Listen. I love a lot of things about bellies. First off, I love the word "belly". I think it just sounds so wonderful and silly. Also, I just like the way they look, from an artistic standpoint. Like, soft bellies, not six-pack bellies. Six-pack bellies give me the heebie jeebies.
Anyway, so xoJane did this thing called the Real Girl Belly Project, and it's just so many bellies! Big bellies little bellies fat bellies skinny bellies pretty bellies ugly bellies, etc. Bellies. All sorts of regular girls taking photos of their bellies at home, in the bathroom, at work, all over the place. And they talk about what they love about their bellies and all their imperfections, which I think is great.
My belly is my least favorite part of my whole body. It's my biggest "trouble area", if you will, especially as of late. I have what I not-so-lovingly refer to as my "inner tube" and my "fanny pack", which are my kinder gentler terms for "muffin top" and "fupa". Ever since I lost a whole bunch of weight in 10th grade in everywhere but my fanny pack, I have been out of proportion. I have more stretchmarks than a mother of three, and I'm not sure I even have a belly button anymore. I haven't seen it in years.
BUT, if there's anything I've learned from the Real Girl Belly Project, it's that I should be proud of my belly. Or at least try to be. It's not perfect, by any means, but there are lots of girls with bellies that are bigger than mine, uglier than mine, weirder than mine, and yet they're able to embrace them. I'm going to try to work on embracing my belly, but also on making it smaller.
So ladies, take a little time to embrace your belly. Be it big or small, it helps you stand up straight, sing in the shower, eat lots of yummy food, and maybe someday it will even hold a baby.
Monday, November 28, 2011
It's Time
Listen. I love love. I mean, without having ever actually experienced it, in a romantic sense. But it seems like a great concept. And I think everyone who wants to marry someone they love should be able to do it. With all the same rights. It should not be a battle, or an issue, or even a noticeable thing. It should be an everyday happening. I hope someday it will be.
In the meantime, this is a great commercial from Australia:
Well done.
In the meantime, this is a great commercial from Australia:
Well done.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
This Is So Great
FINALLY the Love Actually/Walking Dead crossover we all (we = me) have been waiting for!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Things That I Love Right Now
In no apparent order:
1) Mindy Kaling's Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns).
This book is hilarious. It's short, a quick read, but it's non-stop laughs. I am 100% without a doubt sure that MK and I would be the best of friends were we ever to meet in real life. You know, at some point during my rise to fame. She writes in the exact same tone that I would write my own memoirs in. She makes tons of pop-culture references. Aside from the fact that she is Indian and went to Dartmouth and is super successful, we could be the same person, with the same life stories. It was great to read my own memoir without the hassle of writing it all down. As a side note, I also recommend following her on twitter, @mindykaling.
2) Burt's Bees Tinted Lip Balm in Red Dahlia
Burt's Bees is one of those brands that is all trendy, and has cute packaging, and I always have the highest expectations, but the products themselves always fall short. Their tinted lip balm, however, has proven to be an exception. I typically am not a huge fan of Burt's Bees lip balm, because it's like rubbing a candle across your lips. Their peppermint-y lip balm is WAY to peppermint-y, and the pomegranate lip balm doesn't taste like pomegranate, but it does taste gross and weird. This tinted lip balm, however, goes on smooth as silk. It doesn't really have a discernible taste, but that's not really important unless it tastes awful. I love the red dahlia color, it's exactly the lip shade I was looking for this season. My only complaint is that I wish it had a leeeeettle more color. My first test application was a little underwhelming, but since I typically slather on lip balm like it's spackle, the color comes across after a few coats.
3) Happy Endings
This show is not brand new, per se. It was a mid-season replacement last year. But it is so fucking great, the thought of every single person that I love not watching it is unacceptable. This show...is so ridonkulously funny. Every episode. Every character. Seriously. Normally, there is at least one character that I dislike on any sitcom. I always find myself bored or annoyed during that character's scenes. But that is not the case on this show. I love everyone. I have tried to dislike different characters. Instinct told me to hate Alex, because she broke Dave's heart in the pilot, but also because she's played by Elisha Cuthbert, who was a real bitch as Jack Bauer's daughter on 24, and a real slut in The Girl Next Door (I think, I've never actually seen the movie.) But I just couldn't do it. I love her, she's great. And of course Max and Penny are my favorite characters, because they're everyone's favorite characters. Of course I have a big gay crush on Max. Well, I guess it's not a big gay crush, because he is a guy and I am a gal. I have a big crush on Big Gay Max, how about that? He's basically my perfect man, except for the whole liking guys thing. Story of my life. Well, except for the guy I love being gay thing. More so the guy I like not liking me thing. But that's a different story for a different day. WATCH THIS SHOW! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WATCH IT! WEDNESDAYS AT 9:30 ON ABC!
4) Curves
I know, I know, I'm an old lady. It's awful. But listen, it's the only gym in Camden. The only gym for miiiiiiiiles around! And it's quick, just a half an hour: in, out, wham bam thank you ma'am. It's it's a lot more....my speed. When I have gone to normal gyms in the past, they just kind of throw you to the wolves and let you do your own thing. And even though I know how to use the machines, I like someone to tell me just what each machine is working, and to point my toes when doing this, and hold this position here, etc. And I don't have to worry about how many reps to do, or how much weight to use, because you get 30 seconds on each machine, and the resistance automatically adjusts depending on your speed/strength/ability.
