? We'll see.
I am still alive, I swear. I was just thinking how mad I was that Leah hasn't updated her blog in, like, forever, and then realized that I had not updated in way longer than that. And apparently I have avid readers (though they are rare commenters....just sayin...), so I apologize for my lapse.
I don't even really have much of anything to post right now. I'm just posting because I remembered to.
Some quick notes:
-How fucking great of a movie is Casper? Seriously! And more importantly, Devon Sawa. When he says "Can I keep you?" Come on. COME ON. I remember going with all my friends to see that movie for my ninth birthday party, and my friend Lisa was talking the whole way about how dreamy the kid who played Casper was. And then I saw it, and saw that he was an animated ghost, and was disappointed, but then got to the end and OH MY GOD did I understand. Ugh. So good. Also, that movie is maybe a little much for children. Lots of death. Bill Pullman actively trying to kill himself for pretty much the entire film. Happy 9th Birthday Colleen! Typical.
-American Horror Story. Please. I need someone to have watched this show, besides me. I spent about 20 minutes explaining the plot of the entire show to my parents last night at dinner, and they thought it was ridiculous. But it is, in fact, AMAZING. But now the season is over. Sad. But still...please watch at least what episodes are available online. Or at least the pilot. Just watch the pilot and let me know what you think.
-Christmas happened. It was lovely. Warm, cozy, and delicious.
-I got a haircut. If I weren't so unshowered right now, I would post a picture, for those that haven't seen it. I really love it though, it's exactly what I wanted. I'm pretty much obsessed with myself. Also, with short hair, glasses, and big boobs, I feel like I am a librarian/secretary/receptionist/teacher in a porn. Except without all the sex. Without any of the sex, really. I really need to get myself a pencil skirt.
-I've made the official decision that I am moving back to Rochester, come September-ish. I'm kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something to happen to make this impossible, or maybe for me to just return to the realization that this is impossible, because I have no money, but for now, I'm excited about it.
-The aforementioned PJ situation happened. I shall provide an epilogue to that story sometime in the future, as requested, though I've pretty much updated everyone. I survived.
-I am feeling...optimistic about 2012. I don't want to jinx myself, but 2011 was pretty much the worst year of my entire life, by a long shot, so I'm hoping against hope that 2012 can't possibly be any worse. Someone will probably be reading this aloud at my funeral, but whatever. Just make sure to include the part about Casper. And maybe not the part about me being a pornstar.
Happy Holidays. Well, the one remaining holiday left in the holiday season. I love everyone for reading this, and for loving me, and for making me happy throughout this miserable year. Here's to a wonderful 2012 full of a lot more of each of you in my life.
And maybe...some more posts? We'll see.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
A Seasonal Walk Down Memory Lane
Listen. It's certainly been a long time since I was 14 years old. Longer than I like to think about. I have changed in a lot of ways, but every now and then, I am reminded that in some ways, I am very much the same.
For example, I think as long as I live, there will never be a time when JC Chasez does not make my heart explode a little bit.
[Ed. Note: At this point, if you do not know who JC Chasez is, I am certainly not going to explain it to you.]
I came across a video of him performing at the Trevor Project Live this weekend:
I mean, honestly? True Colors? One of my favorite songs, ever. Cyndi Lauper is my girl. And I don't care how old I am, or how old he is, he still makes my knees a little wibble-wobbly.
And then I came across this seasonally-appropriate little gem:
Heart. Melting. Their voices are like a sweater to my heart. And you can quote me on that. And Justin's sweater is like a sweater to....well...it's really fucking soft. What's funny, is that at some point, I have watched this performance enough times that I can close my eyes, listen to this song, and mimic JC's hand gestures perfectly. It's a sickness.
And to think my NSYNC obsession came before the days of YouTube is just outrageous. All of the EFFORT I put in to programming our 1983 VCR to record their every appearance, only to be outraged when the VCR refused to work during a very important TRL interview, or awards show performance. All those VHS tapes that I still....have....in my closet.
Anyway, back to the video....can I just say I miss THIS Justin Timberlake? Where did THIS Justin go? I mean, look at that adorable little angel face? Those caterpillar eyebrows that never quite completed their crawl across his forehead. I miss that Justin. New Justin is kind of douche-y.
Sigh.
File this under: sometimes I feel like I'm only blogging for Leah.
For example, I think as long as I live, there will never be a time when JC Chasez does not make my heart explode a little bit.
[Ed. Note: At this point, if you do not know who JC Chasez is, I am certainly not going to explain it to you.]
I came across a video of him performing at the Trevor Project Live this weekend:
I mean, honestly? True Colors? One of my favorite songs, ever. Cyndi Lauper is my girl. And I don't care how old I am, or how old he is, he still makes my knees a little wibble-wobbly.
And then I came across this seasonally-appropriate little gem:
Heart. Melting. Their voices are like a sweater to my heart. And you can quote me on that. And Justin's sweater is like a sweater to....well...it's really fucking soft. What's funny, is that at some point, I have watched this performance enough times that I can close my eyes, listen to this song, and mimic JC's hand gestures perfectly. It's a sickness.
