I haven't updated this blog in forever. It's been way longer than I thought. I'm sorry.
So, I'm having a not great day today. Missed out on another job, again. It's getting ridiculous, at this point. Even jobs that seem like gimmes, like this one, never end up working out, due to a series of absolutely ridiculous bad luck.
Now, I have been blaming this all on my absolute worthlessness, which is not to be underestimated. But at this point, should I be taking all this rejection as a sign? I mean, even given the shitty job market; for a relatively sane, felony-free, friendly and presentable college graduate to go this long, applying to so many different jobs, and not getting so much as an interview; is that just the universe telling me I'm supposed to do something else? I mean, it's probably just the lazy Gen Y-er in me looking for a way out, but seriously?
I mean, maybe it's just because I hate being miserable and unhappy, so I'm trying to find a happy reason for why this could be happening. Continuously. Maybe it's because I WANT to be doing something else, and am just looking for an excuse to pursue it.
The question is: WHAT IS THIS OTHER THING?! Is it writing? Is it blogging? Is it vlogging? Is it championing a cause? Is it starting my own business? If it were easy enough for me to figure it out, I WOULD BE FUCKING DOING IT BY NOW.
It's tough to follow your dreams or take a chance when money is the most important thing in the entire world. Every decision I make now is based on money, and I literally cannot afford to take any chances.
So I hate to seem like I'm sitting around waiting for something to happen, but that's only because everything I've tried has failed. I'm only sitting here because I have no place else to go. So where is my muse, my inspiration that comes to me as part of a dream? That's what I'm waiting for. Here's hoping I find it soon.
If you have any thoughts, please feel free to share.