It's also been good, because the last few months I have been a miserable life-hating slob, and starting Nov. 1st, I've been getting up bright and early, going to Curves, and starting my day off on an accomplish-y note. So who cares if it's just me and the old ladies. Hopefully I'll be the super slim and sexy in a short while, and then I'll be able to hang out with young people again.
5) Damian McGinty on Glee
You, this never happens. I never like anything or anyone popular, and if I eventually come around to it, it's like months or years after it's actually become popular. Usually, by then, the popularity has faded. Anyway, newcomer Damian McGinty's debut on Glee is another case entirely. Once upon a time, I fell in love with a little Irish singing group called Celtic Thunder. Not my finest hour, I'll admit, but I am a sucker for musical foreigners with unintelligible accents. When I heard that Wee Little Damian McGinty, who, as a teeny tiny Gerber-baby-looking 14 year old, sang Puppy Love as part of the Celtic Thunder Show, was going to be on something called the Glee Project, trying to get on Glee, I knew I would have to watch. I expected him to make it to, like, episode 2, before everyone would realize that he is impossible to understand, a terrible dancer, and sounds weird when he tries to sing current popular music. Well imagine my surprise when Wee Damian emerged victorious. And now he's playing Rory O'McFlannigan, or something like that, basically the most blatant Irish stereotype, short of actually being a midget in a leprachaun suit. He wears green in every episode. He has fought for U2's honor. He has a pompadour, which is not really anything to do with Ireland, but is pretty inexplicable all the same. He is just as unintelligible as he's always been. But I am just so...tickled everytime he is onscreen! It brings me a sick kind of joy. I'm proud of him. I'm happy for his success. I wonder if other, non-biased people are fans of his as well.
Did you notice that with each item, I wrote a longer and longer commentary? I wonder if that would have changed, had I put them in a different order initially. Huh. I guess we'll never know.
1) Mindy Kaling's Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns).
This book is hilarious. It's short, a quick read, but it's non-stop laughs. I am 100% without a doubt sure that MK and I would be the best of friends were we ever to meet in real life. You know, at some point during my rise to fame. She writes in the exact same tone that I would write my own memoirs in. She makes tons of pop-culture references. Aside from the fact that she is Indian and went to Dartmouth and is super successful, we could be the same person, with the same life stories. It was great to read my own memoir without the hassle of writing it all down. As a side note, I also recommend following her on twitter, @mindykaling.
2) Burt's Bees Tinted Lip Balm in Red Dahlia
Burt's Bees is one of those brands that is all trendy, and has cute packaging, and I always have the highest expectations, but the products themselves always fall short. Their tinted lip balm, however, has proven to be an exception. I typically am not a huge fan of Burt's Bees lip balm, because it's like rubbing a candle across your lips. Their peppermint-y lip balm is WAY to peppermint-y, and the pomegranate lip balm doesn't taste like pomegranate, but it does taste gross and weird. This tinted lip balm, however, goes on smooth as silk. It doesn't really have a discernible taste, but that's not really important unless it tastes awful. I love the red dahlia color, it's exactly the lip shade I was looking for this season. My only complaint is that I wish it had a leeeeettle more color. My first test application was a little underwhelming, but since I typically slather on lip balm like it's spackle, the color comes across after a few coats.3) Happy Endings
This show is not brand new, per se. It was a mid-season replacement last year. But it is so fucking great, the thought of every single person that I love not watching it is unacceptable. This show...is so ridonkulously funny. Every episode. Every character. Seriously. Normally, there is at least one character that I dislike on any sitcom. I always find myself bored or annoyed during that character's scenes. But that is not the case on this show. I love everyone. I have tried to dislike different characters. Instinct told me to hate Alex, because she broke Dave's heart in the pilot, but also because she's played by Elisha Cuthbert, who was a real bitch as Jack Bauer's daughter on 24, and a real slut in The Girl Next Door (I think, I've never actually seen the movie.) But I just couldn't do it. I love her, she's great. And of course Max and Penny are my favorite characters, because they're everyone's favorite characters. Of course I have a big gay crush on Max. Well, I guess it's not a big gay crush, because he is a guy and I am a gal. I have a big crush on Big Gay Max, how about that? He's basically my perfect man, except for the whole liking guys thing. Story of my life. Well, except for the guy I love being gay thing. More so the guy I like not liking me thing. But that's a different story for a different day. WATCH THIS SHOW! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WATCH IT! WEDNESDAYS AT 9:30 ON ABC!
