So, this evening I watched the movie Dan In Real Life. I had it on my Netflix queue, because a bunch of people said it was great, and as a general rule I love everything with Steve Carell. I wasn't super psyched to see it, but my queue got all out of order, so there it was. Anyway, those of you that follow me on twitter may have noticed that I had a somewhat negative reaction* to it.
*Understatement.
This movie gave me a similar awful, rage-filled reaction that I've experienced a few times before, when it comes to movies, and I think I may have finally pinpointed what the issue is, and how it pertains to my life.
I hate, HATE, in movies when the protagonist is having a hard time, is struggling with dealing with various things that are going on in their life, and every other character tells them to basically get over it, they don't really have any real problems, they're over-reacting, etc. Basically, everyone just shits all over this person's feelings, and tries to make them feel like an incompetent child that doesn't know how to feel feelings correctly.
The first reaction time I ever experienced this in a movie was in 27 Dresses. A pretty innocuous film, for the most part. But you may remember the part where Katherine Heigl's sister, who is getting married, has their dead mother's wedding dress cut to bits to add here and there on her own stupid wedding dress (which she intends to wear to marry George, Katherine's years-long crush, but whatever). Cut to the engagement party, or rehearsal dinner, whatever it is, and Katherine puts together a scathing slideshow outing her sister as a tacky liar in front of George, and all of their friends and family. Now, her sister had built her entire relationship with George out of lies, and treated her sister, and really everyone like shit for the entire movie, and then she DESTROYED THEIR MOTHER'S WEDDING DRESS, THAT KATHERINE HEIGL HAD INTENDED TO WEAR AT HER OWN WEDDING. And yet somehow, Katherine's slideshow stunt is, like, the meanest thing anyone's ever seen, and suddenly she's the bad guy. And she ends up apologizing to her sister, and marrying James Marsden who is way cuter anyway, and everyone lives happily ever after.
BUT SERIOUSLY?! I mean, her sister's lies and man-stealing and everything else aside, she cut up her mother's wedding dress, and did not have an inkling of a thought that this might be the wrong thing to do. If I were Katherine Heigl's character, I would have murderered her on the spot. Right in the bridal salon. Strangled her with the mangled remains of my mother's wedding dress. How DARE anyone criticize Katherine Heigl's character for her well-deserved Slideshow of Revenge, after all the shit she had to put up with? The YEARS of people taking advantage of her, walking all over her?
The last time, and probably most powerful negative reaction to a film, was Bridesmaids. I know, I know, greatest/funniest movie anyone's ever seen, blah blah blah. And I don't disagree that there was plenty of hilarity. But....uh....remember all the parts where Kristen Wiig's life is terrible? That was less funny. Now, granted, I brought my own Emotional Maid-of-Honor Baggage to this movie, and also took issue with the fact that Kristen Wiig's life is terrible, and yet she is SLEEPING WITH JOHN HAMM and DATING ADORABLE INEXPLICABLY IRISH POLICEMEN, and I have never done either of those things, so I'm just left with the sucky parts of her life. But, for example, when Rose Byrne gives Maya Rudolph the TRIP TO FRANCE FOR JUST THE TWO OF THEM, at the bridal shower? I have seen this movie twice, and the second time, I had to leave the room during this part, and the ensuing shitstorm, because it is so upsetting to me. Not because I love France, though I do. But the idea that that rich bitch would take something she knew was so important to the friendship between these two girls, and steal it away from one of them? Oh my god, if I had been Kristen Wiig's character, that bridal shower would have become a bloodbath. Only the puppies would have survived.
And then she of course flips out and ruins the bridal shower. But prior to that, she did everything she could, despite the fact that she was depressed and miserable and poor and her life was falling apart, to be the best possible maid-of-honor, and make the best possible wedding experience for her best friend. And she screws it up, time and time again, through no fault of her own. And yet NO ONE GIVES A SHIT. After she flips out at the bridal shower, she is an absolute pariah, and only makes up with Maya just before her wedding. Her maid of honor responsibilities were REVOKED from her, by her BEST FRIEND. What a really shitting way of making everything about you, Maya. So, somehow, the fact that everything is supposed to be so fucking hilarious while the main character's life is just one disappointment after the next, and nobody cares, was just horrible to me. Did not make for an enjoyable movie-watching experience.
Finally, Dan In Real Life. Basically, Steve Carell's wife died four years ago, and he is raising their three daughters by himself. They go away for a weekend to his parents' house for a gigantic annual family gathering, and on their first morning there, Steve goes to a bookstore and ends up having a meet cute with a girl that ends up being his brother Dane Cook's girlfriend. So Steve has to spend the rest of the time in agony as they're being all cute to each other, and the rest of the family falls in love with her. She ends up breaking up with Dane Cook and leaving, because of the tension. Then Steve goes to meet her and the family catches them kissing and Steve is suddenly the worst person in the world, and a disappointment to everyone.
The way Steve Carell's entire family treats him throughout this entire movie is absolutely terrible. First of all, his wife died. Four years ago, which is a while, but also not. And he is raising these three girls (GIRLS!) all by himself, which can't be easy. At various points in the movie, his family mocks him for being loveless, encouraging him to "get back out there", set him up on a blind date, but then are horrified to find that he has actually found someone he cares about. Granted, it's not the ideal situation, but it's not like it was his brother's wife, it was his girlfriend. And he resisted his feelings entirely until after they had broken up. But before that, his family was coming down on him for his erratic and cranky behavior. But never once does anyone ask him if he is really okay, how he's feeling, if he's having trouble with the girls, if he needs some help. His wife died, for god's sake! No one is concerned that he could be seriously depressed? They just think he has a bad attitude? That is absolutely horrible.
So I think the theme is pretty clear here. People minimizing or altogether ignoring other people's feelings, depressions, problems, etc, is apparently super upsetting to me. Last year, as I have made obvious through previous blogging, was a really shitty year for me. The worst ever. And I discovered that depression is a real thing, and is way more than just "sad" or "bummed out". I hit some really low lows, and started to get really scared. I even threw out some cries for help, which for the most part met with...nothing. It was always "Oh, you're just PMS-ing", or "You're having a hard time adjusting" or "Just wait until the stress of all these weddings is over, and you'll be fine" or my very favorite, "You're just jealous that everyone's getting married." Now, for the most part, I've always been a pretty happy-go-lucky person. I haven't experienced many real problems or traumas or tragedies in my life, so I haven't had any real experience with depression. It's not that I didn't think it was a real thing exactly, but I thought it happened to people who were much more fragile and weak than me. For the most part, when I am frustrated or upset about something, I keep it inside, because I am not good with confrontation, and because I don't like dumping my issues in everyone else's laps, when I realize that everyone has problems of their own to deal with. So here I was, having some really negative depressive thoughts, and concerned enough about it to actually bring it to people's attention, and basically just got a big ol' "get over it." Which is pretty much the worst thing you can do. Now, eventually I was able to pick myself up, brush myself off, and kind of get back to life. I am doing considerably better now, but seeing as none of the factors that lead to my depression have changed, I realize I am always thisclose to ending up right back there were I was. And what then?
In conclusion, maybe I should just stick to comedies for awhile. No, that apparently doesn't work. Maybe just Disney movies. Or The Hunger Games.
**I should mention, because I feel like I always need to add this, that this is not directed at anyone that reads this blog. I don't want anyone to think I am guilting them over missing my cries for help. It was primarily my family that missed them all.
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