And to think my NSYNC obsession came before the days of YouTube is just outrageous. All of the EFFORT I put in to programming our 1983 VCR to record their every appearance, only to be outraged when the VCR refused to work during a very important TRL interview, or awards show performance. All those VHS tapes that I still....have....in my closet.
Anyway, back to the video....can I just say I miss THIS Justin Timberlake? Where did THIS Justin go? I mean, look at that adorable little angel face? Those caterpillar eyebrows that never quite completed their crawl across his forehead. I miss that Justin. New Justin is kind of douche-y.
Sigh.
File this under: sometimes I feel like I'm only blogging for Leah.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Surprise
Well, the unthinkable is happening. Well, more like the highly unlikely.
My brother, his wife, and three children are coming for a "visit" next Saturday.
This will be the first time I have seen them, spoken with them, or communicated with them at all in over three years.
I haven't seen my niece Jenna since she was 2, she is now 5. I haven't seen my nephew Joshua since he was an infant, he is now 3. I have never seen my youngest niece, Jordyn.
I haven't seen PJ and Michelle since my mother called me in Rochester, crying on a random streetcorner in Lowville, because my parents had gone to their house to try to work things out, and both PJ and Michelle said terrible, unforgivable things to them, and told them to get off of their property or they were going to call the police. While my mother walked down unfamiliar streets to get away from the shouting, she called me crying because she thought my dad was going to give himself a heart attack.
I haven't seen PJ since both Gretchen and I sent him lengthy emails, because he and Michelle were screening their calls. Emails to which we received no response, but convinced him that we were puppets of my mother's creation, and he wanted nothing more to do with us.
I have not seen him since my parents have made repeated efforts to repair the relationship: apologizing for things they've never done, making phone calls where they only get torn down or ridiculed, going to therapy to see if any of this made sense from an outsider's perspective, driving almost 2 hours for 45-minute visits in which they weren't offered food or drink, weren't allowed to touch the kids, and were not acknowledged by Michelle at all.
I have watched these last several years as my parents get their hopes up that maybe things might work out this time, only to have them dashed again and again and again. I have watched how it has changed both of them, making them tense and emotional and argumentative. Now that I'm home, I have waited out a number of arguments about PJ and Michelle from up in my bedroom, just like a little kid.
We have passed holiday after holiday as a family of 4. While other people pass food around a giant family table, we're eating leftover turkey for 4 months. I have received no acknowledgment from my brother and his family of any birthday, or holiday, or achievement, or life event.
So now they're coming. For lunch. And will likely stay an hour. A very tense hour, with my father overjoyed, assuming everything is finally back to normal (as he always does), my mother trying way too hard to be nice and friendly and non-judgmental, which always comes off as horribly fake.
The variables in this situation are Gretchen and I. We are not sure we will be in attendance. No one ever thought this situation would arise. We never thought we'd have the opportunity to see them again until one of my parents died, if then. Now knowing that I have less than one week to emotionally prepare to have this entire section of "family" reenter my life is daunting.
I had hoped that by the next time I saw them, especially my brother, I would have accomplished so much that it would really make him regret missing out on all these years of my life. But I haven't. I have not done anything with my life in these last several years, other than screw it up even more. The only thing I have accomplished in the last three years of my life is getting my driver's license, which as I've said repeatedly, is a laughably embarrassing achievement at age 25 (or 24, as it were). I'm sure he'll be so impressed that I've gained 40 lbs, moved back in with my parents, have no social life, and work in customer service at a stamp company. He's obviously really missed out on a lot.
And this, I think, is my biggest reservation about seeing him again. Because as much as I talk a big game about being so angry at him, and never forgiving him, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he will show up on our doorstep on Saturday, and I will still see the PJ that watched an entire Celebrity Mole marathon with me, and taught me all the best about early-90s grunge rock, and couldn't watch as Gretchen and Leah and I rode the Skycoaster at Darien Lake. He is still my big brother, and I still want him to be proud of me. So in the same way that I avoid chatty phone calls, and ignore messages that friendly acquaintances write on my Facebook wall, and panic whenever I run into someone I know at Wal-Mart, I am terrified of being in a "getting-to-know-you" situation with him, where he will be asking all about my life, and I am so ashamed of the answers.
But I will be there, of course. And not only because my parents would be disappointed if I wasn't, and because I don't want to stoop to his level of pettiness. I will be there, because I am always the one to take the punches. I go into situations like these, knowing I will get hurt, knowing they will just make the constant weight in my stomach a little heavier. It is my naive disconnect with the real world, that makes me think everything will work out the way it should, when in fact everything has taught me otherwise.
So here I go, setting myself up to get kicked while I'm down, once again. Except this time it's going to hurt even more.
My brother, his wife, and three children are coming for a "visit" next Saturday.
This will be the first time I have seen them, spoken with them, or communicated with them at all in over three years.
I haven't seen my niece Jenna since she was 2, she is now 5. I haven't seen my nephew Joshua since he was an infant, he is now 3. I have never seen my youngest niece, Jordyn.