4) Curves
I know, I know, I'm an old lady. It's awful. But listen, it's the only gym in Camden. The only gym for miiiiiiiiles around! And it's quick, just a half an hour: in, out, wham bam thank you ma'am. It's it's a lot more....my speed. When I have gone to normal gyms in the past, they just kind of throw you to the wolves and let you do your own thing. And even though I know how to use the machines, I like someone to tell me just what each machine is working, and to point my toes when doing this, and hold this position here, etc. And I don't have to worry about how many reps to do, or how much weight to use, because you get 30 seconds on each machine, and the resistance automatically adjusts depending on your speed/strength/ability.It's also been good, because the last few months I have been a miserable life-hating slob, and starting Nov. 1st, I've been getting up bright and early, going to Curves, and starting my day off on an accomplish-y note. So who cares if it's just me and the old ladies. Hopefully I'll be the super slim and sexy in a short while, and then I'll be able to hang out with young people again.
5) Damian McGinty on Glee
You, this never happens. I never like anything or anyone popular, and if I eventually come around to it, it's like months or years after it's actually become popular. Usually, by then, the popularity has faded. Anyway, newcomer Damian McGinty's debut on Glee is another case entirely. Once upon a time, I fell in love with a little Irish singing group called Celtic Thunder. Not my finest hour, I'll admit, but I am a sucker for musical foreigners with unintelligible accents. When I heard that Wee Little Damian McGinty, who, as a teeny tiny Gerber-baby-looking 14 year old, sang Puppy Love as part of the Celtic Thunder Show, was going to be on something called the Glee Project, trying to get on Glee, I knew I would have to watch. I expected him to make it to, like, episode 2, before everyone would realize that he is impossible to understand, a terrible dancer, and sounds weird when he tries to sing current popular music. Well imagine my surprise when Wee Damian emerged victorious. And now he's playing Rory O'McFlannigan, or something like that, basically the most blatant Irish stereotype, short of actually being a midget in a leprachaun suit. He wears green in every episode. He has fought for U2's honor. He has a pompadour, which is not really anything to do with Ireland, but is pretty inexplicable all the same. He is just as unintelligible as he's always been. But I am just so...tickled everytime he is onscreen! It brings me a sick kind of joy. I'm proud of him. I'm happy for his success. I wonder if other, non-biased people are fans of his as well.
Did you notice that with each item, I wrote a longer and longer commentary? I wonder if that would have changed, had I put them in a different order initially. Huh. I guess we'll never know.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Twilight Thoughts Part Deux
Welp, I'm still in Twilight la la land. I'm sorry.
I have finished all of the books, and the movies. I am actually currently watching Eclipse with the commentary on, commentary by Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. It was a good choice. Rob is hilarious. We are about 3 minutes into the movie and Rob has discussed cheeseburgers about 4 times.
After reading Breaking Dawn, and watching all the movies, and also rereading my own prior blog post, because I am obsessed with myself, I have a few things I need to add/clarify. I will also include my commentary on Rob and Kristen's commentary, as I listen to it.
Like the fact that, as if there was any question, they are so totally banging. They're just giggling at each other. It's like Twilight pillow talk.
Cheeseburger reference #5.
So, I feel like, in my previous Twilight discussion, I came down kinda hard on Edward. I DO like Edward. He's charming, in his own way. And RPattz is hella dreamy. And hilarious/charming/crazy in real life. And British. Let's never forget that he is British. Even though it wouldn't have made any sense, I wish that they had let Rob use his british accent as Edward. Because it would totally increase Edward's hotness, tenfold. I mean, if Peter Facinelli can use an inexplicable unidentifiable accent in Eclipse, why can't RPattz use his own accent? Whatever.
Cheeseburger reference #6. Possible cheeseburger diarrhea reference #1.
I also really praised The Abs a lot, which, I think, deserve praise, but I don't want there to be any question: I would always, in every situation, choose pale skinny boy over uber-muscled possibly Native American boy. No question.
I do stand by my assertion that I do not understand how anyone could like Edward over Jacob. Edward is okay, I guess, but he is also a controlling, abusive asshole. He lies to Bella, keeps things from her, won't let her do things, won't let her see Jacob, makes her do whatever he wants, go wherever he goes or wants her to go. Jacob always tells her the truth, sort of lets her do what she wants, but will give her shit about it if he thinks she's being stupid. And he never stops trying to win her over! I like that. All I want is a friend who is in love with me, and will beat me over the head with his love until I give in.
"Have you ever gone down to the bottom of a swimming pool and, like, looked up? Scary stuff." -RPattz commentary
And, really, along the same line of "what reason does Stephenie Meyer give to make you love Edward", what reason does she give to make you love Alice? Why is Bella BFFs with Alice? Because Alice can see the future, and told Bella they'd be BFFs, so she was just like, "Oh, okay then. BFFS!" There is so much talk about how awesome Alice is, and how much Bella loves her, but...why?! Because she forces expensive clothing and makeup on her? Lame.
"Do you ever, like, watch people kiss in public?"-RPattz commentary
So, I reread Breaking Dawn, and as it turns out, I had forgotten about 85% of the book. I remembered pillow-biting, bed-breaking, Renesmee, and imprinting. That was it. Everything else was a surprise to me. BUT, one little part I had totally forgotten about, was this:
Edward leaned his head against the same shoulder where he'd placed Renesmee. "Goodbye, Jacob, my brother...my son."
