I smell.

Hey, so long story short (famous last words)...a few months ago, I moved to a new cubicle at work.  Shortly  after the move, my supervisor started sending out emails the the department reminding people to not wear heavy perfumes or lotions because we have people in the department that are sensitive to such things.  I paid these emails no mind, because I had just sat at the cubicle across from the girl with such allergies for a year, with no problems.

One day, as my coworker from the cubicle across from mine was leaving for the day, she asked to speak with me in one of the conference rooms.  Upon sitting down and closing the door, she informed me that the perfume I was wearing was making her physically ill and unable to breathe.  Needless to say, I was a bit surprised.  I have worn the same Vera Wang Princess perfume for 7 years, and have never encountered a problem with it.  And I don't bathe in it, because people that do that are disgusting.  A spritz on the throat, and a spritz on the wrist, and that's it.  Said coworker said she had never had a problem with scents or anything like that before, but something about this was really bothering her.  She was overly apologetic, asking me about 1000 times if I was mad at her, and apologizing for hurting my feelings.  My feelings were not hurt, but I felt bad to bring out such a reaction in someone.

The next day I came to work with no perfume, and all was well.  I told her what perfume I wear, so she could investigate what the allergy might be, and I assumed we were done.  However, for several days afterward, she continued to ask me if I was mad at her, and talk about how all the sleep she'd lost worrying that I was mad at her, and reliving just how AWFUL the perfume was, and how sick it made her feel.  And of course, in the same way that someone incessantly asking you "What's wrong?" becomes the only thing that is wrong, I did end up annoyed by her and the whole situation.  Plus, I love my perfume, and I miss wearing it!  I want to smell pretty!

So that was all, until this week.  Yesterday, mere minutes after I walked into work and sat down at my desk, said coworker asked if I was wearing my perfume.  I said no, because I truthfully was not.  I had dabbled in wearing different Bath and Body Works Body Sprays in the last few weeks, but wasn't even wearing any yesterday.  But as I was taking calls from customers for about the first hour I was there, she was asking the girl next to her (with a very SERIOUS allergy to scents), the woman next to me, people several desks over, people on the other side of the room, and everyone that walked by, if they could smell the AWFUL and OVERWHELMING and NAUSEATING scent that was making her sick.  Universal response: no.  But of course this was making me paranoid, so as I'm on the phone with customers, I was smelling my shirt and my pits and everything I could think of that might have a smell.  I mean there's tons of things: shampoo, conditioner, body wash, fabric softener, air freshener, etc.  But all I could determine that might be enough of a smell to carry over the cubicle wall was the hand lotion I had put on that morning,  As in, several hours before coming to work.

So after listening to her go on dramatically for an hour, all while shooting me the stink-eye, I finally snapped at her that I was wearing the same lotion I have worn every day (true.), but if she thought that was what was bothering her, I would go wash my hands AGAIN.  But even after taking a trip to the bathroom to rage-scrub my hands until they were pink, she carried on all day gasping, exclaiming "Oh, this smell!", and talking on the phone with customers with a tissue stuffed up her nose.  And glaring at me.  Always glaring at me.

So even though I was mega pissed, I came into work today wearing no perfume, no lotions, only unscented moisturizer on my face.  I was greeted by yet another department-wide email from my supervisor, asking us once again to not wear perfumes.  At this point, we are not supposed to wear perfume, body spray, lotion, lip gloss, chapstick, have hand sanitizer, or any of the above listed products at our desk.  In my opinion this is a liiiiittle extreme.  So I ignore it.  Anyway, so I waited all day for The Coworker to address me, and finally near the end of the day, she asked me if I was wearing a different lotion today, and I said no.  Because I am not wearing a different lotion, but I am not wearing the same lotion, because I am wearing no lotion.  But I wanted to gauge her reaction.  And sure enough, she said, it wasn't bothering her quite as much today, but it was still really burning her throat.  So now we're clear that she's just crazy.  She recommended I try using baby lotion.  I recommended she get herself allergy tested.  She looked offended.

So, my plan is to speak to my supervisor on Monday.  To get my word in, and not look like a scent bully.

So, this is my long boring work story.  That's what you get from demanding my return to blogging.  Moral of the story: I smell fucking GREAT, and everybody knows it.  Eff you, bitchy coworker.