I smell.

Hey, so long story short (famous last words)...a few months ago, I moved to a new cubicle at work.  Shortly  after the move, my supervisor started sending out emails the the department reminding people to not wear heavy perfumes or lotions because we have people in the department that are sensitive to such things.  I paid these emails no mind, because I had just sat at the cubicle across from the girl with such allergies for a year, with no problems.

One day, as my coworker from the cubicle across from mine was leaving for the day, she asked to speak with me in one of the conference rooms.  Upon sitting down and closing the door, she informed me that the perfume I was wearing was making her physically ill and unable to breathe.  Needless to say, I was a bit surprised.  I have worn the same Vera Wang Princess perfume for 7 years, and have never encountered a problem with it.  And I don't bathe in it, because people that do that are disgusting.  A spritz on the throat, and a spritz on the wrist, and that's it.  Said coworker said she had never had a problem with scents or anything like that before, but something about this was really bothering her.  She was overly apologetic, asking me about 1000 times if I was mad at her, and apologizing for hurting my feelings.  My feelings were not hurt, but I felt bad to bring out such a reaction in someone.

The next day I came to work with no perfume, and all was well.  I told her what perfume I wear, so she could investigate what the allergy might be, and I assumed we were done.  However, for several days afterward, she continued to ask me if I was mad at her, and talk about how all the sleep she'd lost worrying that I was mad at her, and reliving just how AWFUL the perfume was, and how sick it made her feel.  And of course, in the same way that someone incessantly asking you "What's wrong?" becomes the only thing that is wrong, I did end up annoyed by her and the whole situation.  Plus, I love my perfume, and I miss wearing it!  I want to smell pretty!

So that was all, until this week.  Yesterday, mere minutes after I walked into work and sat down at my desk, said coworker asked if I was wearing my perfume.  I said no, because I truthfully was not.  I had dabbled in wearing different Bath and Body Works Body Sprays in the last few weeks, but wasn't even wearing any yesterday.  But as I was taking calls from customers for about the first hour I was there, she was asking the girl next to her (with a very SERIOUS allergy to scents), the woman next to me, people several desks over, people on the other side of the room, and everyone that walked by, if they could smell the AWFUL and OVERWHELMING and NAUSEATING scent that was making her sick.  Universal response: no.  But of course this was making me paranoid, so as I'm on the phone with customers, I was smelling my shirt and my pits and everything I could think of that might have a smell.  I mean there's tons of things: shampoo, conditioner, body wash, fabric softener, air freshener, etc.  But all I could determine that might be enough of a smell to carry over the cubicle wall was the hand lotion I had put on that morning,  As in, several hours before coming to work.

So after listening to her go on dramatically for an hour, all while shooting me the stink-eye, I finally snapped at her that I was wearing the same lotion I have worn every day (true.), but if she thought that was what was bothering her, I would go wash my hands AGAIN.  But even after taking a trip to the bathroom to rage-scrub my hands until they were pink, she carried on all day gasping, exclaiming "Oh, this smell!", and talking on the phone with customers with a tissue stuffed up her nose.  And glaring at me.  Always glaring at me.

So even though I was mega pissed, I came into work today wearing no perfume, no lotions, only unscented moisturizer on my face.  I was greeted by yet another department-wide email from my supervisor, asking us once again to not wear perfumes.  At this point, we are not supposed to wear perfume, body spray, lotion, lip gloss, chapstick, have hand sanitizer, or any of the above listed products at our desk.  In my opinion this is a liiiiittle extreme.  So I ignore it.  Anyway, so I waited all day for The Coworker to address me, and finally near the end of the day, she asked me if I was wearing a different lotion today, and I said no.  Because I am not wearing a different lotion, but I am not wearing the same lotion, because I am wearing no lotion.  But I wanted to gauge her reaction.  And sure enough, she said, it wasn't bothering her quite as much today, but it was still really burning her throat.  So now we're clear that she's just crazy.  She recommended I try using baby lotion.  I recommended she get herself allergy tested.  She looked offended.

So, my plan is to speak to my supervisor on Monday.  To get my word in, and not look like a scent bully.

So, this is my long boring work story.  That's what you get from demanding my return to blogging.  Moral of the story: I smell fucking GREAT, and everybody knows it.  Eff you, bitchy coworker.

FUCK YEAH I'M BLOGGING

Hey!  Hey guys!  Hi there!  Remember me?  I'm your friendly neighborhood blogger, Colleen.  I lunched with my dear friend Jhole this weekend, and she reminded me that I have a blog hadn't blogged in awhile.  So then I decided to look back on my previous blogging, and fell in love with myself all over again.  So I thought I'd throw some more words at you, because I know you've all missed me so much.  However, bedtime approaches, so let's not get crazy.

1) It's always best for me to get my current obsession out of the way with the first bullet point, so here goes: Doctor Who.  I know guys.  It's one of my geekier obsessions.  But I don't even care, because it is SO GOOD.  It's been in my Netflix instant queue for awhile, because I just had a sneaky suspicion that anything that had such a monstrously huge fanbase, and featured skinny British geniuses saving the world, would probably be my undoing. Especially given my recent obsession with Sherlock, which is very much tied to Doctor Who for Stephen Moffat reasons that nobody cares about.  Anyway, I was overwhelmed by the billions of seasons of the show, and didn't know where to start.  But then my friend and yours, Lauren Bernardo, solved that problem for me by having Leah and I watch The Eleventh Hour, the first episode of the newest Doctor's reign.  Matt Smith is the newest Doctor, and holy craaaaaaaap I am in love with him.  It really took me by surprise.  Though it really shouldn't have.  And I love his companions, Amy and Rory Williams/Pond, though we are rapidly approaching the fall of the Ponds and OH MY GOD NOBODY CARES BUT I CAN'T STOP CARING.  It's great.  Whatever.  Here's a picture:

"If we're going to die, let's do it looking like a Peruvian folk band."

For the record I got way to carried away google imaging for that one, and now I've got all sorts of stuff to share with Leah.

2) I think I may be dying.  What kind of deadly disease could it be if you burp a lot?  I've never been a burper, can't even do it on command, so I don't really know what to do with myself now.  And I feel like I once read that burping is an unexpected side effect of, like, a heart attack, or brain hemorrhage, or parkinson's disease, or something.  We shall see.

3)  It's fall!  I love fall!  It's so pretty and smells good and Ican eat soups and casseroles all the time.  Fall!

4)  Ever since Labor Day, I have lost all concept of what day of the week it is.  I have no idea when or where I am, or where I'm supposed to be, at any given time.  But oddly enough it has made my Mondays suck less.

5)  New TV starts soon/has already started.  i made up my regular comprehensive TV schedule.  I'm not sure there's that many new shows I'm interested in, but I am definitely happy to see the return of some oldies but goodies.  Whyyyyyy do I have to wait until October for American Horror Story?!

Eh, I've run out of things, at the moment.  Had to make 2-5 short to make up for 1.  Who am I kidding, I lost interest after 1.  Anyway, it's bedtime for all the little Colleens in the world, so we'll have to continue this later.  But I will!  I swear!  The trickiest part is breaking back into it after a long absence.  But here I am, and here, hopefully, I shall return.  Shortly.

Goodnight.