*vomits*
You know, Stephenie Meyer was really pushing my tolerance level, first with Renesmee, and then with Jacob's imprinting on her. But I DO NOT believe that Edward would EVER, particularly not after a matter of months, think of Jacob as his son. Remember that time, less than a year ago, when he was sharing a sleeping bag and having boner thoughts about your wife/his future mother-in-law? That'll make for an awkward thanksgiving.
I hope they don't include that in the movie, but I have no hope that they wouldn't include something that awful in what is sure to be a terrible/awesome movie. But I don't see how Rob Pattinson will be able to say that without laughing. There's no way he could ever seriously think that line is legit. Ugh. I'm sort of sad I have to wait till whenever part 2 comes out in order to see that. But god, that last movie is going to be terrible, huh? I mean, I guess it will be cool to see Kristen as a vampire, and her sudden super strength and agility.
Aww, Kristen is getting all caught up with emotion at the proposal scene, and Rob is just embarrassed. Kristen has really grown on me throughout this recent Twilight adventure. I'm really liking that Kristen seems very familiar with the books, and talks about how the movies are relating to the books, and Rob keeps coming up with all these outlandish theories, and trying to tie them to the books. He is also very quick to defend Edward, and talk about how much Bella and Jacob are just awful. Kristen is really more genuine and passionate about these films, and playing Bella, then I would have thought.
Oh my god, Rob just said "blueberries" in the commentary, but pronounced it "blue-brees" Thaaaat's adorable and british.
Kristen's really pretty gorge in this movie. Eclipse. Her hair (a wig, apparently, I've learned from this commentary) and her makeup look great. Particularly her makeup. Simple, but the eyeshadow and lipcolor really play up her natural features nicely.
I wish Rob Pattinson smiled more in these movies. His smile is pretty killer. Even in the books, Bella always talks about how much she loves his crooked smile. And yet in the movies, we never see it. Sad.
Haha, I am loving Kristen and Rob arguing about who is more awful: Bella or Edward.
I wish I had more time, you know, in my life, to watch movies with the commentary on. Because obviously I need to watch it through once without commentary, so I can hear what the hell is going on. But then once I'm done watching it once, I don't really want to watch it again, this time with the commentary. But I did think the commentary on this would be amusing, with Kristen and Rob, and I was right.
I have finished all of the books, and the movies. I am actually currently watching Eclipse with the commentary on, commentary by Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. It was a good choice. Rob is hilarious. We are about 3 minutes into the movie and Rob has discussed cheeseburgers about 4 times.
After reading Breaking Dawn, and watching all the movies, and also rereading my own prior blog post, because I am obsessed with myself, I have a few things I need to add/clarify. I will also include my commentary on Rob and Kristen's commentary, as I listen to it.
Like the fact that, as if there was any question, they are so totally banging. They're just giggling at each other. It's like Twilight pillow talk.
Cheeseburger reference #5.
So, I feel like, in my previous Twilight discussion, I came down kinda hard on Edward. I DO like Edward. He's charming, in his own way. And RPattz is hella dreamy. And hilarious/charming/crazy in real life. And British. Let's never forget that he is British. Even though it wouldn't have made any sense, I wish that they had let Rob use his british accent as Edward. Because it would totally increase Edward's hotness, tenfold. I mean, if Peter Facinelli can use an inexplicable unidentifiable accent in Eclipse, why can't RPattz use his own accent? Whatever.
Cheeseburger reference #6. Possible cheeseburger diarrhea reference #1.
I also really praised The Abs a lot, which, I think, deserve praise, but I don't want there to be any question: I would always, in every situation, choose pale skinny boy over uber-muscled possibly Native American boy. No question.
I do stand by my assertion that I do not understand how anyone could like Edward over Jacob. Edward is okay, I guess, but he is also a controlling, abusive asshole. He lies to Bella, keeps things from her, won't let her do things, won't let her see Jacob, makes her do whatever he wants, go wherever he goes or wants her to go. Jacob always tells her the truth, sort of lets her do what she wants, but will give her shit about it if he thinks she's being stupid. And he never stops trying to win her over! I like that. All I want is a friend who is in love with me, and will beat me over the head with his love until I give in.
"Have you ever gone down to the bottom of a swimming pool and, like, looked up? Scary stuff." -RPattz commentary
And, really, along the same line of "what reason does Stephenie Meyer give to make you love Edward", what reason does she give to make you love Alice? Why is Bella BFFs with Alice? Because Alice can see the future, and told Bella they'd be BFFs, so she was just like, "Oh, okay then. BFFS!" There is so much talk about how awesome Alice is, and how much Bella loves her, but...why?! Because she forces expensive clothing and makeup on her? Lame.
"Do you ever, like, watch people kiss in public?"-RPattz commentary
So, I reread Breaking Dawn, and as it turns out, I had forgotten about 85% of the book. I remembered pillow-biting, bed-breaking, Renesmee, and imprinting. That was it. Everything else was a surprise to me. BUT, one little part I had totally forgotten about, was this:
Edward leaned his head against the same shoulder where he'd placed Renesmee. "Goodbye, Jacob, my brother...my son."