I haven't seen PJ and Michelle since my mother called me in Rochester, crying on a random streetcorner in Lowville, because my parents had gone to their house to try to work things out, and both PJ and Michelle said terrible, unforgivable things to them, and told them to get off of their property or they were going to call the police. While my mother walked down unfamiliar streets to get away from the shouting, she called me crying because she thought my dad was going to give himself a heart attack.
I haven't seen PJ since both Gretchen and I sent him lengthy emails, because he and Michelle were screening their calls. Emails to which we received no response, but convinced him that we were puppets of my mother's creation, and he wanted nothing more to do with us.
I have not seen him since my parents have made repeated efforts to repair the relationship: apologizing for things they've never done, making phone calls where they only get torn down or ridiculed, going to therapy to see if any of this made sense from an outsider's perspective, driving almost 2 hours for 45-minute visits in which they weren't offered food or drink, weren't allowed to touch the kids, and were not acknowledged by Michelle at all.
I have watched these last several years as my parents get their hopes up that maybe things might work out this time, only to have them dashed again and again and again. I have watched how it has changed both of them, making them tense and emotional and argumentative. Now that I'm home, I have waited out a number of arguments about PJ and Michelle from up in my bedroom, just like a little kid.
We have passed holiday after holiday as a family of 4. While other people pass food around a giant family table, we're eating leftover turkey for 4 months. I have received no acknowledgment from my brother and his family of any birthday, or holiday, or achievement, or life event.
So now they're coming. For lunch. And will likely stay an hour. A very tense hour, with my father overjoyed, assuming everything is finally back to normal (as he always does), my mother trying way too hard to be nice and friendly and non-judgmental, which always comes off as horribly fake.
The variables in this situation are Gretchen and I. We are not sure we will be in attendance. No one ever thought this situation would arise. We never thought we'd have the opportunity to see them again until one of my parents died, if then. Now knowing that I have less than one week to emotionally prepare to have this entire section of "family" reenter my life is daunting.
I had hoped that by the next time I saw them, especially my brother, I would have accomplished so much that it would really make him regret missing out on all these years of my life. But I haven't. I have not done anything with my life in these last several years, other than screw it up even more. The only thing I have accomplished in the last three years of my life is getting my driver's license, which as I've said repeatedly, is a laughably embarrassing achievement at age 25 (or 24, as it were). I'm sure he'll be so impressed that I've gained 40 lbs, moved back in with my parents, have no social life, and work in customer service at a stamp company. He's obviously really missed out on a lot.
And this, I think, is my biggest reservation about seeing him again. Because as much as I talk a big game about being so angry at him, and never forgiving him, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he will show up on our doorstep on Saturday, and I will still see the PJ that watched an entire Celebrity Mole marathon with me, and taught me all the best about early-90s grunge rock, and couldn't watch as Gretchen and Leah and I rode the Skycoaster at Darien Lake. He is still my big brother, and I still want him to be proud of me. So in the same way that I avoid chatty phone calls, and ignore messages that friendly acquaintances write on my Facebook wall, and panic whenever I run into someone I know at Wal-Mart, I am terrified of being in a "getting-to-know-you" situation with him, where he will be asking all about my life, and I am so ashamed of the answers.
But I will be there, of course. And not only because my parents would be disappointed if I wasn't, and because I don't want to stoop to his level of pettiness. I will be there, because I am always the one to take the punches. I go into situations like these, knowing I will get hurt, knowing they will just make the constant weight in my stomach a little heavier. It is my naive disconnect with the real world, that makes me think everything will work out the way it should, when in fact everything has taught me otherwise.
So here I go, setting myself up to get kicked while I'm down, once again. Except this time it's going to hurt even more.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Sisterhood
I just finished reading Sisterhood Everlasting, the last and recent installment in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series.
It made me cry, as several of the other books have. Not always because of the subject matter, but because, though I am not a Carmen, or a Tibby, or a Bridget, or a Lena, nor do I know anyone that fits very well in any of those molds, I do fancy myself part of a sisterhood. I have an amazing group of girls, some of the most wonderful people I have ever met, and I hope our lives are as forever entwined as The Septembers'.
As much as I worry about being left alone and left behind in several aspects of my life, I hope to see a day of rocking in a chair on a big porch, surrounded by familiar grey-haired friends, children running in the yard, getting along as though no time has passed.
Together or apart, no matter how far apart, we live in one another. We go on together.
It made me cry, as several of the other books have. Not always because of the subject matter, but because, though I am not a Carmen, or a Tibby, or a Bridget, or a Lena, nor do I know anyone that fits very well in any of those molds, I do fancy myself part of a sisterhood. I have an amazing group of girls, some of the most wonderful people I have ever met, and I hope our lives are as forever entwined as The Septembers'.
As much as I worry about being left alone and left behind in several aspects of my life, I hope to see a day of rocking in a chair on a big porch, surrounded by familiar grey-haired friends, children running in the yard, getting along as though no time has passed.
Together or apart, no matter how far apart, we live in one another. We go on together.
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