*vomits*
You know, Stephenie Meyer was really pushing my tolerance level, first with Renesmee, and then with Jacob's imprinting on her. But I DO NOT believe that Edward would EVER, particularly not after a matter of months, think of Jacob as his son. Remember that time, less than a year ago, when he was sharing a sleeping bag and having boner thoughts about your wife/his future mother-in-law? That'll make for an awkward thanksgiving.
I hope they don't include that in the movie, but I have no hope that they wouldn't include something that awful in what is sure to be a terrible/awesome movie. But I don't see how Rob Pattinson will be able to say that without laughing. There's no way he could ever seriously think that line is legit. Ugh. I'm sort of sad I have to wait till whenever part 2 comes out in order to see that. But god, that last movie is going to be terrible, huh? I mean, I guess it will be cool to see Kristen as a vampire, and her sudden super strength and agility.
Aww, Kristen is getting all caught up with emotion at the proposal scene, and Rob is just embarrassed. Kristen has really grown on me throughout this recent Twilight adventure. I'm really liking that Kristen seems very familiar with the books, and talks about how the movies are relating to the books, and Rob keeps coming up with all these outlandish theories, and trying to tie them to the books. He is also very quick to defend Edward, and talk about how much Bella and Jacob are just awful. Kristen is really more genuine and passionate about these films, and playing Bella, then I would have thought.
Oh my god, Rob just said "blueberries" in the commentary, but pronounced it "blue-brees" Thaaaat's adorable and british.
Kristen's really pretty gorge in this movie. Eclipse. Her hair (a wig, apparently, I've learned from this commentary) and her makeup look great. Particularly her makeup. Simple, but the eyeshadow and lipcolor really play up her natural features nicely.
I wish Rob Pattinson smiled more in these movies. His smile is pretty killer. Even in the books, Bella always talks about how much she loves his crooked smile. And yet in the movies, we never see it. Sad.
Haha, I am loving Kristen and Rob arguing about who is more awful: Bella or Edward.
I wish I had more time, you know, in my life, to watch movies with the commentary on. Because obviously I need to watch it through once without commentary, so I can hear what the hell is going on. But then once I'm done watching it once, I don't really want to watch it again, this time with the commentary. But I did think the commentary on this would be amusing, with Kristen and Rob, and I was right.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Guys, it's happened again.
I've fallen down the Twilight rabbit-hole.
I know, I know, I can feel your judgment from here. If you are not even remotely a Twilight person, you're going to want to go ahead and stop reading now.
So, with Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 coming out this month, I decided I should reread the series, because I remembered very little, but also because my mind has become so clouded with Twilight-related rage that I had forgotten anything I had ever actually enjoyed about the books. But I knew that I had. So I'm working my way through again, for the second time.
As a little background, I got into Twilight right after I graduated from Fisher. My roommate Kristina had tumbled into the rabbit-hole already, and tried to pull me along with her, but I knew that if there was any chance of me doing any studying for finals, I needed to not get sucked into another preteen book series.
A few days after I moved home after graduation, I picked up a copy Twilight in Walmart. After pouring through it in about a day, I got the next 2 books out from the library. I remember staying in a hotel room with my family in NYC, and reading Eclipse in the bathroom at 3am so I wouldn't wake anybody up, flailing silently at what I was reading.
This was a few months before the movie came out, so I already knew who had been cast in all the leads, so I've always had those faces pictured in my head as I've read along: Cedric Diggory as Edward, the gender-ambiguous kid from Panic Room as Bella, Mike Dexter from Can't Hardly Wait as Carlisle, the mysterious pregnant lady from Grey's Anatomy as Esme, etc.
All I really remembered about having read the books the first time, was that Eclipse was my favorite, and New Moon was my least favorite. After a second time through, I'm not sure that's entirely true. I haven't reread Breaking Dawn yet, but I don't anticipate that affecting my ranking here.
I think Twilight, the introduction to the series, is the most enjoyable. You meet everyone, get introduced to Forks and all the magic it contains, and you fall in love with all of it. There's more carefree lovesick happiness in this book, less angst and heartbreak than all the others. Which is to be expected for the first book in a series (see also: Harry Potter), but i still think it makes for a great read.
New Moon is not as bad as I remembered, upon a second read. I think New Moon is notoriously unpopular, because Edward is only in, like, maybe 15% of it? But I am a proud member of Team Jacob, and I think that, while the author took a big chance cutting her main romantic interest almost entirely out of the second book in a teen romance series, I think it totally paid off, because it gives us a chance to fall in love with Jacob. The problem I have with New Moon, and I think it's what stuck with me so long after, is that I think the entire concept of losing your shit so seriously over a guy you've only known for a few months is more than a little bit ridiculous. Granted, I have never been in love, so I can't relate to that aspect, but I am overly-emotional and obsessive and attached to things, and yet I feel like I wouldn't even go into a coma like that if a member of my family died. Please don't quote me on that.
Eclipse. Ugh. As I said, I think Twilight is the most enjoyable read of the series, but Eclipse is the best. Eclipse is just heart-wrenching to me. Even though a bunch of other stuff happens, the main story in that for me, (and I guess for everyone else, really), is the love triangle between Edward, Bella, and Jacob. Jacob is not giving up without a fight, and it makes my heart explode. Honestly, I don't know why they didn't decide to just put a picture of my juicy red heart against a dramatic black background on the cover of this book. I am (sort of) ashamed to admit that the scene that stuck with me most after that first reading is the scene with Edward, Jacob, and Bella in the tent, particularly the sleeping bag. I mean, COME ON: Stephanie Meyer wrote the fanfiction before the TwiHards could even get to it. It is the most fanfiction-y thing I have ever read in print, and I have read the epilogue to Deathly Hallows a number of times. I only just finished rereading this book tonight, and it's all come back to me just how absolutely heart-wrenching it is. JACOB! Ugh.
Breaking Dawn. Haven't reread it yet. I remember it as being batshit crazy. I'm pretty sure a reread is not going to convince me otherwise. Unless there are no magic super babies named Renesmee (don't even get me started), and no imprinting. The headboard destruction can remain. I won't hate seeing RPattz in action on the big screen.
So, the whole Team Edward vs. Team Jacob thing is very difficult for me. Coming into this, I loved Robert Pattinson hardcore as Cedric Diggory in Goblet of Fire, particularly the DVD extras, where you got just a taste of how completely out-of-his-mind he is. And he has proven that even more in recent years. He either has a very serious drinking problem, or a paralyzing social anxiety disorder, which he treats with booze. Did anyone see the MTV Awards where he presented a lifetime achievement award to Reese Witherspoon? Hoooooly shit. I have grown to love him more in his other movies: Water For Elephants, Remember Me, etc. He is actually a good actor. But in the Twilight movies, he is TERRIBLE. Painfully awful. I blame the directors, trying to make the vampires look and act all cool and other-worldly (good god, look what they've done to Jackson Rathbone!). His lines are WAY to stilted and broody. Taylor Lautner I think was perfectly cast as Jacob. He's so precious and likable in the first movie, and then in New Moon we get hit with BAM abs! Holy shit abs. I am Team Jacob's Abs. He has enough likable charm to make me believe him to be the Jacob from the books. I think overall, he does a better acting job than RPattz in the movies. But he seems like a Handsomeness Robot in real life. I bought Rolling Stone when The Abs were on the cover, expecting to finally fall in love with him through the article, but it really just made him seem like more of a robot. My love for The Abs has not wavered though. So to sum up:
Book Edward vs. Book Jacob = Advantage: Jacob
Movie Edward vs. Movie Jacob = Advantage: Jacob
Real-Life RPattz vs. Real-Life TLaut = Advantage: RPattz
Jacob's Abs vs. Anything Else = Advantage: ABS!
Really though. I realize Bella's got a big decision on her hands, on top of being chased by vampire bad-guys that want to eat her, but she really could have handled it all better. I won't get into how she is without a doubt the worst female role model for teenage girls, but even to someone older, jaded, and not so impressionable, her behavior is reprehensible and annoying! She has terrible self-esteem, does not think she is worthy of either boy, or really any of her friends or loved ones, or any happiness or joy at all. She thinks every single thing that happens is her fault. She is so easily swayed, and pushed around by the men in her life, somehow still blaming herself for everything. And it's a shame, because at times she's cool, and likable, but then she pulls so much ridiculous shit, I want her to just get eaten by a vampire already.
And, here's the thing I don't get. Stephanie Meyer spends so much time throughout the series getting you to fall in love with Jacob. And she does a great job of it. You fall in love with him as a friend first, all silly and carefree and adorable. Then wha-BAM you and Bella get smacked in the face with the book version of The Abs. Then he fights for her so unfailingly, puts up with endless shit from her and the Cullens, and keeps coming back for more punishment. You watch his heart get broken and stomped on, and yet still he loves her so much, he won't let her go. You even get a glimpse into the future, the "what might have been". And you know he would have been the better choice for her. They would have been happy, he would protect her, they would have babies, they would grow old together. By the end of Eclipse, I am just screaming at random pages of the book, trying to get Bella to see reason. If any of you read the books or watch the movies, please picture me on top of the snowy mountain with Bella and Jacob, as they are fighting/saying their goodbyes/ making out, while I am in the background screaming, "WHAAAAAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT! LOOK AT HIM! HE LOVES YOU! LOOK AT THE ABS, FOR GOD'S SAKE! Oh...oh, you're making out now? Oh, well, good for you. Carry on, then." But then more screaming later when she makes poor life choices and breaks poor Jacob's heart repeatedly.
Anyway, all this time spent on Jacob, and yet....what reason does she give for you to fall in love with Edward? There is scene after scene in which Jacob is adorable and sweet and also hot (literally.), and Bella's thinking how wonderful he is, but it always ends with "But he's no Edward." Her heart has made its choice, she and Edward are more than soulmates, she can't live without him, she only has eyes for him, he is the most wonderful person in the whole wide world, she is willing to throw her whole life away (literally.) just to be with him forever, etc. But...why? He is handsome. Snappy dresser. Virtuous. Uses pretentious antiquated speech. Has nice handwriting. Super-rich, and likes to buy her things. But WHAT is it about him that makes him so irresistible to her? There is just not enough evidence in these books to support his case over Jacob's. About 40 pages into book 1 and Bella has already decided he is the love of her life. What has he done? Choked down a bite of pizza, all for show? Brooded over the microscope in biology?
One thing that is touched on but never really elaborated enough to my liking in the series, is the fact that one of the vampires' biggest predatory advantages is that they are absolutely irresistible to their prey, i.e. humans. They are super smokin hot, graceful, awesome-smelling, sweet-talkin, etc. Who's to say Bella isn't just reeled in by all that? She may just be under his spell. Why does no one ever question this? Why does Edward, Bella's broody soulmate in self-worthlessness, never question whether Bella's love was true or whether she was just easy prey?
And really, who would pick COLD and HARD over SOFT and WARM. Nothing about making out with a cold statue is appealing to me. Sharing a sleeping bag with a steaming pile of werewolf abs, now that's another story. It is so fucking cold in here right now, I wish I had a werewolf to spoon with.
I'm going to stop now. I have already gone on far too long. I wish I weren't so wordy. I'm just not cut out for blogging.
I know, I know, I can feel your judgment from here. If you are not even remotely a Twilight person, you're going to want to go ahead and stop reading now.
So, with Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 coming out this month, I decided I should reread the series, because I remembered very little, but also because my mind has become so clouded with Twilight-related rage that I had forgotten anything I had ever actually enjoyed about the books. But I knew that I had. So I'm working my way through again, for the second time.
As a little background, I got into Twilight right after I graduated from Fisher. My roommate Kristina had tumbled into the rabbit-hole already, and tried to pull me along with her, but I knew that if there was any chance of me doing any studying for finals, I needed to not get sucked into another preteen book series.
A few days after I moved home after graduation, I picked up a copy Twilight in Walmart. After pouring through it in about a day, I got the next 2 books out from the library. I remember staying in a hotel room with my family in NYC, and reading Eclipse in the bathroom at 3am so I wouldn't wake anybody up, flailing silently at what I was reading.
This was a few months before the movie came out, so I already knew who had been cast in all the leads, so I've always had those faces pictured in my head as I've read along: Cedric Diggory as Edward, the gender-ambiguous kid from Panic Room as Bella, Mike Dexter from Can't Hardly Wait as Carlisle, the mysterious pregnant lady from Grey's Anatomy as Esme, etc.
All I really remembered about having read the books the first time, was that Eclipse was my favorite, and New Moon was my least favorite. After a second time through, I'm not sure that's entirely true. I haven't reread Breaking Dawn yet, but I don't anticipate that affecting my ranking here.
I think Twilight, the introduction to the series, is the most enjoyable. You meet everyone, get introduced to Forks and all the magic it contains, and you fall in love with all of it. There's more carefree lovesick happiness in this book, less angst and heartbreak than all the others. Which is to be expected for the first book in a series (see also: Harry Potter), but i still think it makes for a great read.
New Moon is not as bad as I remembered, upon a second read. I think New Moon is notoriously unpopular, because Edward is only in, like, maybe 15% of it? But I am a proud member of Team Jacob, and I think that, while the author took a big chance cutting her main romantic interest almost entirely out of the second book in a teen romance series, I think it totally paid off, because it gives us a chance to fall in love with Jacob. The problem I have with New Moon, and I think it's what stuck with me so long after, is that I think the entire concept of losing your shit so seriously over a guy you've only known for a few months is more than a little bit ridiculous. Granted, I have never been in love, so I can't relate to that aspect, but I am overly-emotional and obsessive and attached to things, and yet I feel like I wouldn't even go into a coma like that if a member of my family died. Please don't quote me on that.
Eclipse. Ugh. As I said, I think Twilight is the most enjoyable read of the series, but Eclipse is the best. Eclipse is just heart-wrenching to me. Even though a bunch of other stuff happens, the main story in that for me, (and I guess for everyone else, really), is the love triangle between Edward, Bella, and Jacob. Jacob is not giving up without a fight, and it makes my heart explode. Honestly, I don't know why they didn't decide to just put a picture of my juicy red heart against a dramatic black background on the cover of this book. I am (sort of) ashamed to admit that the scene that stuck with me most after that first reading is the scene with Edward, Jacob, and Bella in the tent, particularly the sleeping bag. I mean, COME ON: Stephanie Meyer wrote the fanfiction before the TwiHards could even get to it. It is the most fanfiction-y thing I have ever read in print, and I have read the epilogue to Deathly Hallows a number of times. I only just finished rereading this book tonight, and it's all come back to me just how absolutely heart-wrenching it is. JACOB! Ugh.
Breaking Dawn. Haven't reread it yet. I remember it as being batshit crazy. I'm pretty sure a reread is not going to convince me otherwise. Unless there are no magic super babies named Renesmee (don't even get me started), and no imprinting. The headboard destruction can remain. I won't hate seeing RPattz in action on the big screen.
So, the whole Team Edward vs. Team Jacob thing is very difficult for me. Coming into this, I loved Robert Pattinson hardcore as Cedric Diggory in Goblet of Fire, particularly the DVD extras, where you got just a taste of how completely out-of-his-mind he is. And he has proven that even more in recent years. He either has a very serious drinking problem, or a paralyzing social anxiety disorder, which he treats with booze. Did anyone see the MTV Awards where he presented a lifetime achievement award to Reese Witherspoon? Hoooooly shit. I have grown to love him more in his other movies: Water For Elephants, Remember Me, etc. He is actually a good actor. But in the Twilight movies, he is TERRIBLE. Painfully awful. I blame the directors, trying to make the vampires look and act all cool and other-worldly (good god, look what they've done to Jackson Rathbone!). His lines are WAY to stilted and broody. Taylor Lautner I think was perfectly cast as Jacob. He's so precious and likable in the first movie, and then in New Moon we get hit with BAM abs! Holy shit abs. I am Team Jacob's Abs. He has enough likable charm to make me believe him to be the Jacob from the books. I think overall, he does a better acting job than RPattz in the movies. But he seems like a Handsomeness Robot in real life. I bought Rolling Stone when The Abs were on the cover, expecting to finally fall in love with him through the article, but it really just made him seem like more of a robot. My love for The Abs has not wavered though. So to sum up:
Book Edward vs. Book Jacob = Advantage: Jacob
Movie Edward vs. Movie Jacob = Advantage: Jacob
Real-Life RPattz vs. Real-Life TLaut = Advantage: RPattz
Jacob's Abs vs. Anything Else = Advantage: ABS!
Really though. I realize Bella's got a big decision on her hands, on top of being chased by vampire bad-guys that want to eat her, but she really could have handled it all better. I won't get into how she is without a doubt the worst female role model for teenage girls, but even to someone older, jaded, and not so impressionable, her behavior is reprehensible and annoying! She has terrible self-esteem, does not think she is worthy of either boy, or really any of her friends or loved ones, or any happiness or joy at all. She thinks every single thing that happens is her fault. She is so easily swayed, and pushed around by the men in her life, somehow still blaming herself for everything. And it's a shame, because at times she's cool, and likable, but then she pulls so much ridiculous shit, I want her to just get eaten by a vampire already.
And, here's the thing I don't get. Stephanie Meyer spends so much time throughout the series getting you to fall in love with Jacob. And she does a great job of it. You fall in love with him as a friend first, all silly and carefree and adorable. Then wha-BAM you and Bella get smacked in the face with the book version of The Abs. Then he fights for her so unfailingly, puts up with endless shit from her and the Cullens, and keeps coming back for more punishment. You watch his heart get broken and stomped on, and yet still he loves her so much, he won't let her go. You even get a glimpse into the future, the "what might have been". And you know he would have been the better choice for her. They would have been happy, he would protect her, they would have babies, they would grow old together. By the end of Eclipse, I am just screaming at random pages of the book, trying to get Bella to see reason. If any of you read the books or watch the movies, please picture me on top of the snowy mountain with Bella and Jacob, as they are fighting/saying their goodbyes/ making out, while I am in the background screaming, "WHAAAAAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT! LOOK AT HIM! HE LOVES YOU! LOOK AT THE ABS, FOR GOD'S SAKE! Oh...oh, you're making out now? Oh, well, good for you. Carry on, then." But then more screaming later when she makes poor life choices and breaks poor Jacob's heart repeatedly.
Anyway, all this time spent on Jacob, and yet....what reason does she give for you to fall in love with Edward? There is scene after scene in which Jacob is adorable and sweet and also hot (literally.), and Bella's thinking how wonderful he is, but it always ends with "But he's no Edward." Her heart has made its choice, she and Edward are more than soulmates, she can't live without him, she only has eyes for him, he is the most wonderful person in the whole wide world, she is willing to throw her whole life away (literally.) just to be with him forever, etc. But...why? He is handsome. Snappy dresser. Virtuous. Uses pretentious antiquated speech. Has nice handwriting. Super-rich, and likes to buy her things. But WHAT is it about him that makes him so irresistible to her? There is just not enough evidence in these books to support his case over Jacob's. About 40 pages into book 1 and Bella has already decided he is the love of her life. What has he done? Choked down a bite of pizza, all for show? Brooded over the microscope in biology?
One thing that is touched on but never really elaborated enough to my liking in the series, is the fact that one of the vampires' biggest predatory advantages is that they are absolutely irresistible to their prey, i.e. humans. They are super smokin hot, graceful, awesome-smelling, sweet-talkin, etc. Who's to say Bella isn't just reeled in by all that? She may just be under his spell. Why does no one ever question this? Why does Edward, Bella's broody soulmate in self-worthlessness, never question whether Bella's love was true or whether she was just easy prey?
And really, who would pick COLD and HARD over SOFT and WARM. Nothing about making out with a cold statue is appealing to me. Sharing a sleeping bag with a steaming pile of werewolf abs, now that's another story. It is so fucking cold in here right now, I wish I had a werewolf to spoon with.
I'm going to stop now. I have already gone on far too long. I wish I weren't so wordy. I'm just not cut out for blogging.
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